<div class=text-justify>

I received a weird “check up” text today from someone I used to love. Right after reading the message, I showed it to my mom, and she rolled her eyes in annoyance. We were best friends for about 7 years until I decided enough was enough.

I met this ex-best friend of mine in senior high school. During that time, I was a happy-go-lucky girl. In fact, a lot of people used to tell me how much they felt inspired anytime they spoke to me just because of my personality, but everything changed when I met her.

She would occasionally tell me, as a girl, you don’t have to be all smiley every time. As a girl, you have to put on a mean face so nobody can approach you. As a girl, you have to ignore certain people. As a girl… a whole lot.I lost good friends and study partners because of that.

![IMG_4536.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/abenad/23vsLSMZrx1bMsXq4h1JZKqCf7igjtgNaUuWiq5bA99jmAYqMhC579yKbb82UJgigor91.jpeg)

It happened for our full three years in senior high school and continued 4 more years after school. The funny part is, I didn’t realize I had become a whole different person until university. I realized that I found it hard to keep friends because I was always mean to everyone. There was no way you could come to talk to me with a smile and go back with that smile.

I also became nonchalant even to my family. I remember my mom telling me she didn’t like how I had become after getting a bestie and then looking at her in the eyes to tell her I could see she didn’t want to see me happy. When I say I became a mean girl, it’s not a joke.

After university, I was so happy to go back to my best friend’s place, but that was when everything became clear. She would underrate me in so many ways, talk down on me and tell me it was a joke. Tell me I’ll never get to her level (I still don’t know what that means).

Eventually, she threw me out of her place one night and normally, I would apologize for doing nothing but this time, I just left. Because I was tired. Tired of being someone I’m not and all for what? So I held my head high, walked out of her place and never looked back. I didn’t just walk out of her door leaving our friendship, I also left that long list of habits I had developed just to be her friend. I left that cape of nonchalance and insolence, the garment of being easily influenced, and most importantly, took back my jacket of happy-go-lucky girl. 

![295b6d8e-e91d-4065-94a2-3ef44861214c.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/abenad/245T1T6YpaDZuTXXePtBU2Pve8fBksPNyd11qmK3KBitmxhwmm7RkE3kExdto2N7Tjei4.jpeg)

Leaving that place, I vowed to never let anyone convince me to do something I don’t want to. With each tear that rolled down my cheeks that night, I promised myself I wasn’t going to do anything to become anyone's friend or whatever title they want to give me. And from that moment, I decided to become someone I really wanted to be.

At first it was so hard to get back into my all happy phase because I kept on blaming myself for allowing everything to happen. I would get so angry at myself for losing certain important people because of the unwise decisions I made, the way I treated certain people and the things I did…. And it was even harder to make friends because I really didn’t want any friendship requirements from anyone. But it became easier with time. I started forgiving myself and began to take notes from the situation instead of beating myself up over and over again.

I am now very happy, and I can’t even describe the peace of mind that comes with that. I've realized that leaving all things behind came with me entering a different light. Now, I genuinely care about the people around me, I am polite to people, and most importantly, I smile all day at whoever I want without getting scolded for “being too friendly”.


</div>

>Images are mine