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Greetings friends of this very interesting community. I hope you are well.   It is very gratifying that there is a community that invites us to reflect on such important topics so that we can think clearly and act wisely. This time I am going to talk about how my emotions have led my body to suffer.



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People know me for being cheerful and spontaneous, the truth is that this is not entirely true. Although I strive to make others feel good by showing empathy and charisma, the truth is that I often feel lonely. It is also true that I am very private with my personal matters because although I have a couple of good friends, I am usually the one who has the spirit to help them. I think that is partly why I feel lonely, because it is difficult to find someone who sees me as I am, an ordinary human being with fears, sadness, good days and bad days. This is because what I project is something very different from what I feel. And it is not about being hypocritical, but it is a kind of shield. I always try to show my best version even in the worst moments and believe me this is exhausting.




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A couple of weeks ago I felt very bad, so bad that I isolated myself. I wanted to be alone, I needed to be alone but you want to take refuge in the shelter of solitude was prolonged to the extent that I did not want to leave my room. My legs started to hurt terribly and even when I went out of my room to the bathroom, I was shivering because of the pain. As I have a problem in my spine, I told my parents that it was due to that, but nothing further from the truth.

The truth is that I was going through a moment of depression due to a very sad situation that I had to live but as many times I did not mention anything about it. I was consumed with a strong emotional pain that I somatized to the point of being able to walk well. At all times I minimized my pain so that no one would realize what was happening to me and the result was worse. I was really very sad and it made me sadder that I could not share my sadness with someone. I didn't want advice, I just needed to be listened to with empathy and as on other occasions this has not been the case I kept my sadness to myself thinking that in a few days it would dissipate.


Days went by and I got worse but still, in front of my parents I showed my best face until one day the pain became so acute that I asked to be taken to the hospital. I simply could not stand the pain in my legs, it was too intense. While at the hospital, the doctor asked me several questions and I was still reluctant to tell the truth about some things. I didn't say everything, I kept the most important things to myself. However, the doctor suggested that more than the spinal problem it might be stress. In my mind I knew it was an emotional burden but even with the doctor I didn't dare to unburden myself, so much so that I even took some pictures with the treatment I was given.



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When I got home I went to bed to rest because the medicine they gave me left me drowsy and while I was in bed I started to cry in torrents. I couldn't stop crying, it was unbelievable that I couldn't even get it off my chest, not even with the doctor. It is as if I had a programming in my brain not to allow anyone to see my vulnerability and this is serious because how will they help me if they don't know how bad I am.


I remember that days later a cousin came to my house and I decided to tell him what I was going through and the truth is that it was a real relief to do so because he listened to me carefully, he did not judge me or minimize my pain. He put himself in my shoes and we had a great conversation. The least I imagined was that he had also gone through a similar situation and he understood me in a great way, so I was comforted and calmed down a lot. Since that time we are closer and I feel I can count on him. Obviously I am still reserved and cautious with my feelings but without a doubt, we will always need someone who listens to us with empathy to cope with our anguish.




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From all this that happened to me, I understood that although moments of solitude are good, we should not isolate ourselves when we feel weak and that the armor I used to protect myself can be a trap if I don't use it as I should be. There are things I will be able to cope with alone, but a good friend is never a bad thing. We must be very careful with our feelings but we must learn to trust others little by little to support us in difficult moments.

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All photos are my own, taken with a Realme 7i.


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