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 Over the past few days, I came across a handful of posts where writers blamed technology especially social media for negatively affecting human communication and quality relationships, meanwhile, also on Steemit, many have been writing to openly share what is going on in their lives, what they face and how they feel. Some have been ranting about the suffering caused by their close relatives. It is obvious that sharing in the form of writing on social media help people who don’t have the opportunity to vent in their close circles to take the load off their chests.


##### *I can claim that I am a patient listener. There is nothing here to be proud of or to brag about as I haven’t chosen such capacity in the first place, it had already been there since my early childhood. Through listening I have learnt a lot about people’s thoughts and emotions. One of the most important lessons I learnt is that people are desperate to be heard.*


Most people are completely overwhelmed by their own lives that they don’t have time to listen what their close ones have to say. Minds are so taken by personal concerns that they have no room for others’. This doesn’t mean that all people don’t listen. No, some do, but with no interest in what they are listening to, with no tolerance for what seems wrong in what others tell and without care to fully grasp what others need to express. Some feel insecure enough to interrupt someone as he says something that triggered their insecurity. Others are so self-righteous that they can’t withstand the simplest of mistakes confessed by their spouses or offspring. 

We often confuse others’ need to express themselves with asking for advice, help, or analysis that we don’t hesitate to interrupt them offering our unsolicited help or articulated advice to be surprised later that what we believed to be the cure for their problems had been of no avail.

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[Source](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_p7FiwxFklTw/SyV7Po8FDaI/AAAAAAAAAdE/og6LwiaI2a4/s320/fox_allears.jpg)
  
*Including those who can’t listen, many are desperate to be listened to, to feel understood and appreciated for whoever they are, to safely express themselves without being judged, rejected, ridiculed, or made fun of.*

Even those who never stop chatting. They don’t come close to what personally matter to them, either because they don’t feel safe sharing their weaknesses or they are sure that the other party is indifferent to their own real issues. They use such small talk as distraction from what they can’t express, as means to remain socially engaged without the risk of exposing themselves, that is why some crack out of the blue to the surprise of their family and friends.

Such sort of superficial communication leaves people unsatiated and needier to be listened to, people became addicted to talking yet they don’t express what really dwelling in their minds and chests. 

#### So, what quality relationships we expect with such small talk?


Relationships is about caring, and authentic listening is a basic act of caring, you can’t be caring without being fully attentive to what others have to tell. 

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>I don’t mean by authentic listening the active listening technique utilized by therapists to make their patients more willing to share their problems, or by sales persons who want their customers feel appreciated, and valued to hasten a deal. Neither is it the same as what Dale Carnegie stated in his book ‘How to win friends and influence people’. '' If you want to win friends, don’t be interesting. Be interested”. Such attitude is superficial to the core. 


####  Authentic listening is far deeper and simpler than that. It is listening wholeheartedly to those we care about with no reason beyond that one of caring. It is an act of healing, support, and love.

Authentic listening is walking the extra mile to see from others’ perspective. It is about being altruistic enough to quieten our minds and listen to theirs, our willingness to help them heal by letting them freely, safely and fully expressing themselves, being conscious enough to help them investigate, explore, and express their thoughts and emotions without feeling shameful or guilty, and patiently putting our sense of righteousness, our rules, and standards aside and compassionately listen. 

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