I have 2 favorite dad jokes- unfortunately over the internet they are slightly difficult to convey.

What do you call an armless man in the ocean? 

Bob(please envision me bobbing slightly up and down as I say this)

What is green and invisible?

This Melon (please envision me holding my arms towards you as if offering up a large watermelon for your consideration)



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whats brown and sticky?

a stick



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where does a general keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!



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<b>Whoever is directly controlling the V2K told me to kill myself. They told me if I killed myself now it would save the lives of countless others.Saying the longer I wait to kill myself the more people will suffer.</b><br/><br/>They are reckless and should have shown the proper media what they had before taking me hostage for 5 years. I know there are many in prison that dont deserve to be there because of this. Your stay in prison will not be fun @battleaxe and friends. People are going to want you dead when they find out what you did. I hope you die a slow painful death. You sick mother fuckers.<br/><br/> https://peakd.com/gangstalking/@acousticpulses/electronic-terrorism-and-gaslighting--if-you-downvote-this-post-you-are-part-of-the-problem<br/><br/> Its a terrorist act on American soil while some say its not real or Im a mental case. Many know its real. This is an ignored detrimental to humanity domestic and foreign threat. Ask informed soldiers in the American military what their oath is and tell them about the day you asked me why. Nobody has I guess. Maybe someone told ill informed soldiers they cant protect America from military leaders in control with ill intent. How do we protect locked up soldiers from telling the truth?

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Ah Dad jokes, the joy of every Dad and the pain of every teenager.  I always liked to pop them on my daughter when her friends around just to get that extra embarrassment factor.

What did the duck say when it bought chapstick?
Put it on my bill!



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"A man walks into a bar and says 'ouch'"

Looking forward to my prize ;)



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My favorite oxymoron is

‘Happily Married’ ;)

You are posting some quite interesting contests here. Your username reminds me of a username i have used in many games ‘Kissmyaxe’ - and i found it matches with your straightforward and kinky tone.

Sad I don’t have a dad joke here. I will definitely look up to your other contests.

Best Wishes
Keep Hiving & Showering Love



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Kids , your mammy is in hospital because she had a car mechanic punch her holes , what got grease mixed up in the wrong one giving inflectional problems to the bladder . Don't blame me , i was giving no dick for months already . ..... my best and worse joke as a dad ever ,.... did cost me ,... everything .



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