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On a sunny Monday afternoon, Derek was at his office working away.

Up to that point, Derek was doing everything right.

He studied hard in school. Got good grades. Managed to get into a prestigious university.

In his family, there were only 3 career choices - you could either be a doctor, lawyer or a failure.

He chose lawyer.

By every measure of "success", he was successful.

Heck, he was 27, with a stable income of RM7000 a month and set to marry the following year.

...

**But he was unfulfilled.**

# The all too common reality

Sadly, this is not uncommon.

More than ever before, suicide rates are going up even though our quality of life is better than ever.

The thing I've noticed is this:

**Stop mindlessly check-boxing (ticking boxes) through life.**

This is especially true when it comes to finding a life partner.

After you are 25, your parents start asking you when you are getting a girlfriend > get married > have kids.

Here's the typical progression of the older generation asking questions:

Age 13 - how was your UPSR?

Age 16 - how was your PMR?

Age 18 - how was your SPM? What do you want to become?

Age 23 - graduate uni already?

Age 24 - found job already?

Age 26 - got girlfriend already?

Age 28 - marry already?

Age 31 - have kids already?

Age 36 - kids go to school already?

Age 37 to 61 - kids finish schooling already?

Age 67 - have grandchildren already or not?

*Dem questions.*

# The litmus test

Unfulfillment comes from not having a sense of control over your destiny. One easily falls into the trap of check-boxing when one doesn't stop to think if this is what they really want and whether they have the courage to break away and do something different.

I once asked my soon-to-be father-in-law about his perspective on this and his answer was:

"The moment you stop caring about what other people think - that's the moment you start living your life."

While that statement made sense, I couldn't help but find a good litmus test for it.

A person who becomes an entrepreneur to show his middle finger to the employee industrial complex may stop caring about other people's opinions - but he may also be doing it because entrepreneurship is cool right now (hence, still needing social validation for what he is doing).

So far the only litmus test I got is:

*Dancing in public when you seriously suck.*

To me, that's the hallmark of not giving a f*ck.

When you are not a trained dancer but you move your body awkwardly in public to Martin Garrix, that takes balls.

It takes balls to not care what other people think and it takes balls for you to be proud of your embarrassment.

# To sum up

The point of this post is to highlight the act of check-boxing through life.

While it may bring joy to some, it may also cause depression for others.

Know when if you are check-boxing and evaluate what you are doing.

Remember the Steve Jobs quote:

> "When you grow up you tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save a little money. That's a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact: **Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it… Once you learn that, you'll never be the same again.**”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ydp6bR5HXw

Thanks for reading.