Hi steemians, it's been a while since I wrote about me / my experiences. Last time I did it was on my depression, you can find it [here](https://steemit.com/life/@beulinator/living-with-depression-and-anxiety).

Today I thought, given that for last few days or nearly a week now, I haven't had a pain free day I'd talk about my Lyme disease. Though actually I NEVER have a pain free day, for nearly the last week the pain has been a lot more intense making every action even harder. 

![IMG_20180105_155539.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmS5aySe97caw215fLfuLzuRMrLNYHULPpg2n1VnAdBVrz/IMG_20180105_155539.jpg)
http://teatreemelaleuca.com.au

This is the hardest aspect of my life. Although I have only been diagnosed later in life, looking back into my history with my specialist, it appears that I would have contracted this crippling disease in my infant years. 

MY HISTORY
I can only talk about the years I remember. As my parents (my parents are another entire story of their own which I will not get into) are not a part of my life, I am unable to get information about my infancy, I am only going by memory of what they have previously said about those years. 

My memory as a child was that for many weeks in each year I was sick, bladder infections, tonsillitis, ear infections and hearing "problems" along with anxiety, depression and muscle stiffness, soreness and a number of other issues. 
My parents did not think anything of it. So I never was diagnosed with having any underlying issues. 

This unfortunately means now in my later life (I’m in my late 20s), due to not getting the right medical help I am a long term Lyme suffer. I have most likely been suffering for at least 20yrs, with the last 7 years having a massively decline of health. I have lost a lot of my mobility and independence during these last years. I was only diagnosed in early 2015.

Little things I could once do (still with some but mild consequences) such as being able to go for walks / jogs,  ride my horse or even being able to stand on my own two feet for a duration of time, is now something that does not come easy and pain free or if at all for some things.

The first two pictures are before my massive health decline and the last is more recent to show how the Lyme disease has taken its toll on my body.

![IMG_20180105_163824.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVCxCPe3CUY3pm2Udm875XitVQntp9pjgvdt2UVCKvV2J/IMG_20180105_163824.jpg)

![IMG_20180105_163849.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXCbWqNQhEvNkZAumEFLysERHgJVZDNLum4yb9rd95Pxc/IMG_20180105_163849.jpg)

![IMG20180105164854.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSgMtK277jFRf3455DburhUJYYuwEmUfdrgw1bYPRz62V/IMG20180105164854.jpg)

As you can see there is a massive weight gain. You see Lyme disease can wreak havoc throughout every part of your body.
The weight gain is because my thyroid stopped working. My specialist did say this would be a side effect of the Lyme disease as it has taken its hold on my body, due to having it untreated for so long it has in essence “taken over my body and mind”.

I find it is hard to explain this, it is as if you become possessed, the longer you have it in your system the stronger it becomes and starts taking you over. 
Now Lyme disease dose not just affect you physically but mentally too. It attaches its self to soft tissue... the brain is a lovely home for this creature to nest itself. So this is why I see it as a possession...not only can I not control my body but also I find that my brain is foggy... in fact I have some symptoms of autism. I am not autistic but I do have similar symptoms... some days stronger than other days.  

Unfortunately, though there is some great information out there, there is still much more that could be studied and acknowledged about this crippling disease. 

Sadly much of what I know now is only because I am experiencing it. However my specialist has been of great help and slowly I can put pieces of my life, pain, depression and experiences together.

The specialist used a list of 102 symptoms to help with his diagnoses. Of these 102 symptoms I presented with 91 of them and was classified as severe for most of those. 

Here are a very few Signs and Symptoms of Lyme Disease.  Much more great info can be found here where I took some of the info from [www.healthline.com/health/lyme-disease-symptoms#sleep-disturbances](www.healthline.com/health/lyme-disease-symptoms#sleep-disturbances)

![IMG_20180105_163223.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXeKUzApiVJd5t8iJHwmhkHJTQXeG1qdFn6N25wsXRfXd/IMG_20180105_163223.jpg)
yourbestthyroidlife.com

<blockquote>

1. Rashes, the initial rash appears after the tick bite. It is normally red flat and not itchy. It can appear anywhere and is a sign that the infection is spreading within your skin tissue. The rash expands and then resolves over time, even if you’re not treated.

2. Fatigue, early symptoms are flue like, tiredness, exhaustion, and lack of energy are the most frequent symptoms.

3. Achy, stiff, or swollen joints, joints may be inflamed, warm to the touch, painful, and swollen. Stiffness and limited range of motion in joints. Pain may move around. Sometimes the knees may hurt, whereas other times it’s your neck or your heels. 

4. Headaches, dizziness, fever, other common flu-like symptoms are headaches, dizziness, fever, muscle pain, and malaise (malaise - a general feeling of discomfort, illness, or unease whose exact cause is difficult to identify).

5. Night sweats and sleep disturbances. Sleep disturbances in Lyme are common. .Joint pain may wake you up at night. Your body temperature may fluctuate, causing night sweats or chills.
</blockquote>

As I wrote this, I realised I have been living in denial. I have not taken in the reality of my situation until literally now, within the time I’ve been writing, which has taken all day. It has taken all day because it came to me very suddenly that what I have known myself to be is now dead, which opened up waves of emotions, anger, hurt, loss and a deep sadness. I have cried, screamed and sat dumbfounded taking in my thoughts. It has actually made me physically sick. I have had to use medication to settle myself.
This came to me as a big shock as I have known my diagnosis for a few years now and even started different treatments however what I did not know or blindly ignore was the extent of what I have lost.
That’s all I can manage to type at the moment. I’ll post this now and try to relax. I’ll likely write more in time. Thanks for reading!