I'm not proud of myself when:

- I make money the main goal;
- I stick in social networks and envy others' successes;
- I yield to the basic desires: lust, fear, anger, selfishness, laziness;
- I pursue the title and glory instead of the true influence.

Most people can not say that they are proud of themselves. More often than not, the unresolved problems of the times of youth make themselves felt. They continue to suck blood out of their well-being in adulthood.

Before, I also had problems. I was very dependent on pornography from the age of 10. I hid porn in the toilet, on the roof, even in the backyard of the school. And he hated himself for it. I was overwhelmed with shame, fear and self-disgust.

![smilies-1610499_1920.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWi1amhzPBFX7vCdjZTELVyXWzZ8v4dyj3kNzQJy9bLrA/smilies-1610499_1920.jpg)

In the family, things were bad. My parents were going to divorce, although they kept well, and I really appreciated them for it. But the damage has already been done. At school it was difficult, I was constantly mocked because of my stammering.

All this accumulated, destroying my ability to connect with people. You could not just take it, but replace it all under the carpet. More precisely, I've been doing this for 13 years. But when I realized that I wanted to marry my current wife Kimi, I knew that the accumulated emotional garbage would destroy our chances of happiness.

So I started going to a psychologist. He advised me to go through a 12-step program to combat addiction. He made me write down every example of what I was ashamed of (I wrote 18 pages on both sides).

Result? Now I feel much better, my life is perfect.

Just kidding. On the weekend, I talked on Skype with my psychologist, sitting in a Korean coffee shop, and eventually burst into tears, because, imagine, I still have unmounted emotional baggage.

But I'm no longer dependent on pornography. Surprisingly, I'm really proud of myself most of the time. I can not believe how beautiful my marriage with Kimi is. I can establish a deep connection with people and use my story to help them.