Like a passionate toxic relationship, we only feel each other the most when we hurt each other. Although we don't want to let go of each other, you and I, we still don't mend our differences. I tried my best, and I know you did too, but it simply doesn't seem to work out. I try to get you out of my head, but you stick around like a stabbing, throbbing, annoying pain. In a crowd of many alike, you never fail to stand out to me. You're special and I see it. But I can't keep you,  nor can I let you go. My urge of ripping you out is in a constant battle against the nurturing will of caring for you. You're always in my head, and my mouth, dear my molar.

<br>


![](https://images.ecency.com/DQmSV11AiEwLaoz8zzPKZa6vVvZ258jUZDq5r4xNtpKjWmq/img_20220910_232010.jpg)

<br>

For years now I've been playing tug-of-war with this tooth. During the cursed lockdown I had to get a rather quick cleaning and filling. Many moons later it only got worse and I learnt a harsh lesson - never cheat on your barber *or your dentist*. It was a "lust of the moment" situation. I always went Dr. Alex in Ukraine for my teeth problems. A young and very talented dentist. Almost the entire decade I lived in Ukraine I always went to him and was never disappointed. But the pain had gotten just so unbearable and I did what any desperate person would - find the nearest solution. 

I went against my gut and booked an appointment with a dentist a few minutes away from home. Distance wise, this new dentist was a bargain. I should have known something was off when the dentist was more bothered about "Instagram reach" than my actual tooth. But hey, how can you blame the decision-making skills of a man in severe pain?


It was a root canal situation. The old filling would be broken, a medicine to heal the current wound would be put in place, and the next day I'd get a root canal and a new filling. Once again the gods of decision-making knocked at my silly head. "Don't you think you should go to Dr. Alex?" they asked as the bitter medicine crumbled down from the open tooth to my tongue. Alas, I did not heed caution. 


<br>



![](https://images.ecency.com/DQmPJ9rKSXGiFbqcNsS6EcTvhpp3FNsmgWgT5JFawf3BL8u/img_20220911_002842.jpg)


<br>

This was January 19th. Just a little over a month before the invasion took place. I was told that I'd feel a little discomfort and that the tooth would feel "natural" very soon. Spoiler alert: it never did. 

I made it out of Ukraine when the war broke out. In Poland there was so much to do and so many more important things to deal with. I had the molar that still hadnt become "natural" and nother tooth that started bleeding. I kept hitting snooze on the bleeding tooth, but at one point I couldn't take it anymore. Fortunately, dentists were providing free treatment in Poland then. I went in for a treatment and got the bleeding tooth removed. The aching molar, which was supposed to feel *normal* by now at least, still was bothering me. But I decided it was time to focus on other things since I don't have a bleeding tooth anymore. What a rookie move, huh?


Fast forward a few rotations of the earth and I find myself in the Netherlands. The tooth? Still not feeling *natural*. I constantly lived with that pulsating, annoying pain in my mouth. Could hardly eat without suffering in pain. Should have fixed it in Poland when I had the chance. But hey, how can you blame the decision-making skills of a man absolutely beat down to a pulp, right?

It got extremely bad in the last few days. I couldn't wrap my head around a recently fixed tooth giving me so much trouble. Especially one which has had its pulp removed, disinfected, and cleaned. Nevertheless, it got to a point where I couldn't sleep anymore. I pulled the trigger, better get some help. 

<br>

![](https://images.ecency.com/DQmUSg5SWmakFViS9cpMN7aBK8XzG4LjsYyiWjJF6RcTote/img_20220910_175509.jpg)

<br>

On the Dutch portal for Ukrainian refugees I was welcomed to some relieving news. Dentistry treatments were covered to a certain degree for Ukrainians. However, getting an appointment was a rollercoaster. I couldn't contact them directly, but only through a "responsible" representative. When I couldn't take the pain anymore I finally got someone to make an appointment for me and I had to wait a whole day. 

Come day of appointment, I'm left waiting for 3 hours past my allotted time.  I really feel for the doctors here, they are under so much pressure. But I also feel my tooth, A LOT. When I finally met my dentist he gave me the grave news after doing an x-ray. "You have to loose the tooth." 

Turns out I should have followed my gut and went to Alex. The root canal I got had now become very infected. The posts in my tooth were all placed wrongly. The cleaning was done so poorly that the posts had a lot of space to fidget around and go in the wrong places. That superceded into an infection. 

Now, tell me how am I supposed to live without that beautiful molar? All those yummy steaks I want to chew on, that clenched jaw look I want to pull off from time to time, the content feeling of having my mouth shut tight. Looks like it's going to be a thing of the past. Naturally, I protested against removing the tooth. 

But now I'm stuck with another conundrum. I either have to wait until February till the endodontist is available to look at my tooth and attempt fixing the bad root canal...or I get it removed now. No clue if the costs of the endodontist will be covered either. So here I am, sitting with a box of OTC painkillers and antibiotics to take the pain away, which I had to wait another 2 hours for - wondering if the gods of guts this time push me to take the right decision.





<br><hr><br>




![footnote.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmazTmQwT3fzaVvYpVMZDUqHNHgJKbr2kktkdnmJLybRtP/footnote.jpg)
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