Someone recently reached out to me, promising me thousands to start speaking as a paid speaker.
![Speaking](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1475721027785-f74eccf877e2?ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&ixlib=rb-1.2.1&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1050&q=80) 
It was an ad-don't get too impressed. 

I have been doing side gigs since I can remember. My greatest desire is to provide for my family in the best way possible. One of the ways I've planned doing this is to create a YouTube channel that is profitable, write a blog (that's where Hive comes in :wink: ), write a book on the same subject as the YT channel and blog, and then go on a speaking tour. This has been an idea I've had for a very long time. I have been running the YT channel for a long time-about 5 years now. I now have the blog, though I haven't touched much on my desired subject, and I won't start my book until I'm finished with my master's program (it forces me to type 15-20 page papers for each class, so my fingers are getting exercise). So when I got contacted about speaking, I started imagining a 'boatload' of success coming my way. It scared me. H.P. Lovecraft said, 
>“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest fear is fear of the unknown.”

I was afraid I'd make so much money from my speaking gig that I would have to quit the job I've been working for over 18 years in order to keep it up. I have a lot of security in my job. Leaving my job because I'm making more money was not the issue en total, per se, it was the idea of being successful for, say, 2 years or 3 years, then seeing my success crash and having to tuck my tail in between my legs to go back to my old career-my current occupation. I make really good money in my career. I'm able to provide for a family of 7 on one income in Southern California, USA...so fear...oof!

I recently had another bout of fear just a couple days ago. Within the company I work for, I applied for a position that would be considered an upper middle management position, just a position shy from the upper management level. I'd consider myself at the lower middle management right now, so this would be a great step. Thoughts of inadequacy or ageism (because I'm only 40 years old) crept into my mind. 

How do we get passed it? In my case, I fell back on my thoughts of "What's the worst that could happen?" In the case of speaking, if I was making so much money I couldn't work my current career job, I would be able to invest the excess and pay off my house sooner. I'm not the type to win the lottery and spend it all into bankruptcy. Other than my house, I live debt free. If I even get an interview for the position I applied for, it's a win for me. I just got my current job 6 months ago and the one I had before that, I held for 9 months, so it would be a quick move up. I tried to see that my life won't be upset by moving up or making a ton of cash doing something I love doing.

I know my fears aren't the same as most others. I think most others fear losing their jobs or not being able to get a job...or failure in different forms/fashions. In any case, there is a way to peace. I've always found peace from playing the what-if game and comparing the worst that could happen with the best that could happen and realizing that I'll likely land somewhere in between. Most people do.

I hope this helped someone who may be suffering from anxiety or fear. Share if you're willing, and perhaps you'll be better for doing so.
![Fear](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1529507926971-06fcbcc8cf2f?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=701&q=80)



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