The most important thing that I learned during the years of nervous shocks because of all sorts of idiots is when you are ill and unbearable feel yourself, you need to cry, wash, get up, dress beautifully, and do make up. Look at yourself, admire yourself, driving away bad thoughts.
And then go somewhere, and when talking with others you need to smile and pretend that everything is fine with you. Imagine that you are the happiest person and you live best in the world.
We need to rejoice for other people, let their victories bring a little happiness and you, you need to dream about the good, the main thing is not to hope that something can be returned. I do not hope, but I do not delete old sms. Although worth it, let it be a memory of how stupid and insignificant I am in my illusions. I still shudder at the sms and calls, still there is something burning, but tomorrow will be a new day.
I know that I will not let this feeling go on for a long time, because what I feel for him - it will not go so easily, maybe, it will never leave forever.
But when I saw how his look changed, when he looks at me, how he looked at me yesterday, when I left, proud, disobedient, in a red dress and heels, I understand that he, too, loves me, but we never we can not be together, because we are too similar in one and too different in the other, namely that he went through this path of disappointment before me, and has hardened how I will solidify in the future, as I already get hardened every time stronger.

Today I wanted to go to the сhurch and pray, but I pushed this thought away from me. I'm ready to suffer, dammit, but will do not become a girl whom I myself will despise myself later

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