Still looking for a job, I considered of trying freelance writing. But I gotta be honest and admit I don't have enough self-confidence for that right now. _"What if I can't find clients?"_ _"What if I hit the wall (writers' block)?"_ All these crippling doubts and fears that might very well be irrelevant looking at my abilities, and maybe I could earn some, but hard to say, having subjective biases and all that, one way or the other.

But what I would be even more worried about, is that having writing as a job could kill that little passion I have for it. I have enough troubles with motivation already: Having not found a job yet, I'm considering to just inform myself as an unemployed into the unemployment office because I'm too bad at faking myself in to the jobs, and to just receive whatever they offer. It would also negate the tendency of avoiding "bad jobs" (ie. jobs that I'm just too picky to apply myself) - sometimes it can be a relief to not have to make choices yourself. However, I found something interesting so I'll try my luck once again.

Problem is, that in many cases motivation follows action. But when there's no action and not much motivation to get up early, it leads to this downward spiral - that I easily experience when stagnant - in which it is sometimes hard to think positively of oneself. _Fake it till you make it_, I guess...

Talking about motivation, it's strange how different things appeal to one another: my neighbor can't understand how I dared to just go traveling "alone" (you're not really alone; you can make new friends wherever you go) in Europe. Meanwhile I'm amazed how people can tolerate having the same job for years, even decades, and am shamefully lazy of getting one. I guess we are fueled by different things. 

But getting back to what I started with: With freelancing it's still just working for someone else, to produce what is required with limited freedom most of the time. But with Steem I can actually produce what I want, and having been somewhat consistent during these 1.5 years on this blockchain, I've actually managed to get some support, or more importantly, _relationships_ and genuine _friends_ who want to reward me.

While the rewards I earn at the moment are nowhere enough to earn a living in the current prices, the future potential is tremendous. The development is active, governance has been restructured and Steem already has [9 dApps in top 20](https://www.stateofthedapps.com/rankings/platform/steem) - not bad from a coin at position 50, measured by marketcap (which as we have learned doesn't mean much). We don't need buzzing or come up with unrealistic lies, because we actually have some objective measure that Steem is doing pretty good compared to most other cryptos which also makes me carefully optimistic about this place, that down the years my accumulated Steem will see some great value.



![](https://d1vof77qrk4l5q.cloudfront.net/img/b283cd1e7fea6836c0e0e2c8790551a3448fb5fc.jpg)


Just some random photo from the phone because that's what I'm typing this with - it's actually a sunset from Krakow during the Steemfest. 

Posted using [Partiko Android](https://steemit.com/@partiko-android)