I've been searching for a job, for what, 3-4 weeks now? And the applications can be counted with a single hand. I know, not very productive nor very industrious. I was in that one interview [I told I was going](https://steempeak.com/life/@celestal/job-interview-and-other-ramblings). Well, haven't heard anything from them if I'd be chosen for the second interviewing round. It's alright though, I have some training for rejection; hitchiking. That's what it mostly consists of. Rejection, people passing by. Luckily, it only takes one who doesn't, to get few steps forward.

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me that I don't have the drive and the push, yet for some reason we all wish we had that – just look at the amount of motivational videos being watched. What if it's just another thing sold to us that we "need", like an advert: _"Oh you didn't know you had a need for this product, well now you do."_ Success comes in many shapes and forms though, so who is to say what it should be like? Maybe I'm just trying to rationalize my behavior, could very well be the case. How to know if you're lying to yourself though? And even if you did know, would it even matter, because lie is so much softer and comfortable.

Talking about lies, I keep wondering how to apply for these jobs. "Be honest, be yourself."

>_I'm an unmotivated lazy-ass who's forced to find work because he is running out of money._

<sup>Right...</sup>

When I was in the interview and being asked "what is your weakness as a worker", I said, "I have history with struggling with social situations [ie. social anxiety] but I've improved a lot with it with civil service etc." I might've just nailed my own coffin with that – who the hell is going to hire a guy who has problems with that exact thing that he is being hired for, customer servant? Maybe I did, but that was really the only thing I could come up at the spot, and I don't think I was being that autistic in the interview: I looked in the eye, nodded, and all that. 

And then it is advised to not mention money as a reason to apply for a job. 

>_"No, I'm totally not applying for this job because of money, not at all. You know, this is such a dream job that I would actually be glad to do it for free."_

Like, what the fuck's that things all about? Don't mention money as a motive. Money is literally the requirement for living if you are an integrated part of society, so why do we pretend like it doesn't exist? The same way we don't talk about sex even though every one of us is here as a result of someone putting his dick into your mom's vagina (excluding artificial fertilization). Grown ass people are afraid to talk about that exact thing they will work for the rest of their lives. Yeah, I get it, there should be some another reason or some interest towards the job so that it is somewhat meaningful, but honestly, how many reasons as such can you come up for McDonalds?

I just hate writing generic crap, and that's why I basically made a freewrite application for this job as a person in charge/cashier at a gym. No, I wasn't being cynical or anything. I started with a statement that "I know you look for a person with such and such characteristics and I could glorify myself here to have better chance for the job, but the truth is, I wouldn't get this whole application started, because I would feel like betraying myself if I did that", and so on. Then I carried on with being pretty good at being myself and quite easily approachable because even the locals in Romania ask me for directions sometimes, and that I'm an open person, I like exercise, yada yada, all this of course expressed with my own unique style. That's what people want, right? That it's not just copy-paste. Especially for a gym – how lame if there's not someone working there with some backbone, you know? I think that's what the gym goers can also appreciate. 

I don't know, maybe I should just become an inventor like my grandpa, except he was more practical than I was with this frankfurter apple down below, for example. I don't know how that idea could be sold, but there are marketing agencies for such purposes, right?

![DSC_0972.JPG](https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmYCshzEhDjHncGqcx5BVDGTaYbdK3Taej9611MbD9CMyF)