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What's Going On With My Life? by cli4d

View this thread on: hive.blogpeakd.comecency.com
· @cli4d ·
$37.11
What's Going On With My Life?
<div class="text-center">

##### According to Mark Manson’s famous book titled "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fck," whatever we feel, we are responsible for it. Even though someone causes us pain, it's still up to us whether we will do something about it or just let ourselves be a prisoner of our emotions.

</div>
 

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![Green Minimalist Nature Presentation.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/23tRzkNSybf6ybV8zqik63CDr1tBHx1s2wcA14CEaidnMjiogHdGomCziQ9wPko2Xq2Ea.png)

<div class="text-justify">


Some of you probably noticed my inconsistent activity on this platform. For instance, I was active for this whole month, and then suddenly I would be gone for the next few weeks. I am aware that this is hurting the image I want to build on Hive, but it seems my willingness to do the things I love will suddenly leave me for a long period of time. Although I am trying to get back on track as soon as possible, my mind and body are not cooperating. Trust me, I tried to sit on my computer for an hour, staring at a blank Word document, hoping that I could think of something to write, but I just couldn’t. I also came to the point where I couldn’t type the word peakd.com on my browser because of guilt and fear: guilt because I just left everyone without telling them what the reason was, or guilt that I may have given them confusion because of my inconsistency. I am afraid because I am scared that they may think that I am not serious and just playing around, or they might misinterpret me. 


I am an emotionally immature individual, or maybe you can also tell that my mental capability for handling emotions is weak. Whatever the reason, I am quite sure that my emotions can easily affect me and my daily activities. If I am happy, I am most likely to be motivated to do what I want to do. While, if I am sad, hurt, anxious, etcetera, then I will just lay on my bed with no energy to do the things that I need to do. I am too dependent on my emotions. Mentioning that, I already gave you a glimpse of why I suddenly became inactive. 


![verne-ho-VIO0tyzXL4U-unsplash.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/23uR2wfSFfsy9JrjLaffwzGKxghCD2MfTsCjqskZJfVK36qvWypuiDMDdMKDbvhqSsYXn.jpg)
Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/ja/@verneho?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Verne Ho</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/disappointment?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a>
  


I just went through a heartbreak, which is basically the reason why I lost my will to do anything I liked. It's kinda embarrassing to share this with you since I am not used to sharing personal stuff on the internet. I am also scared that someone might invalidate my feelings and further worsen my situation. Another thing is that it makes you cringe at some point because it is so teenager-like, which is funny because I am a teenager and I am cringing at myself, hahaha. 



To make it more concise, my ex cheated, and I am the one who decided to stop our relationship. Given the situation, it's more difficult to forgive and move on. Plus, the fact that this is the first time that I have committed on someone brings me to a deeper level of pain. I also feel betrayed because I gave my 100% trust to this person, but in exchange, he used it as a weakness or loophole to entertain someone secretly. He took advantage while I was looking away.


![lightbulb-gf0db87812_1920.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/Eo8M7P258t66Ks5cPuC9jNndnXkEGB7m8aZpmXa5vJLcnaHY7tdymbLfQS5fnMnfdfz.jpg)\Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/tuncelsafa06-4316363/?utm_source=link-attribution&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_campaign=image&amp;utm_content=1994881" class="keychainify-checked">SAFA TUNCEL</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_campaign=image&amp;utm_content=1994881" class="keychainify-checked">Pixabay</a>


That experience gave me lots of sleepless nights, headaches, and emotional breakdowns. It's unfair; whoever loves truly is the one who gets hurt the most in the end. But I guess that’s how this sht works. 



Going back to Mark Manson, he said in his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, that we should be the ones to act on our emotions. Although there are times that other people are the ones who give pain to our ass, in the end, it's up to you what steps will you do to feel better. Blaming someone or the situation won’t change anything. 



**Would you choose to suffer forever, or would you do something to be happy again?** 




Knowing this, I find ways to alleviate my condition. I deleted him from social media, where I always see him, deleted his photos, archived his messages, and hid him from my newsfeed. I also slept early and found other healthy distractions. 



Fortunately, my friends also invited me for a nightly hangout. This is a great chance to have fun and temporarily forget the ache in my heart. I am so very grateful to them! 



![excuse my face hehe.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/AK6XjdQsnUEhDzitjPyqZ88ZBKps5RGbyoR1F9EvBA4tmc78Qf8nxjFnaEW2W2G.png)


![A social media tradition; pic before you eat.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/EpXG43v1qsaxn4y1n8LKNqsewLBHLmZa3jSvb2V4Su65qkDVVSQofNjVEmfGxaUphpB.png)


![Beer Tower.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/23wC3FQNyFKfaubohMbbkhQiu4QD3XEKvZNUk1bTAYYWxNkVaj4Z5QKj718BFchvQaBMz.png)



![PXL_20220827_210719182.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/23wfdWtxgejAJ8Js2SUNQ6Q11PRxReEMrHnuCB4nzrnXcTt4mHFqnj8nREUomAQ2pZUML.jpg)



I really enjoyed talking to them, despite the noisy environment. The guest bands also helped me to sing out of my lungs and pour all my emotions into every lyric they sang. I also love the taste of the alcohol we drink, which tastes a little sweeter when you’re sad. 



Also, this is the time when I got accepted by my university's admissions office. This is another dopamine boost that I am lacking. Plus, the reaction of my parents, knowing that they will never pay any cents toward my tuition fee, gives me an even happier feeling. 



![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/23tmm5sZGSv6sH35EMgdKwhtU4hY9VrPddJuvpuRSSaKpvdM4YP6CDZyAXuFakUiL7RTY.png)



As a reward, my father bought me a brand new laptop that I can use for my programming journey. I am grateful to them because they are so supportive of the path I am taking, and that alone makes my heart warm. 


![PXL_20220829_192215702.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cli4d/243BcUVEtnF7Vfk189MWfqn6eXSmcqMLgaGzU8EYvqWmbd2362T9yh8wFdJGTTWm8gNgd.jpg)



As of now, it's already my first week in college, and so far I am liking the environment. This is really helping me cope with my recent heartbreak, which is pretty understandable because who doesn't get distracted by the heavy amount of workload? Just kidding!



And today, since I'm already feeling better, I wrote this. I also thank @dennnmarc for always checking me out. Despite my super late replies, he still talks to me like everything is okay. He’s also the one who pushes me to write and show up here. 



The regular programming might continue again. I want to commend myself for choosing to escape the prison of the dark side, and I also want to give a huge thanks to the people around me for saving me. Thanks also to Mark Manson for sharing his words of wisdom. 


See you again in the next blog, and thank you for reading! 


Fin. 

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vote details (619)
@cindee08 ·
Hello there, Ford!

>I also slept early and found other healthy distractions.

This is a great move; focus on yourself and on your health! I'm glad to hear you are feeling better now. It's great to have you back and congratulations on being accepted into a university! I'm happy for you!
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@cli4d ·
Thank you po :)). I'll be focusing muna sa self-love hahaha. College is also a great way to distract myself kaya thankful at medyo nasakto yung pagka accept ko sa admissions sa recent na nangyari
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@cthings ·
Welcome back, @cli4d 😊 
I know it takes a lot of courage for you to write again and I'm happy that you're back on track. 
> It's unfair; whoever loves truly is the one who gets hurt the most in the end.

Don't worry as life is not always like that. It just so happen that you've encountered the one who'll teach you a lesson in this way. 

I'm glad you have your support system with you, your friends and Denn. Taking a break from everything is a good start. 

Hugs with consent. It gets better. 
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@cli4d ·
Thank you ate @cthings ❤️. 
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@dennnmarc ·
I'm just happy that you are recovering from your aches and pains. Thus, it's good to see you back here and grinding.
Perhaps, if you give yourself a space for positivity, then you can a good mood, too.
Wish you the best!
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@cli4d ·
Hahaha, I think there are still remnants of pain and I hope it will not affect me too much. One step at a time. 

Thank you for the support :))
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@dimmablogs ·
I must say we share something in common, I also feel unmotivated when I'm sad, angry, etc. It's like I depend on my emotions too.

I think it's okay to give yourself a little break to recuperate from the overwhelming emotions. Don't beat yourself too much.

Also, I'm sorry about your heartbreak situation. It's life, people will come and go. Just don't give up, be strong and show up while you can.

Congratulations on your college admission, I wish you the best 💕.
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@eunoia101 ·
What position do you have right now, remembered that this was part of our individual growth, too I have been in heartbreaks so many times and I also encountered sleepless nights so I could feel and I knew the feeling you are having, and yes diverting your things into something more meaningful will always be the best. I liked that you found comfort as the study comes first, gets your tears and heartbreaks be an inspiration, letting go of the one you loved and trusted wasn't that loss but its more gain for you now knew your strength even they weren't in your side now.

Be active now then, but still more focused on your studies.

!PIZZA
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@cli4d ·
Thank you @eunoia. It really warms my heart when you guys tell me that I am not alone in this situation and y'all understand me. 
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@hivebuzz ·
Congratulations @cli4d! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s):

<table><tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x70/http://hivebuzz.me/@cli4d/posts.png?202209040531"></td><td>You published more than 20 posts.<br>Your next target is to reach 30 posts.</td></tr>
</table>

<sub>_You can view your badges on [your board](https://hivebuzz.me/@cli4d) and compare yourself to others in the [Ranking](https://hivebuzz.me/ranking)_</sub>
<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>


To support your work, I also upvoted your post!


**Check out the last post from @hivebuzz:**
<table><tr><td><a href="/hive-122221/@hivebuzz/pum-202208-delegations"><img src="https://images.hive.blog/64x128/https://i.imgur.com/fg8QnBc.png"></a></td><td><a href="/hive-122221/@hivebuzz/pum-202208-delegations">Our Hive Power Delegations to the August PUM Winners </a></td></tr><tr><td><a href="/hive-122221/@hivebuzz/pud-202209-feedback"><img src="https://images.hive.blog/64x128/https://i.imgur.com/zHjYI1k.jpg"></a></td><td><a href="/hive-122221/@hivebuzz/pud-202209-feedback">Feedback from the September 1st Hive Power Up Day</a></td></tr><tr><td><a href="/hive-122221/@hivebuzz/pum-202208-result"><img src="https://images.hive.blog/64x128/https://i.imgur.com/mzwqdSL.png"></a></td><td><a href="/hive-122221/@hivebuzz/pum-202208-result">Hive Power Up Month Challenge 2022-08 - Winners List</a></td></tr></table>

###### Support the HiveBuzz project. [Vote](https://hivesigner.com/sign/update_proposal_votes?proposal_ids=%5B%22199%22%5D&approve=true) for [our proposal](https://peakd.com/me/proposals/199)!
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@cli4d ·
Thank you! 
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@jenthoughts ·
That's life @cli4d. There were times that people and emotions will let us down but also learn to find people and find happy and great emotions to raise you up. 

Time heals and for sure the right time to heal will come to you. Don't rush it, don't fake it, but instead accept and try to move on day by day. I hope you will feel better soon.
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@cli4d ·
Thank you po ate jen :)). I really need this advice po 
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@jenthoughts ·
You're welcome @cli4d.. Just keeep going. The world should not stop in there...
properties (22)
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@jijisaurart ·
I can feel your emotions in your writing, Ford. I too went through a heartbreak prior to joining here but that was a long time ago. I just kept myself busy and tadaaa~ I feel much better now.  

All the best, Ford~
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@jude.villarta ·
It was hard for me to keep on reading this blog because i got hurt with every words you said since i can relate and while im reading it i remember the times where i did stupid things just to forget my ex..

And i salute you for portraying your feelings so well...

But yeah time heals all wounds they say
Right? Goodluck ❤
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@cli4d ·
It will be a not easy journey but yup time heals all wounds. Thank you po! 
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@khairro ·
I don't get the idea why the genuine person who is willing to give his/her all is the one who is more likely to receive much pain. It is just so disappointing and at the same time confusing. The irony of life.

I know that you are still in pain from what happened to you but I will hope and believe that you will be okay, maybe not today, not tomorrow, but soon. Giving you the online warmest hug!

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@cli4d · (edited)
hahaha, I am thinking that maybe I should stop giving my pure intention to anyone. Feel ko kasi nasasamantala lang hahaha. 

Anyways, yes I am still in pain. There are times na I will just remember it out of nowhere. Pero mas nagiging bearable naman yung sakit habang tumatagal :)) 
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@pizzabot ·
<center>PIZZA! 


PIZZA Holders sent <strong>$PIZZA</strong> tips in this post's comments:
@eunoia101<sub>(1/5)</sub> tipped @cli4d (x1)


<sub>You can now send $PIZZA tips in <a href="https://discord.gg/hivepizza">Discord</a> via tip.cc!</sub></center>
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@rebolegi ·
Move on... you are still at the beginning of your long journey and this is only the first hurdle you need to overcome. Congrats on your college admission. Wishing you the best and please remember... What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger (Friedrich Nietzsche). 🙂
👍  
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vote details (1)
@cli4d ·
> What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

I really need this. Thank you very much ❤️
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@rebolegi ·
Always welcome.😊
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@spontaneoussober ·
It's good to know that okay ka na ngayon. This is the time to build yourself up again, and to get to know yourself much better. When you know who you really are, then the words and actions of other people that hurt or may hurt you along the way can never affect you. because you know you are strong. strong enough to handle everything. Move forward , be busy, and all the best.
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@cli4d ·
Thank you po @spontaneoussober. Noted :))
👍  
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vote details (1)
@spontaneoussober ·
yess , you're welcome po
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@themedwhowrites ·
Hello, it's okay to grieve what you have been thru. Take time to feel the pain but also remember to take one step further ahead of that. It is not easy as it should be and it will require time for you to be able to get over that. 

I am glad that you are back in school this year. I know that you will excel in your field. And please do know that I understand your situation. 
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@cli4d ·
Thank you @themedwhowrites. I really appreciate your warm comment. It will take time but I believe I will still go through it. 
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@travelwritemoney ·
The support of your friends and family through difficult times, this is love 100% too. 
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@cli4d ·
Indeed. Without them, I can't imagine how will I cope
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