#### <center>I woke up on Monday tired, a little hungover and certainly not ready to face the day, but sadly I had no choice. I had to take Khaya to a specialist for an operation to remove a polyp in her bladder.</center>
<center>Because the last few weeks have been such a whirlwind I hadn't really given it much thought since I booked her in for the op on my normal vets recommendation. We don't know what the polyp is or whether it's cancerous so his suggestion was to remove it so we could get some proper answers. I agreed with him at the time but as I got home to fetch her I started feeling anxious. **Was it really necessary to put my healthy and happy dog through surgery just in case it wasn't benign?** Mum decided to come with me so she could drive and I could call the vet to talk through my concerns. **Within minutes of getting Khaya in the car she was shaking uncontrollably.** She's a rescue dog and was definitely abused before I got her. There are still quite a few triggers that set her off, from children to loud noises she is a very insecure little pup. She's also spent her whole life with Kip and they don't like to be separated. I think it was a combination of being without him, picking up on my anxiety and knowing that alone car trips usually mean the vet. Whatever the reason she was beside her self.</center>
#### <center>I climbed in the back and tried to calm her down but aside from lying on my lap while she shook it didn't do much good.</center>
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#### <center>By this stage I was feeling even less confident that going through with the operation was the right thing to do. I called the vet and relayed my concerns and agreed to come in for the pre op consult and then make a call depending on how she was when we got there.</center>
<center>We arrived and the doctor very quickly agreed with me that it was unnecessary to put her through the trauma of being left in a strange place in the state she was in. She was shaking so much you could hear her nails tapping on the floor. We agreed that I would take her back to my normal vet for another scan to check whether it had grown or changed and based on that book her in for the operation again but this time give her a sedative before putting her in the car so she didn't have to deal with anxiety on top of recovering from what would be a rather large incision and invasive procedure. **She nearly yanked my arm off bolting for the door and could obviously tell she was in the clear.** What had been a complete wreck of a dog a few seconds earlier was now wagging and sniffing contently.</center>
#### <center>I think we were as relieved as each other. I've got too much on my plate at the moment and my anxiety levels are unpleasantly high most of the time without having to deal with the guilt of putting my dog through unnecessary upset.</center>
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#### <center>I struggled to shake my anxiety for the rest of the day and by the time the evening rolled around I knew I needed to give myself a break so I cancelled my plans with Michael and for the first time in a while enjoyed some alone time with the dogs.</center>
<center>Whenever something new enters your life there's a period where you have to redefine the boundaries and I need to find a balance between having someone in my life and still maintaining who I am and what I know I need to do in order to be my best self. Taking a bit of time every now and again to process and chill is important in my life. I have too many thoughts and there needs to be the occasional break in between events to go through them and then let them go.</center>
#### <center>It certainly wasn't the best Monday I've ever had, but we survived! Now if the week could just slow down so I could catch up! Happy Thursday everybody!</center>
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#### <center>Love,</center>
#### <center>Daisy xx</center>
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<center>🌸 **If you enjoyed this post please vote, comment & resteem - it is much appreciated, as always. For more, follow me @daisyd** 🌸</center>
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