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What The.. by dandays

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· @dandays ·
$23.90
What The..
<div class=text-justify>

Weekend / Weakened.  Weird.  Wonder who was watching when we welcomed whatever we want with 15 W-words.</div>

<sub>*Just seeing who's paying attention.*</sub>

<hr>

Hi.  I'm an illuminated screen with vowels and consonants, nice to be met, so, when I say:  *I'm from where the weed's so good it's only after you wash your face you realize you forgot to take your glasses off,* it must be a joke.  Has to.  Paragraphs don't wear glasses.

Weekend/weakened, however, totally real like No Parts spelled backward and you're probably wondering what the..

<hr>

![IMG_4528.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/dandays/23wgN8iAzVNVpDg8PA5EoBnNKaRAHjbYgUjgaWwarYNyDkjcHdiwBWCrdebQm2H5ikRMA.jpeg)

<hr>

I go outside, observe, venture around a little bit.  If no one's looking, I'll snap a photo of a car parked in no parking and put it on the cover.  Explore, see what I see, shit like that and then make a mental note cuz Pura's usually with me and she gets all flustered when I take pictures like the time the lady in front of us had nine *(9)* 6-packs of Mountain Dew in her motorized shopping cart which, by the way, I've only seen in the US and nowhere else, and one *(1)* small bottle of water and nothing else.

*Mind if I get a picture of that?*

And then they flip out, call me names, Pura gets embarrassed, I'm completely taken aback cuz all I saw was how to avoid diabetes and immobility.

I should be able to take a picture of that.

Not everyone's in agreement.  

So, I write it down somewhere, come here, record it on the block before I forget and you either laugh or don't.  No sweat off my nouns.  I'm not even here.

<hr>

Saw a lady at the petrol station with **Ew, People!** on the front of her shirt.  I don't disagree with that statement.  People kinda gross me out, too, like when a triple-x shirt can't contain their belly but it was her son's shirt that inspired this one.

She's got two small children in tow, a boy and a girl, girl's the youngest, I'm guessing 4'ish.  She has each of them by the hand, little boy's wearing a Kermit The Frog shirt.

Green, bright green, he can't be more than 6 years old in a bright green Kermit The Frog shirt.

Kermit's bent over at the waist, spreading his ass cheeks apart with both hands, and in 3x fluorescent blue letters:

> # EXIT ONLY

<hr>

Same station, different day, it's right down the street from the house, lotta good material there.  Stop, park, plug in the pump, go inside to pay when just outside the station entrance stands a couple; presumably husband and wife.  They're enjoying lunch.  

At a gas station.

Lunch is strategically positioned around the top of one of those huge 50 gallon trash cans they station between pumps and near exit doors.  It's got one of those boxy, fiberglass tops on it with flappy lid things to keep the elements out and garbage in except both flappy lid things are missing—garbage can, plastic top, no deterrent flaps.  Bees and flies and whatever else I couldn't make out, mostly just bees, zooming in and out and all around their table top trash can dining room.

As I approach the entrance and have a clearer view, I count three things of Ranch dressing, each with the lid completely removed, a box of chicken wings they're dipping in the Ranch and a large pepperoni pizza, about six slices remain.  Each of them has a 40 ounce cup they're sucking on, one's clear, probably Sprite.

Ann*nd*... Now's about the time I realize I'm staring like it's a wet t-shirt contest.

I stared and watched each chicken wing make a splash in Ranch before disappearing in their face.  Large pepperoni in a half-open cardboard box they're viciously fanning flies from atop a wide-open garbage can and, here I am, practically counting ice cubes until they caught me staring at them staring at me.

***How embarrassing!***

I ducked out faster than Nick Maduro.

They must've felt defeated, too, cuz when I exited only a few minutes later, there was no sign of them like a river crossing in Kursk.

<hr>

Calling weed a gateway drug is like calling a lawn mower a gateway DUI.

<hr>

I do that sometimes.  Not DUI—random question like would you rather come face to face with a bear in the forest or a man?

<hr>

So, anyway, I make more mental notes and take less pictures cuz my wife embarrasses easily and says things like:

> I have to work with these people.  Don't embarrass me!

*But it was just a question..*

> It's not WHAT you say, it's how you say it.

Wife's holiday work event, we're dressed to impress; dancing, mingling, enjoying ourselves.  I met her supervisor, some colleagues, a bunch of people that night and then this one dude, Alex, proceeds to tell me he and his wife just returned from New York, their first time there.

I said, ***the rest of the country isn't that filthy!***

He continued:

> I was so excited for New York street food and all there was were a buncha Abu Dobby trucks.

I don't know how to spell that—"Abu Dobby."

*Abu Dobby?!*

Pura sensed it.  Her hand clinched firmly onto mine.

> You know, 'Abu Dobby,' someone who's not a real New Yorker.

*What do you mean, 'real?'  Italian?*

"No, a 'real' New Yorker" he said, emphasizing real.

Death-grip / I can't stop it / She's squeezing my hand tighter while increasing her fake smile Americans do when we're uncomfortable.

= }

*English, Italian?  What's a 'real' New Yorker?  And what's Abu Dobby, I'm not from here, is that racist for Asian?*

<sub>***(Ow!  Fuck!)***</sub>

That's all I said: *'is that racist for Asian?'*  Pretty straight forward, I thought, when his wife chimed in, apparently seizing the opportunity to diffuse the situation:

> No, not Asian, he means Indian.

I laughed.

*You know India's in Asia, right?*

And Pura broke my finger.

<hr>

![FAC9D1F02A3847C8B80EA048A93E898A.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/dandays/NhLohAZs-FAC9D1F0-2A38-47C8-B80E-A048A93E898A.jpeg)
<center>https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/613135521530642487/613135752708096216/dandays.gif</center>
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vote details (463)
@albuslucimus ·
I reblogged this so I can find it easy to read if I don’t get to read it right now.  I’m on the hook for making snacks and the savages have me surrounded - I just wanted to put up this smoke signal before I disappear into snackwood forest, before I forget…I will have much more to say once I’ve read it - so you know I’m not reducing your article to the stupid comment I’m about to leave.  Anyway, bandaids and the quick tear, right?  Here it is:

Dude! How do you make small text and text that fills the reading space like a real article?  Do you have a resource you reference for all the possible formats here or a search other than “how to format in markdown,” *which has not yielded the most accurate results in my experience*.  I’ve finally mastered the strikethrough and saved templates for red text and headings in my snippets - but these are two I would love to add to my toolbox!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
Know how German Shepherds are like eerily smart, practically speak English, just gotta talk ree*eaal* slo*oow.*

Now ask me again like I'm a German shepherd, what do I do that you don't know to do?   I don't know everything my man but I'll teach you everything I know.  I just don't understand the question.  

Pictures, pics work well!

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@albuslucimus ·
$0.12
HAHAHA What the fuck man ok I just - LOL - ah fuck…I’m laughing too much.  Tell you what I’m gonna go to sleep and get my shit together and I’ll re-ask in the morning when the comedic slap of this response isn’t hittin’ so hard and I can think straight again
👍  
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vote details (1)
@albuslucimus ·
Ok I’ve calmed down.  Old soul was correct, the second thing I was curious about was how you’re doing the subtext.  The first thing I was curious about, was how you are getting the font to adjust spacing to justify left and right sides to the margin.  I made a picture.  Yours looks pretty and landscaped, mine looks like it grew wild and no one cared for or loved it.  Ok that’s extreme, but I do love cool formatting!



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@oldsoulnewb ·
$0.02
I'd bet a shiny nickel that says he's talking about <sub>subtext</sub> and justified formatting. This reply isn't long enough for a good example of justified formatting. Y'know, text aligned on both the right *and* left side. I'm a little curious about that one myself.
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@idksamad78699 ·
$0.03
@albuslucimus I guess you're asking how he's formatting his posts - right?

You can find all those html formatting to make text small, text that fills reading spaces and overall post formatting here in this blog:


https://ecency.com/hive-101265/@yaziris/ultimate-hive-html-post-formatting-guide

Hope this will help. 
👍  
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@albuslucimus ·
$0.03
You just made yourself a friend! 

Lol - thank you :)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@albuslucimus ·
$0.07
> I'm completely taken aback cuz all I saw was how to avoid diabetes and immobility.
>I should be able to take a picture of that.

I just woke my wife up I laughed so hard…and right now because she’s pregnant, she needs to sprawl out and roll around and stuff, so I agreed to spend some time test driving the guest room.  

>Exit Only

HAHAHA LOL WTF ROFL 
Normally I’m wordy, I’m shocked at what I chose to do with this one, but that was my genuine response, so I’ll keep it.


> Annnd... Now's about the time I realize I'm staring like it's a wet t-shirt contest.

Done it again 🤣
…in the beginning I pictured like a gas station with a little seating area inside, like a RoFo or something and was kinda thinking, i mean, my wife wouldnt probaboy want to eat lunch at the gas station *with* me, but i see no oroblem with having lunch at a - oh! On the fuckin’ trash can like bears or rwcoons or something!  Ok thats different…so finding out they’re using the interpumptual trash can as a table for a mutually nasty suck down bingefest, and at this point I’m like, right there in the parking lot in my mind, standing and staring as well at this vividly clear scene - so the wet t-shirt contest line really gave me a slap!


 > Abu Dobby 

…I was in tears by the time she broke your finger 🤣🤣🤣


If this had been a steak, it would have been buttery soft and tender, with perfect texture inside and out.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
You just like my beef.

<hr>

Whaddup man, I saved this one for last.  I just mentioned to OldSoul there's only a handful of you I do *this* for.  You're on that list.  I responded to you yesterday about exploring photosynthesis, it was mushy, never heard back.  Hashtag *Expected,* I'm not typically so Richard Simmons. = }

It was a Weigle, no outdoor seating, just a Weigle trash can like every Weigle has outside the entrance doors, no deterrent flaps on this one.  August, *The South,* mosquitos and bees and gnats and LUNCH.

Careful waking her up, I know better than to do that.  I can kill all the hot water mid-shower on Pura, lock her out in the rain, starve her, totally acceptable behavior but do not, repeat, DO NOT wake her up!
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@albuslucimus ·
Oh man hahaha read that last night, and said
*this is important, it deserves a sincere response…so O saved it for last, got so tired I almost dropped my phone on my face, went to bed and - you know that whole shittin thing - anyway, after reading this I was like…did I ever respond to that?  So I went and checked, and sure as hell I left it unanswered…because I deemed it important.  You’ve now seen the method I use to drive my wife insane…it’s quite inadvertent, but easily maddening for all with a nexus.

I’ve never seen a Weigle…but now when I do, I’ll know who and what story to conjure up to make it special.  South…I’ll bear this in mind…

Same!  And MaryAnn is a light sleeper, and I have picked up a snoring tendency over the years.  Kind of gross and embarrassing, but it’s actual so there’s at least that. 

At least once a night she has to wake me up and tell me to sleep on my side.  I only recently (finally) stopped arguing in my haze

***I’m already all the way to the edge - this IS my side!***

…she wants me to roll ***onto*** my side…

I hate sleeping like that though, so whenever I fall asleep I go right back 🤣

…it is for these reasons that I have been chopped.





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@bbhbot ·
<center><p>@dandays! <b>@eii likes your content!</b> so I just sent 1 <b>BBH</b> to your account on behalf of @eii. <sub>(2/5)</sub></p>
<p><!--<img src="https://i.imgur.com/QwsegY0.png">--></p></center>
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@beerlover ·
<div class='pull-right'>https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/beerlover/yiuU6bdf-beerlover20gives20BEER.gif<p><sup><a href='https://hive-engine.com/?p=market&t=BEER'>View or trade </a> <code>BEER</code>.</sup></p></div><center><br> <p>Hey @dandays, here is a little bit of <code>BEER</code> from @eii for you. Enjoy it!</p> <p>Do you want to <a href='https://friends.beersaturday.com/'>win <b>SOME BEER</b> together with your friends </a> and draw the <code>BEERKING</code>.</p> </center><div></div>
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@cmplxty ·
$0.07
Diabetes is an addicting affliction sadly. Just take this pill though and you’ll be right as rain in no time. Don’t worry if a finger is falling off or your frenulum is gangrene, that’s all part of it. 
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
Can I get a pill to wake up with that, too, please and one for concentration?  I can't focus with all this cake frosting.
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@cmplxty ·
$0.02
Meth is your best friend, but of course the kind made in a legal lab by slaves, instead of the illegal lab by slaves. There’s a difference you know 
👍  
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vote details (1)
@coloneljethro ·
$0.07
It has been my experience that *'it is better to ask forgiveness than permission'* applies to photography as well.

Here I was think that was racist for Arab.  That kind of bullshit always makes me get sarchotic.  Back when I was waiting tables I had some regulars bring in a friend of theirs, who after introductions asked me where my 'high yellow' coworker was. Took everything I had not to give that the response it deserved, which I thought was difficult until the same regulars came in a few weeks later and informed me that the friend had died in a motorcycle crash.  Turns out trying to say *ain't that a bitch* with a straight face is even more difficult.
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@dandays ·
$0.08
Dang, that's the first time I heard that one.  These hate words I'm hearing for the first time have all been in The South.  I've had people hold the door for me and close it on the next guy.  Wish I was making that up.  I'm having a tough time here, dude.

Whaddup Jethro!  That's why I like you.  Thanks for keeping up with me this long.
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@coloneljethro ·
$0.02
None of my coworkers had either, it's an old one.  It's that Southern 'heritage' stuff they talk about I think.  Lol, I don't doubt it, people be petty, usually over dumb shit too.

Wassup?  Hey, we're old timers now, think you're stuck with me.
👍  
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@dynamicgreentk ·
$0.07
https://www.instagram.com/p/C--v13EPnhY/?igsh=eTZ6MjVxcGRpdWEy
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
Whaaaatt?!?  My first one!  At least I think that's what that is.  I don't have Instagram but Pura does.  Soon as she wakes up, I'm on it.  Much thanks.  Might be a minute, though..  

Can do anything else; lock her out the house, turn the water cold, et cetera, but DON't wake her up!

Cheers Taelor.
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@eii ·
$0.05
👍

!BEER
!BBH
!WINE
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
Eii !MUCHTHANKS
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@hivebuzz ·
Congratulations @dandays! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)

<table><tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x70/https://hivebuzz.me/@dandays/upvoted.png?202408240616"></td><td>You received more than 95000 upvotes.<br>Your next target is to reach 100000 upvotes.</td></tr>
</table>

<sub>_You can view your badges on [your board](https://hivebuzz.me/@dandays) and compare yourself to others in the [Ranking](https://hivebuzz.me/ranking)_</sub>
<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>

👍  
👎  ,
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vote details (3)
@dandays ·
Only 95 thousand?! What The..
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@hivebuzz ·
Getting closer to the 100k. Awesome job @dandays 👍<div><a href="https://engage.hivechain.app">![](https://i.imgur.com/XsrNmcl.png)</a></div>
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@hivecurators ·
$0.03
<center><sub>[ 🎉 Upvoted 🎉 ](https://vote.hive.uno/@sagarkothari88)<br/>
| [<sub>Discord</sub>](https://discord.gg/nrxrx2hgfu) | [<sub>Hive Inbox App</sub>](https://inbox.the-hive-mobile.app) | [<sub>Support/Vote</sub>](https://vote.hive.uno/@sagarkothari88) |
|:----:|:----:|:----:|
| [![](https://images.hive.blog/p/X37EMQ9WSwsLaUVnWj5uXRHwjwzR6KfScsHyS24twkWHXTmg7HHYV2Z5mzMViS19T74qMiGUQQ5pZ9VrBbrLP9sHPcULwpp1AJbAW?width=32&height=32)](https://discord.gg/nrxrx2hgfu) | [![](https://images.hive.blog/p/USgKoryE83izTBf93AqTbzm4Dz4uHdFwtDqEw45n7Nesx4YTvkXaHfaWVafxw3jGeXUHj9QofuNSrasC3ibv5k?format=match&mode=fit&width=32&height=32)](https://inbox.the-hive-mobile.app) | [![](https://images.hive.blog/p/2YRZBi4FZVHeQQfitmdxPPgLtSu1HuSyXtTCpRF9N1ZcMUXDB7ptaErLjqFQMaD5TLHTtQEYcossssMUUUwAq1o2AUHkmGeWWML?width=32&height=32)](https://vote.hive.uno/@sagarkothari88) |
</sub></center>
👍  
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vote details (1)
@idksamad78699 ·
$0.07
> whatever we want with 15 W-words.

Just seeing who's paying attention.

I'm too free atp, even counted those W to make sure it's 15.

16 it is with W in that W-words lol.

<hr>

Wait, do extroverts also take picture of a random thing/car while just walking or on way if only no one is looking or are they like F off I'm still going to take that pic, what you gonna do arrest me or smth? 

As an introvert I always look around if someone is there or nah before I take that blurry photo cuz I was doing it quick.

Man, here i rarely see anyone wearing XXl shirts with belly out.. LOL People are more like stick.

They be really doing picnic or date at pump station, probably told wife or kids we going to expensive place for dinner and than that's the local pump station.

>Abu Dobby?!

I don't know why all the time I was pronouncing it "Abu Dubai".


>No, not Asian, he means Indian.

Lmfaoo, saw a tweet yesterday some American guy retweeted "Why Kamala Harris is called Asian American, isn't she Indian?" 

Same energy.










👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
> Lmfaoo, saw a tweet yesterday some American guy retweeted "Why Kamala Harris is called Asian American, isn't she Indian?"

I laughed more at that than an <a href=https://youtube.com/shorts/J15WB-TmRlk?sik5F63PLGZtILGWXY>Adam Ray impression of Joe Biden</a>.

In defense of my fellow Americans and I can only say this cuz my wife and I have been blessed to live in 20 countries, otherwise I'd be just as ignorant.  The indoctrination system here dude doesn't educate like that.  Instead of teaching us where Israel is, for example, cuz I had a dude yesterday tell me Israel is not Asia, they teach geography based on fear.  Mexico - die, Iraq - die, Africa - die, it's strategic.  Stay stateside, no need to go there, pay taxes, work 80 hours a week.

I just woke up and seem to be ranting already. <3

Whaddup man!  Thanks for checking out this article. Haven't seen you for awhile.  If I was to claim a *vert,* I'd probably get labeled omnivert but if you ask my wife, I'm just a sociopath.  = }

Cheers!
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@idksamad78699 ·
> I laughed more at that than an Adam Ray impression of Joe Biden

Lmfao, 

"I still got in me to go four more years" I somehow convinced myself he could do that biden got that dawg in him to go another 4 year if he won elections smh just before he stepped down.

> I have been blessed to live in 20 countries

Ah, curious what's that 21 country going to be... Thought any yet? 

>they teach geography based on fear. Mexico - die, Iraq - die, Africa - die, it's strategic. Stay stateside, no need to go there, pay taxes, work 80 hours a week 

So it's like they want people to believe "Americans are living dream life in dream place" All other places are either worst or dead.. 

> just woke up and seem to be ranting already.

Man I've been ranting a lot nowadays, my own country is messed up.. restricting internet, social media censorship even to extent that popular influencer talking against Gov are getting abducted.. inflation etc etc, planning to leave.. 

All good, hope everything good at your end.

just hectic life but now I'll visit more often, haha !LOLZ. 

Cheers! 












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@jacey.boldart ·
$0.06
Who knew they made muppet shirts like that ??  I'm probably out of the "know" though on that sort of thing. Tsk! Tsk!

She warned you and you knew and you still made her live through it. Meanie !

You like to notice what people eat. I am pretty sure I never ate at a gas station, although I might have had a bite of some something while in the car after I bought it there.  The Sheets here and probably others, has an area with nice tables for just such things, since they have a fast food restaurant'ish counter inside. I have seen people eating out there or waiting or whatever, but I never noticed where the trash cans were in relation to the tables.  Not too far I'm thinking.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
I've seen many spots with tables and chairs and stuff, even gas stations, those just aren't that funny.

We were on the other side of the Atlantic for 5 years, and South America for a couple, Americans eat like farm animals in comparison to everywhere I've been and here, particularly in The South, is the worst I've seen *here* and I've been in all but maybe 6-7 states.  Lived in 11.  What I'm trying to say is you're right, I can't help but notice—eat ANYTHING with their hands **NOM NOM NOM NOM No Fork, No Problem NOM NOM More Pancake NOM NOM NOM!!**

> Meanie

Jace, can I call you Jace?  I hope whatever I say next explains your accuracy.  I'm a work in progress.  I'm 48, right, Pura's got like law degrees and psych degrees and stuff and I'm an only child.  Until her, I didn't understand why I do the things I do cuz it doesn't matter.  She was able to explain why I react the way I ~~do~~ usually do.

I've never had to negotiate space.  Hope that makes sense.  I'm working on it.

<3 

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@jacey.boldart · (edited)
$0.23
I wasn't really judging, I hope you know. I usually keep my REAL call-outs inside my head.

Being called Jace is much better than some other things you could call me. LOL... it really doesn't matter.

I figured she knew you well enough to know you would still do that, even though she asked you not too and even though with her squeezing your hand to where you couldn't say you didn't realize......that if she was really concerned about being deeply harmed by it, she wouldn't have gone to the event. :)

Still... thank you for your honest and personal explanation. There still must be something else amazing about you for her to still keep doing it over and over. ha ha.... 
👍  
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vote details (1)
@livinguktaiwan ·
$0.07
Whenever we watch where wicked witches wander with weird wizards when wild winter willows wither, wise whales will whistle
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@dandays ·
Well, well, well, I'm sure it makes sense, it's not you it's me, other popular cliches, I'm still distracted by weekend / weakened.
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@oldsoulnewb ·
$0.02
Nice.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@lizelle ·
$0.07
Those poor XXXL shirts lose all their dignity when the ones with big bellies wear them!
Same with youngsters wearing jeans with the crotch hanging by their knees, not appealing at all!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
Oh heck yes, Lizelle, we should perform together.  You hold a phone to your face and I'll be like, "look, a college girl" and then I'll smile all huge and bright and you'll go, "look, an assho...."

*I should've rehearsed this.*
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@lizelle ·
...a college girl...that will tickle them!
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@nanixxx · (edited)
$0.07
> Just seeing who's paying attention.

I will come back here. 

🤣 In é fiu auars... maibi tumorrow

---

Sorry, I was tired and with worries... but I have arrived.

Reading you is challenging but very enjoyable and you make me have a good time and it also makes me think a lot. I don't know if it's good to have someone to hold your hand tight sometimes, when you're like that, so you... I think it is. You need help, sometimes. LOL Oh, but tell her not to overdo it. Your finger is important.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays · (edited)
Not sure how many times I've ~~heard~~ read something to affect, 'I don't understand you.'  I'm like, *I don't mean to be so cryptic, sorry about that, I just don't know how else to say 'Americans are fucking disgusting and eat like farm animals' or 'curation' and 'delegation' and 'unfollow', to name a few, aren't real, they only exist on the internet, none of this is real*.

See what I mean?  

> You need help..

*Guilty!*





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@nanixxx ·
$0.08
I think I understand what you write. It is not that. It's the words, I mean slang. 

But it's OK because my brain needs to work.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@nathen007 · (edited)
$0.07
just to prove how thick I am, I'd have just said 'wanker' and done away with all the niceties. I do feel your pain about taking photos though when out with the wife, and this is Thailand dude, there are most likely umpteen more opportunities for ironic photographs than anywhere. You're lucky your wife is so subtle. A simple finger break is much better than 'put that fucking phone away' and a public punch in the face.
Thai style. Saibai sabai.

Have a wonderful weekend Mr Days and my best wishes to both your two and four-legged good ladies :-)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays · (edited)
Is it gay if I say I love Nathen visits?  What if I wanna :censored: :censored:  :censored:?  = }

<hr>

Whaddup Martin!  Serious, if only we can get to Thailand before you leave or we die or both.  Because iHeart Thai food, of course.  

Kidding.  It's people like you, Albus, Jethro, Oldsoul, that I do *this* for.

You do the same sir.  I've been real busy manicuring the backyard these days.  Between that, Atlas, Pura and me me me, I don't have much time to hang out here but know I think about you regularly and only wish the best for you guys.  <3

Cheers!
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@oldsoulnewb ·
$0.07
...gateway DUI, that's awesome. Should specify *riding* mower, though. It took a poor guy like me with a push mower a minute to get it.

River crossing in Kursk almost made me spit out cider. That's hilarious, and *cold*.

As an optimist, I think the woman with the 'Ew, People' shirt was wearing it more as a warning to avoid her particular klan than as a statement. I mean, toting two kids, she's obviously spending at least a *little* time *really* close to somebody. Or (more likely, for a woman who would put a kid in such a Kermit shirt) somebodies. She can't think they're too *eww*.

There's nothing wrong with a romantic, pump-side, trash top picnic, you judgmental prick.

How long after Pura broke your finger did your hand and arm start dying? Blink twice if you need to be rescued from an abusive relationship.

👍  
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vote details (1)
@dandays ·
The first chick who stuck with me longer than a weekend had a brother, 6 actually, one's dead now, fuckin crazy!!  Dude he died like a week after my mother and HE walked my mom down the aisle at that same chicks wedding—crazy!  Anyhoo, a different brother of hers got a DUI once ***pushing*** his bicycle to our place one night.  Fuckin California! I probably got ahead of myself like mower/bicycle, mower/bicycle but you're probably right—seat's likely required.

> *cold*

Good one!

Judgmental - L o L! "Guilty!"  Pura says *prickly.*  <- true story.  Has to warn everyone she introduces me to before I actually meet them, "he's real prickly" and this is like a year or two after they wanna meet me.  She makes them wait.  And the rest I just never meet.

Much appreciate the support dude, thank you.  Comedy pieces are the toughest for me.  Can't gauge the audience, hashtag *NervousWreck.*
👍  
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vote details (1)
@oldsoulnewb ·
I used to think that writing comedy was harder, exactly because you can't gauge the audience. I've now learned that performing live is harder, because if you gauge the audience poorly, they can throw things at you.

We had a local guy catch a DUI on his riding lawn mower, maybe that's why I thought that joke was so funny. California ain't the only crazy police state.
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@dandays ·
Pura just messaged me, she's at work.  She must've just read this one cuz she said, "I can't believe you said Kursk like that.   I know you haven't but you can't ever tell anyone where we live."
👍  
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@oldsoulnewb ·
Pura READS these things? If Hedge Witch read my comedy posts, she would probably strangle me in my sleep.
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@tough ·
$0.06
These shirts really needs to be ironed because who knows the hidden agenda behind it 
👍  
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@dandays ·
If we're speaking metaphorically, your handle's a shade of bullet-proof.
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