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Trying to change others is a messy business and it's an endeavor that you'll likely fail at if you ever decide to try. People will spend a lot of effort and many years of their life trying to change a spouse, a child, or maybe even a friend, only to find out later that their effort has done nothing to develop the habit that they want for the other person. 

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When it comes to changing other people, quite often it can become about making others go about living their life in a way that <b>we think</b> is suitable; but our way isn't the only way. When we are always trying to change other people around us, we are constantly putting pressure on them and scrutinizing them, making them feel small because they can't meet some standard of ours that we have set for them. 

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Sometimes when we are upset that others aren't living up to a certain standard we will bring them down by making comparisons and this can be very hurtful to other people around us. Did you ever have a parent or a grandparent who tended to compare you to someone else? 

## “Why can't you be more like so-and-so?” 


When there is something that we want to address with another person, we can always choose to communicate about it with them, but we cannot <b>force them to change.</b> And if we expect them to change just because we want them to then quite often we will be let down. 

## People themselves have to want to change first before they are going to see any long-lasting results. 

Do you love when someone comes along in your life and starts pressuring you to change and starts pressuring you to be a certain way? Not many of us do. And not many of us are going to be very responsive to someone who is using such an approach. 

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One of the best ways that we can try to go about promoting change in others is by inspiring them to want to change or develop that habit in their lives for themselves. Because they have to want the change for themselves first. Do you want your spouse to be healthier? Then inspire them to go on adventures more, hikes, biking, be creative and fun with how you do it, rather than just complaining about what food choices they make or lack of exercise you see them doing. 

Don't waste your time waiting for other people to change before you accept them. If someone is changing only in order to meet our needs then that person is lying to themselves. And do we want to promote that in others? This is why it is important for the person to want the change for themselves first before they are going to see real results. 

We cannot control how others think, feel, or how they are going to act, but we can control this for ourselves. The effort that we put into trying to change others then might really produce some good results, if it was instead directed at the right place; perhaps taking a look at our own shortcomings and things that we should improve or change before we go about pointing out flaws in others.

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