![](https://images.ecency.com/DQmVxwyZRFHshsT8CuFzSxRo4xYXYo58hzwAMLq8HppzZSU/picsart_22_11_20_22_52_42_931.jpg)

Quiet and resolute
You made your choice
Not with despair as so many imagine
But with a settled mind. 

Perhaps thinking of tomorrow. 

Stepping up to the plunge
A split second breath away
A precipice consuming 
And all is still
Not a breeze or a whisper 
Just a steadfast courage
Facing an abyss. 

Perhaps thinking of tomorrow. 

But there is no tomorrow
With such a choice
Only the finality
And an empty void.
Not a concern for the ones
Living after your twilight 
Just a ringing in the ears
And a wide open eye. 

Perhaps thinking about tomorrow. 

—————-------------------—————

It's always tough to hear about a death, even more troubling when it's rumored to be suicide. Jason David Frank of Power Rangers fame died sometime last night. Of course the tabloids are going nuts. He was only 49 so the speculation about his death started pretty quickly.

I didn't know much about the man honestly. But I did see him back in June in Atlanta. He seemed to be an incredibly nice guy. He stayed several hours past the convention closing just to meet with fans. His fans stood in a line reaching all the way around the venue. People loved him. He was well dressed, in great shape, and jovial.

Is it weird that when I heard the speculation I wasn't surprised? I know what it's like to mask that pain. I know how completely "happy" one can appear to everyone else when secretly they are melting away inside. He was almost *too* nice and happy. And he was very much in hellish circumstances back in June, heading into divorce. You never know what is happening in someone's mind.

I have been in that hole before. People knew my circumstances, but they didn't know just how bad it was inside. They saw a calm man, not always smiling, but definitely not tipping over. And the two times I decided I was going to end it all, there was no panic. No one would have suspected. Not even my own mind could have guessed that's were my emotions and physical actions were going. In fact, it felt like another Tuesday, my thoughts said I was going to get up the next day and go to work, *while the noose was around my neck*.

It was a sudden choice, and my mind wasn't even fully caught up with what the rest of me was doing. "I don't want to die alone" snapped me into a trance. Ironically I was trying to die alone. There was no anguish, no resistance, no despair or chaos, just a numb quiet calm stillness and a resolute set of actions.

A song changed my mind. At least the second time. The first time I gagged and realized that choking is a horrible way to go. Apparently I forgot that because the second time I was seconds from kicking away the stool. But some stupid song was playing in my head. I wish for the life of me (no pun intended) that I could remember what song it was. "I can't go out to this."

So I switched the song to a gospel song. "[Flee as a Bird to Your Mountain" ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3FvKb2n6JDxGe2cqdjDjY9?si=kRJrjkJgT_GET6ycV-fF3g&utm_source=copy-link). It broke me. I pulled off the noose, went to my bed, and wept. While things didn't get easier, that weeping was such a pressure valve, I felt better.

Suicide is finality. When it's done, it's done. It is a cowardly act. I mean no offense by that, but I believe it is. It is far more brave to face problems head on and eventually find yourself way better off than before. There is no courage in complete and total surrender.

So don't do it. Get help. Think about the future. And cry occasionally.

—————--------------------—————

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