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Theinkwell writing challenge: Beauty with a twist by dwixer

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· @dwixer ·
$1.82
Theinkwell writing challenge: Beauty with a twist
In the history of well-intentioned writing aphorisms, the only piece of advice that gets used more than “write what you know” and “kill your darlings” might be the ever-popular “show, don’t tell.”

Show, don’t tell is an approach to writing in which stories and characters are conveyed via actions, thoughts, words, and sensory details — instead of cold, factual exposition. 

While the true origin is disputed (some point to Percy Lubbock’s 1921 book, The Craft of Fiction), popular culture has attributed it to Russian writer Anton Chekhov and his (commonly misquoted) line:

> Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass.


![img_0.7667372760231776.jpg](https://images.ecency.com/DQmdQByavZwk9RfYfuynRNsQbKkWyck8cU4MXGy4uXAHyT8/img_0.7667372760231776.jpg)


[Source](https://pixabay.com/images/id-4742756/)
**Story**

--------------------
Stanley lost consciousness of his surroundings as he remained stuck in the foyer with his mouth unwrapped peering at the young dark girl who walked past him flaunting her relaxed-dark long hair. Her eyes were blue, a plump lip, dainty nose, and had a round eyebrow that perfectly covered her crystal blue eyes. Her cheeks reveal her dimples whenever she smiles. She wore a red gown that presented her great figure shape and glossy skin revealing her curves and edges as she took every step with scrutiny. All eyes moved toward her direction as she became their distraction.

"Hey, do you think this lady is from this town," Stanley said dabbing Dan on his shoulder.

"Don't know"
"I haven't seen such a girl around here"
"That's because you have been here for just two days".

" What's the time?" Stanley asked picking up his luggage that was now lying on the floor

" It's past noon"
" Oh no"
He ran down the stairs overhauling on his wristwatch at short intervals. *He must have stared at the stranger longer than he thought* he imagined. Not wanting to ruin the moment charmed by her great figure, he waved off from his heart the thought of his boss whose subtle voice will be echoed through the building while rant out why punctuality is a virtue.
Everything seems to be glittery, his encounter in the morning left a dent in his heart. thinking of the lady on red made his day glamour with inner peace and longed to see her again.


👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 236 others
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vote details (300)
@agmoore ·
Hi @dwixer,
A charming blend of humor and infatuation.  He is entranced by the beautiful young lady, and yet recalls the maxim: punctuality is a virtue.

Your description of the lady is quite vivid.  We can see her and understand why the narrator is so taken. Perhaps the beginning of a relationship, if fortune favors him?

> thinking of the lady on red made his day glamour with inner peace and longed to see her again.

You did not use the word 'beauty' but conveyed it perfectly.  Good job!
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@dwixer ·
Thank You for the kind comment. I also believe a beautiful future await them both
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@amirtheawesome1 ·
On one hand I wish there was more written, but on the other I kinda understand it. It's often we come across that event that leaves us struck and feel something missing which I guess adds to how short this is. 

Great post. 
👍  
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vote details (1)
@agmoore ·
Thank you for supporting this author!
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@amirtheawesome1 ·
Thanks, I am trying to fit in more of these into my schedule. But my life is kind of a mess. 
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@dwixer ·
Thank You, I appreciate the loving comment and the fact that you understood it
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@amirtheawesome1 ·
I wouldn't have gotten it if it wasn't well written. 
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@gracielaacevedo ·
Beauty idealised by the eyes of the beholder, @dwixer. Love at first sight . 
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@dwixer ·
Yeah, that's a perfect name for it
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@jayna ·
Nicely done vignette. You did such a nice job of describing this stunning woman, and how mesmerized the main character is by her. Because you described her appearance in depth, it is quite believable that he would lose track of time. 
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@dwixer ·
Thank You for the beautiful comment. I'm glad the description portrayed the message
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@justclickindiva ·
Hello @dwixer I like your story of a chance encounter with an alluring woman. Your description of the young woman is nicely done. I can visualize her walking past him.  She does leaves an impression on your character that causes him to block out his presence of mind in adhering to his work schedule.

I agree that your change of tense in the middle of describing her changes the entire paragraph from the event that happened earlier in the day.

Thanks for sharing your story.
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@dwixer ·
Thank You for the comment. I always appreciate
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@kemmyb ·
What a charming story! Stanley was quite enchanted by the lady's beauty. You did a great job vividly describing her beauty. I wished the story did not end there.. Would have loved to know more. I could sense a connection between Stanley and the pretty lady. Impressive. ☺️🍀
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@dwixer ·
Thank You @kemmy for the kind comment, maybe another time I may conclude the story
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@litguru · (edited)
Great piece with a strong introductory paragraph. I liked this line in particular.

"Her cheeks reveal her dimples whenever she smiles."

I really like this line...BUT... My only critique of it is that it changes the tense from past to present. I do this all the time when my writing is flowing.

I prefer this line written in the present tense, but I don't know if others more knowledgeable of grammar & style have a different opinion.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@agmoore ·
Thanks @litguru, for your encouragement of this author and for your astute comment.  It is true that switching tenses in the middle of a story can be problematic.
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@dwixer ·
I understand, I believe authors have a favourite style that keeps them engage and the present tense is yours. Thanks for the feedback and kind comment. 
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@one-eye ·
Great story and excellent reminder that beauty isn't limited to landscapes or works of art but can be be found anywhere - even a passing moment.
👍  
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@agmoore ·
Thank you for supporting this author, @one-eye, and for making such an encouraging comment.
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@oscarina ·
Corto, pero denso, sugerente y conciso... La solapada contraposición tiempo - belleza atrapa. Buen relato @dwixer
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@dwixer ·
Gracias, estoy realmente agradecido por su amable respuesta.
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@ricardo993 ·
Nice job describing the girl. It happens to all of us when we stare at a spectacular woman, even her beauty can affect our mood and our perception of time.
properties (22)
authorricardo993
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@dwixer ·
Hahaha. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for the kind comment
properties (22)
authordwixer
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@theinkwell ·
Well done, @dwixer. We've given your post a kiss from curie! Congratulations!
properties (22)
authortheinkwell
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@dwixer ·
Thank You , theinkwell
properties (22)
authordwixer
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