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### Oh crap what have i done?! I think its a good thing.. well if it works it will be! It's kind of crazy, and just the sort of mad thing i do sometimes.. What am i talking about you may wonder... let me explain!

<p>Three days ago I took my very old and beaten up car for its yearly inspection. I bought this car, the cheapest i could find, 5 months ago once i got to Portugal and quickly realised i was going nowhere, and in every sense of the word.. I simply had to have a car, there is no public transport and ride sharing is rather tricky even at the best of times but right now with Corona its really not a great option. It was really hard for me to spend $700 on such terrible car that had so much wrong with it. For some reason Portugal has the most expensive cars ive ever seen, with a good 30% tax hike on everything,. and so what I got for $700 was really pretty terrible. I knew i had just three months on the inspection left and was always concerned that it would not pass and i would have to end up either ditching the car or spending a fortune on fixing it. So, sure enough three days ago it failed for the second time... mainly on CO emissions. I held the red paper in my hand and drove away from the inspection centre feeling a bit upset, and on the drive home i contemplated my options. </p>
<p>I could just get it fixed again, and HOPE that it then passes on the third attempt.. but i wasn’t very in to that idea as just getting it fixed meant having to get help to and from the mechanic, and then who knows how long I would be without a car for. Also, its fair to say that this 1999 red Mitsubishi was not really very practical for me, for the sole reason that it doesn’t have Air conditioning. Now normally we can get by without it, but let me tell you, Portugal summer is like no other. It can reach temperatures of 50 degrees Celsius inside. The windows can be wide open and nice dry hot air blows in.. its terrible! To make matters FAR worse, my phone can not take this kind of heat and so it just stops working... which is a REAL problem when its your sat nav! I ve already gotten lost a few times as my phone roasted and I had no idea where i was driving.. all in the sweltering heat of the day.. not fun!</p>
<p>So as I drove home i made the decision that i was going to buy another car, and then TRY to fix the old one as and when it could happen and then hopefully sell it and get some money back. That felt good, and I was quite excited at the prospect of closing my windows and being able to drive without sweat pouring down my face! Yeah im pretty heat intolerant at the best of times, and so if you put in me in 40 degree or more then its more or less game over for me! </p>
<p>Now, the other side to this story.. the part that is very important to me! You see, as some of you know.. i have been an avid smoker of both tobacco and cannabis for about 30 years. Its fair to say that for about 25 of those years i have been very stoned more or less all of the time. I am one of those people who can function quite normally when stoned, and have gotten totally used to waking up and smoking from dawn till dusk.. I have stopped a few times, once for a few years.. and quite a few times whilst married to Clara.. She never liked it and always dreamed of me giving up properly.. Sadly i never managed to do it, and I think it was one of the reasons our marriage failed. This habit has had many opportunity costs, and money is another one of those. </p>
<p>Whilst driving home i thought about how much i have spent on this stuff over the past 5 months.. It didn’t take long to realise that it was around 70% of my outgoings.. I was hardly spending on food, obviously was not going out, and just continued to basically throw most of my money to smoke. It also has dawned on me many moons ago that i probably should stop smoking, for health reasons, as well as for my personal growth. One big thing that changes when I am stoned is my social skills.. and ability to connect with others. I much prefer being alone and doing my thing, in my bubble, and have been doing that forever! Yes ive had an amazing social life as well when i was younger.. but as time has gone by i have become more and more reclusive.. </p>

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<p>I simply haven’t been able to stop smoking for a long time now, and so whilst driving home some part of my mind, and im not sure if its the smart section or the crazy section..came up with a most brilliant (read crazy) idea. What if i buy a car that costs so much that i cannot afford to smoke anymore? What if i just forced myself to stop by making it impossible to buy it! Genius right?! Well that’s Alex logic for you.. and i wont be able to tell you if its genius or not for a few weeks at least..  </p>
<p>Its taken me a few days to let this idea sink in, and today i did it.. I drove to the nearest city and looked at some pretty spiffy second hand *but very nice* cars. WITH AIR CONDITIONING and all those funky things new cars have.. I have no idea really what it can do as i haven’t even seen or been in a modern car like this for a good 15 years. I sat in this thing and felt like i was in a spaceship.. There were buttons everywhere, and a big touch screen display.. cameras everywhere, probably the most comfortable seat ive ever sat in ( id love one of those at my desk!).. and god only knows how many little tricks it has up its sleeve. It is also a hybrid so it will pollute much less ( if i drive nicely) and cost less to run. Basically this car was clearly overkill.. I think the sales woman must have thought i was mad.. i didn’t test drive it, i didn’t even turn the engine on.. all i said was that i just needed good Air conditioning.. of course she said that the AC was VERY GOOD in this car.. and that was enough for me.. I mean i REALLY didn’t need to test this thing.,. it was clearly going to be amazing to drive compared to the oldest shitty car ive ever owned.. actually ive never bought a nice car, and always drove around in real old cheap cars, until i converted to a bike many years ago.. </p>
<p>So i was almost there.. I just had to try get a shit load of money loaned to me and that would be enough to clean me out every month on the repayments ;-) which means.. yes .. no smoking! haha. The bureaucracy in Portugal is pretty slow, so i went home and decided to go online.. searched out a loan and found one with my bank at a pretty decent rate of 3.5% APR. These days getting a loan can be scarily simple, and i just filled out a very basic form and click through to the end.. approved the 100 pages of the contract as we do .. without looking at it of course.. and BANG.. It was done within 20 minutes. The money was in my account within a couple of hours.. WOw.. that is crazy but im not complaining. I detest loans, banks and all that jazz. but difficult circumstances call for difficult decisions.. and besides if it helps me stop smoking im all for it.. </p>
<p>SO, im happy to say I have surrendered to stopping smoking today. Today is day 1, and so far im doing pretty well. Sometimes when i stop it really hurts me, it feels very sad! Its a hard one to explain but its like one of the only things i have held on to.. a constant if you like, throughout the madness of life. There is more i could say about it, but the point is that i feel ready for this! Its going to be hard for me because i have a lot of challenges on my plate right now, but it feels like its TIME!</p>
<p>I hope to pick up my new car on Friday, and rebirth myself in to whatever i will become! I've already started cleaning up this afternoon.. which is one of MANY things that may well start changing around here.. Lets see what the next few weeks bring.. Maybe ill post more about it as i go.. im sure i will have something to say.. and hopefully it will be positive and I will be CLEAN! Send me your positivity ;_) </p>