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I had a devastating start to my day today leaving me feeling less than good...I'm not much better right now, although I made it through the day and that's something.

After staring into space for a while I decided to occupy my mind with something productive so pulled out a Lego build I've been working on. I say, *working on,* but it has actually sat untouched for a few months; I've been otherwise engaged. Today seemed a good day to resume and I hoped the process would calm my overactive, unsettled mind.

The build is a big Lego Technic set which incorporates Lego's most complex gearbox to date. You can read the initial post ***<a href="https://peakd.com/hive-142010/@galenkp/redemption-through-lego-technic">here</a>*** which will fill you in if a little more you would like. 

The day I began the build I was chatting with a very special person. I remember joking about the set not working when I was finished due to me having put a part in wrong during that initial stage because of a lack of focus due to that chatting - I said I'd blame the person I was chatting to as a joke and we had a laugh about it then thought nothing more of it for a few months...Until today. 

Of course I would never do such a thing, lay blame, because I'm a *take responsibility and ownership sort of guy* but today when I resumed building...Well, let's just say I had to deploy that ownership and responsibility scenario and I thought of that chat.

<center>![20210508_103459.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/galenkp/Eq5JJrCtqeu1w7CJUxJcUGuenfkzpQMEH5q57uuSpv5sJVPnacA2wm4awsPm4AxcN1i.jpg)</center>

As I approached the end of *phase one* of the build this morning, the gearbox, chassis, sub-frame, differentials and electric motors section, I began to feel some satisfaction and the repetitive action of finding parts and fitting them correctly helped to quiet my mind; The action of following a process brought relief from the thoughts in my head and there was comfort in building something.

I'd just finished building and inserting another differential and thought I'd check it all for correct operation; That's when I found out a section of the gearbox was not functional. It didn't turn. It was dysfunctional.

*Easy,* I thought. I'm a seasoned campaigner, very good at this Lego stuff, and I'd work it out. But no...I didn't. You can see the offending parts above in that image...See those two grey cogs sort of between my fingers? There's another above also and they are all locked up. Non-functional. It renders the entire model non-operational and completely useless.

What this means is that elements of the remote controlled truck will not work when commanded. No forward, backwards, gear or speed changes. It might as well not exist. 

A half hour later and flipping back to that section of the build in the manual trying to work it out and...Still not working. I just couldn't find the issue and that made me feel pretty bad. I thought back to that online chat and the focus I *didn't give* to that phase of the Lego build. I'd still have that chat over again though, it was worth it!

<center>![20210508_104107.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/galenkp/EpLkKz1JLNuSKUh5pSh6JWyWeNacXvqWxGRiN86EMtHZFTmTyZmm6xnUZzeLUhLPQQL.jpg)</center>

#### It's my fault and I'm to blame

I'd done something wrong that left the build flawed and dysfunctional. It wasn't what I needed at that point considering the way in which my Saturday morning had begun. 

I sat for a while, doing that *staring into space thing* again then came to the only logical decision I could make. Dismantle the thing piece by piece and start over. You know, take what should be a beautifully-functioning thing and deconstruct it into a pile of useless bits, much like a jigsaw puzzle in its box; Jumbled, disconnected and totally pointless.

<center>![20210508_085631-COLLAGE.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/galenkp/AJkV55ZynHAd64xxWJFXUGQLVGH7ssBEiNe6f1wuNZVVgaCNvFcvodwU4uRyoJL.jpg)</center>

Above you can see this morning's work, the lower left being how it was left after the initial build months ago and then the progress I made. I didn't have it in me to begin its total and utter destruction today though - I suppose I hope it will prove to be a bad dream and It'll miraculously begin to work perfectly but, in truth, I think it's irrevocably broken and no matter how much I wish for it to be *right* it's not going to be. I'll have to start the process of deconstruction at some stage I guess, that's the only way forward - Just not yet. Not today...Or tomorrow.

I packed up the build into the small lidded-tubs I use to keep *work-in-process* Lego builds within so they don't lay around the house and stored it up on top of a wardrobe well out of sight then resumed my *staring into space* activities for a couple hours. Unproductive.

The take-away is: *Concentrate when building complex Lego gearboxes.* 

I made the decision to engage in the chat and build Lego at the same time. I made the decision to compromise one for the other and today I paid the price. I actually paid a very high price in general today, not just a Lego-related one. But here's the thing...*I'd do the chat the same if I had the time over...I wouldn't build Lego consecutively.* Live and learn.

The pieces are all there, they just need reconstructing, tender care and attention, and all will be well. When things go together so well it's only a matter of working through complications and sometimes the path towards something amazing isn't straight, or straightforward. I'll fix it, but not today; It's not in me right now, but staring into space is.

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***
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - *Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind*

<sub>Discord: galenkp#9209</sub>