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Esteem - Self and others by galenkp

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· @galenkp · (edited)
$17.92
Esteem - Self and others
A few days ago I came across a few comments on hive that I wasn't very happy with; They didn't relate to me, or anyone I converse with regularly, however to me they seemed harsh, inappropriate and rude. There's no gain to be had from revisiting them, or the individuals involved, although I wanted to share a couple thoughts inspired by the event.


[Image removed]

People often find it really easy to judge others, most often based on the smallest bit of information like a glance or random and isolated occurrence, rather than an understanding of the full picture. 

Judging is easy, delving into the crux of the matter somewhat more complicated. Perception is reality for most too...You know, *G-dog shoots guns, so mush be a redneck, gun-toting criminal*. Yep, if that's how a person sees me, then to *them* that's what I'll be. But perception isn't always reality, mostly not even close. It was perception that sparked the comments I mention above, as far as I can tell anyway, and it continued from there. I didn't see it as warranted, justified or deserved personally, although this sort of thing is replicated all over social media and in real life.

The thing is though, that most often when someone attacks others it's not necessarily all about the *attackee*; Many times the *attacker* is lashing out due to a lack within themselves: Self-esteem or worth, maybe anger at oneself for a transgression one can't find forgiveness for, lack of validation, jealousy...Many reasons...Sometimes just because the person is an asshole too I guess. 

Esteem means respect and admiration...You know, things like *I hold so and so in high esteem*...It's not reserved for other people though, we can feel it as well, *ourselves*. It's a good feeling too, feeling good about oneself, confident, capable and so on. But many people feel low self-esteem and that's where problems can start. 

I don't believe low self-esteem is reason for someone else to drag others down but for some unknown reason *they can, and do* feel this way.

Today I wanted to share something I learned a long time ago. I'm not going to go into the psychology of why someone feels vindicated to tear others down because their own lack, I'm not qualified to do so, but I feel qualified to share something I learned many years ago and have used to good advantage. 

#### *The easiest way to increase one's self esteem it to increase someone else's.* 

A simple enough concept, but one simply not used enough. 

I've been at the receiving end of people's attacks on occasion; I think most of us have, and whilst those people may have got some momentary *up-feeling* in the long term later they probably feel even worse than they did before, or just the same, which is the same thing as feeling worse I guess. By *increasing someone else's self esteem* though, one gets rewarded with gratitude, happiness and usually a smile...A much better set of feelings to take away I'd say. 

It's not difficult to increase people's self esteem either...Usually a *thanks I appreciate you* is enough. A compliment (genuine of course), a warm smile and some kind words, a little genuine praise maybe, holding a door for someone, carrying something heavy a, *I hope you have a nice day,* comment...It makes other people feel they are worthy of such acts...It goes far beyond that of course, but I want to keep this simple. 

I'll be honest, sometimes I'm grumpy as hell and want to tear someone a new one, you know? Sometimes I just want to lash out, especially when bad news hits...But is that bad news *your fault and is lashing out at you and making you feel worse going to help that bad-news situation?* Nope, of course not. 

So, I squash those thoughts, compliment someone, smile, thank someone for their efforts, praise people...Basically drive the negative feelings downwards to be replaced with positive ones. Sure, the bad thing needs dealing with, but if I'm in a better frame of mind I'm better able to do so. 

I don't know why people vomit such negativity onto others with the expectation of it improving their own feelings...It doesn't. It would be much better for them to improve someone else's feeling of self esteem and worth...Those feelings are reciprocal. 

I'm interesting in hearing your thoughts on the matter...Have you felt the same as me or do you totally disagree? Have you had similar experiences, or even *been the attacker* on occasions? Do tell.

Thanks for reading.
***
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - *Tomorrow isn't promised.*

Be well
Discord: galenkp#9209


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vote details (267)
@abh12345 ·
I appreciate you Galen! Even if you are a gun-toting mush 

> G-dog shoots guns, so mush be a redneck, gun-toting criminal.

# 😁

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@galenkp ·
Haha! Well, I only *tote the guns* on occasion so, yeah, totally worthy of appreciation I reckon. Mostly. 🥴
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@akhyar23 ·
Good post
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@bashadow ·
Some times I am rude back to be honest, but it is generally with a point, example "thank you for putting words in my mouth", very easy to type when they state you said and you did not. 

A lot of times I will just ignore the negativity, and move on. I did after-all at one point have over 100 people on mute. One of the things I really like about the block chain style of social interaction. 

I also will on occasion engage with the person with questions like "How did you come to that conclusion with what I wrote"? "Perhaps you misread my post and intent"? But I very rarely step down to the level of negativity that some people can throw out.

It is easy to be cruel and uncaring when on line, it allows people a chance to lash out blindly,in real life given no consequences for their actions they will lash out there also if they feel they can get away with it. 

There have been study after studies about power over others and committing harm on others. In the United States, i think at Sanford University they ran the Guard Prisoner study. If you push this button you will cause pain to the prisoner. Almost all of the guards would push the button. 

wiki link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_prison_experiment#:~:text=experiment%20was%20discontinued.-,Conclusions,%2C%20caused%20the%20participants'%20behavior.

You can change people and their behavior, it just seems it is easier to turn them into Megalomaniacs than into Mother Teresa's.
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@galenkp ·
I can't disagree with anything here, said it all so well.I especially like the *cruel and uncaring when online* comment. It's easy to be this way knowing there'll be no real repercussions right? In real life? Hmm...Maybe someone will reciprocate in some way. It's interesting about that prison guard thing...Very interesting. Humans really can be assholes right?
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@bigtom13 ·
You know?  I read through this and the responses and I could feel the burr under my butt start to cause me some distress which is directly connected to my mind and more importantly to my mouth (or fingers by extension).

But I was out of coffee and went for a new cup before I rose to my eloquent rage.  It turns out I needed to make another pot (daren't run out of coffee at this time of the day).  Guess what?  I didn't have enough beans left for a pot so I had to open a new bag.  The smell of fresh roasted coffee filled my entire kitchen, and I just stood there sniffing for a minute or so.  Then I ground the beans and headed back here and I just didn't have the eloquent or any other sort of rage.  It just smells too good in here to be anything but a grinning idiot.

Which begs the point.  If everybody would just go make a fresh pot of coffee before they fired away at another human there'd be a lot less firing and a lot more humanness around.

That's the thing isn't it?  In order to fire away at somebody, particularly somebody you don't know, you have to disavow their humanity, at least to a degree.

I believe in numbers.  I honestly believe for every attack like that there are 100 people that just can't be bothered.  Whether they've just made a fresh pot, or just gotten laid, or generally just don't care enough to join the rage.  My point is that it's not the whole world fomenting the attack, it's an individual.  How important are they in the overall course of things?

On an only vaguely related topic:  I had a chance to fire away on an individual yesterday late and I let it pass.  She was on an 'it's not fair' rant, a behavior that is guaranteed to irritate me.  Then I thought what a Karen and I had to smile.  My first ex was named Karen and every time I hear or think that designation I can't help myself.  I smile and think "Yep.  Nice call."  

Just from one gun toting, red neck asshole to another, don't you know?
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@galenkp ·
Oh yes the power of coffee...*coffee don't play* right? Solves all sorts of issues. You're right though, taking the time to detach from a situation before one *cuts sick* is a smart thing. 

I used to hate being told to *count to ten* by my dad, *infuriating* for a kid who just wants to act. But when I grew up...Yep, detaching from a situation certainly adds perspective and can avert future actions that may have repercussions of their own. 

I often feel like teeing off at some stupid shit or the other but tend not to these days...The thing is though, that I'm not into dragging people down like the trolls of the world; I've been the trollee before, the victim, and so I know what it feels like which basically precludes any thought of me wanting to be the troller. 

Having said that though...*G-dog is mighty good at putting trollers in their place when needed*. I just cant be bothered mostly...Best to stay in my lane and deny the troller any power over me, or any validation which, we all know, is what they are really seeking. 

Yeah, *Karen's* are everywhere...Best to let them be Karen's and for us to be the awesome gun toting red neck assholes we are. 😁
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@bigtom13 ·
The biggest and most important lesson I have learned in the last 30 years is that it's OK to just stop and back up a step.

When I was younger I did not have a reverse gear.  One of the physical consequences of that is that I've had my nose surgically repaired because it was broken so many times.

I can and do stand up once in a while.  It's the old "If not me, who?  If not now, when?" mentality.  In truth, I can play shit mouth with the best of them.  I haven't forgotten the training from the first 40 years of my life :)

I just don't have time to be a troll or attacker.  I actually have better things to do, even if that is contemplating my naval lint.
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@bil.prag ·
i found that a lot of times people are surprised by kindness, especially when they expect conflict and they don't know how to react to it.
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@galenkp ·
$0.02
Yes that's true! It disarms people sometimes, takes the wind out of their sails and can decide a situation quickly. Good point indeed!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@creativemary ·
Genuinely happy people don't hurt others, they are too busy with living their lives. I have found that usually emotionally wounded people who haven't healed are the most ferocious attackers. They ***vomit negativity*** like you said and I would also add that they vomit pain... I think that most of us might have been attackers too at some point, what matters is if we realize the damage and apologize. Because everyone has soft spots, we can feel hurt even if the other person didn't meant to hurt us. Intentional malice and vindictive behaviour on purpose is another story. I would stay away from people who fail to admit they have a problem within themselves. I also learned a lot about myself while dealing with negativity, from others and sometimes from myself. Learning to apologize comes from forgiving yourself first and trying to understand the other, without turning to savior mode. Nobody can save anyone from themselves and becoming a better person is a personal responsibility. No one is to blame for your behavior than yourself, your thoughts, your actions. A lot of people blame others for their negativity and that's what stops them from healing and changing themselves.
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@dandays ·
You put this together really well, @galenkp. Before I forget, I'm glad I got you in my *sights* again.

I couldn't agree with you more. I'm currently working on something along these same lines where I'll likely mention the obvious such as the current market position of hive. 🤔  I'm already prepared for the backlash--hashtag fuck it!

I can remember when Steem was a top 25 *start-up* and the current market position has that same start-up substantially in front of this one. As I said, I'm currently piecing an article together in this regard and these are just a few points I intend to make.

Speaking from my own experience, sir, I can't even release a comedy piece these days where I specifically mention the word "joke" in the first paragraph--6th word to be exact, without catching heat.

Thanks for putting this one together, Galen, very well documented, and I couldn't agree with you more. You have my full support. You adore your wife which is admirable in itself. You're supportive, you write well *(and often 😉)*, I'm glad we *met* and this ain't a ass kissin--it's real. From my own experience on this platform which is my very first type of social media experience, the realer we are, the more shots we take. No pun.

Another one we're all very familiar with--*if you can't say something nice, don't say*..... ahh.. I forgot how it goes. 

Now you and Faith go have the best weekend of the whole got dang year Dammit--you're in my scope.
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@galenkp ·
Thanks for your kind words man, much appreciated. 

I just try to march to the beat of my own drum here on hive rather than play an act...I'm just me, like it or leave it, and that way I feel content. I get disappointed and want to rage about certain things but at the end of the day I can't affect them and so simply move on with my own thing...*Writing (often) and enjoying it.* 

If more people did the same rather than meddling maybe they'd be happier. 

I don't know mate, I'm just a a small town lad who likes to write some stuff and has an opinion or two that I sometimes share. 

Have a great weekend, I assume. You'll be house hunting again. Good luck.
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@dandays ·
You're a good dude. Bloke, mate, chap, you know what I mean!! 👍🏿 

We're gonna enjoy Labor Day weekend, sir. So far she was right. I actually got some sleep last night--*blutty* miracle. While I got you, I've been paying a lot of attention to economists the past 72 hours even selling off some BTC myself and I believe it's in our best interest to watch from a distance for a moment.

What do you think? 

By the looks of current markets *(all of them!)* and an unforeseen future, Galen, *ithink* holding off anywhere between 9-15 months will prove to be financially beneficial.

Any thoughts?
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@daveks ·
Some people are just mad at the world, and when they successfully bring you down to their level, it brings them some kind of twisted happiness. Sad, but true.
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@galenkp ·
Yes that's exactly right. Sometimes I get really annoyed and worked up over it, but remember also that they're not me and have no real power over me, certainly not with mere words...Hive is my only social online interaction and I most will never meet me or know what I'm all about, the true me behind the keyboard. It's the same for all of us, so best to let *haters* hate and move on with what we want to do regardless of their toxic negativity. 

I don't like it when people get pushed around and possibly off hive though...We need *everybody.* Just my opinion.
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@daveks · (edited)
Everyone has a Voice. Hive is where you should be able to "let it rip", without fear of censorship or bullying. Just because I may not agree with @scubahead all the time, doesn't mean I gotta tear him a new one (we have no beef actually, lol).
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@eveuncovered ·
$0.70
I think jealousy is the biggest culprit here, I see it all the time. A pretty girl on the internet with a lavish looking lifestyle gets the most hate, everyone wants to be her but know they can’t so try to bring her down. I occasionally have to check myself and ask why am I thinking negatively about some random hottie on the internet, it’s not healthy!
👍  
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vote details (1)
@galenkp ·
Oh yes, I agree completely *jealousy and perception*. They call that sort of thing the *tall poppy syndrome* among other things; Cutting people down who have risen above others out of sheer spite and jealousy. 

Also, yes you need to take stock of yourself Eve, understand how you feel and if it's negative due to some asshole *tall-poppy-cutter* then yep, check yourself and move the fuck on...They ain't worth it. 

You be you, and let the haters be them...I'll be me...Everyone in their place...The cool thing is the haters will be unwelcome in the circles that others keep. 

Have a great weekend Eve. 

P.s. Legit. (Just in case I missed saying that on one of your posts previously.)
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@eveuncovered ·
Oh, I meant that I’m a hater sometimes, and that is when I need to check myself and my own jealousy. I’d never leave hater comments though but sometimes I do think something stupidly negative about someone relatively more succesfull than I am. 

I myself don’t get much hate comments, I used to though, before I proved myself to be more than an *ass.*

Have a legit weekend! 🤗
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@gabrielatravels ·
As nice the internet and the online world can be, as advantageous it is for people to be rude and show their dark side to random guys for no reason without knowing *(or caring)* that those may suffer when they read their words. 

I personally find it a very toxic place where people will be roughly criticised for anything they do or share without impacting someone's life directly, and a place where you can't really share your feelings to the other part, being very easy to misinterpret their answers without being able to see if they smile or are angry or their mood on that moment. 

But we are in 2020 already and the world becomes more and more digitalized and we can't really step back from it because it also represents our futures. Don't know yet if this is good or not :(
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@galenkp ·
I agree with you on all counts and that the digital world is an intrinsic part of our society. I guess what *we can do* is guard ourselves, our own feelings, and do what we can to mitigate the impact of toxic people and behaviour. 

I think it's important for people to know (remember/understand) their own truth and that what people say is just someone else's opinion and often of no consequence. Sure, that may be hard, but it's a damn sight  easier than trying to change other people's behaviour...Let them be them...We'll be *us*.
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@gabrielatravels ·
Exactly! Wise words! 
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@karenb54 ·
I am busy working with my self esteem, its really low. The last thing i would do is to leave a comment to make someone feel the way i do. If you have nothing nice to say say nowt.
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@galenkp ·
Yes, an old saying that still applies.
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@karenb54 ·
One everyone should learn to follow :)
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@mamalikh13 ·
$0.20
I'm definitely for bringing up someone's esteem. But Truth and corrections are needed to be done, not in a destructive negative way of course.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@galenkp ·
Constructive criticism used correctly is completely fine, it's all in the delivery. But when someone pulls another down simply because they are fat, brown, bearded, have glasses, used a blurry image in a post, work as a garbage collector...That's not very productive and whilst it might make that person feel momentarily powerful or in control, in reality it will only serve to drag them deeper into the abyss of poor self esteem and hurt others in the process.

This is what they do in the military really well...In boot camp. They tear people apart, break them physically, emotionally and mentally then rebuild them as a military personnel. It's required to take the *civilian* out of them and instil in them the ability to take orders and carry them out, no matter what. The Navy SEALS do this well for instance. A quick YouTube will demonstrate it. The French Foreign Legion also do it well, Brotish Royal Marines...Most of the military arms have their ways...Including your I would imagine.

But other than that, nah, it's not acceptable. I don't care what people want to say to me...But have the balls to say it to my face, and accept the consequences...Not when hiding behind a computer. That's where the digital age sucks really...So many tough-guy keyboard warriors. 

I hope your'e well mate and will head over to the #weekend-engagement post this week...Haven't seen you there for a while.
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@mamalikh13 · (edited)
$0.17
Tell me about the typing tough guys man! I can definitely agree with you bro, they should consider telling them words in someone's face and see if they don't lose theirs. :D

Yeah man, I've been busy working at the construction site, and of course traveling. I know I've been slacking off lately! I'll try to catch up! :)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Who dat bitch?  I hate that nonsense
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@galenkp ·
Yep, kinda dumb when we're trying to make something of hive huh? Was some random idiot, to be honest I can't remember who because they are an *insignificant fuck.*
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@meesterboom ·
You got that right. Everywhere on the webs they crawl out. It's disappointing more than anything else
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@readmymind ·
I agree with what you say. In fact, thanks to people who make comments full of hatred and desire to bring others down disguised as "constructive criticism," I have become a little closed to the true intent of these comments when I genuinely receive them. Reading you, I remembered my mom telling me one of her favorite phrases "there is more to giving than receiving". I will start applying it more.
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@galenkp ·
Ah yes, that phrase of your mom's is similar to one I have which is *give without the expectation of receiving and one receives in kind every time.* Meaning that the *giving* is indeed the gift one receives back.

It's best to simply ignore people who chose to tear you down...It's hard enough to change ourselves, let alone trying to change others...Best just to stay in our own lane, run our own race and let the assholes fall away behind. (Sorry, I swear a bit.) Lol.
👍  
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@rollinshive ·
This is the part where we say some people are just fond of exibiting unnecessary attitudes towards their fellow. 

Sometimes, to be honest, it makes them feel better - even though the betterment is only a prank because they can never be better. I have been on the receiving end of such attacks myself and in most cases, I just behave myself and act cool while the other person do ths talking and lashing. However, to be honest, in some very scarce occasions, I lash out back, even heavier. 

This do happen if the person involved had done this for some countless number of days. But you are so dam right. Even at me returning the favor by lashing out completely, I never feel satisfied. It is either I have this feeling I haven't done enough damage yet or something. But keep it cool make me feel I was matured and that alone satisfies me.

To round it up, I think the hidden agenda towards all these is the fact the annoying folk is jealous of the other or having a feeling of mediocrity as compared to the other. 
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@galenkp ·
It's best to run our own race rather than trying to meddle in other people's affairs. Let's leave that for others and focus on living our best lives huh? 

Have a great weekend, and thanks for your comment.
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@rollinshive ·
Sure, everyone has their own account of life to fill. And time waits for no one. 
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@scubahead ·
I have little time for angry people online. I don't like to overuse the word but it can get very toxic. I've not encountered too much negativity on the Hive but from time to time on other platforms the outpouring of anger and misdirected hate is quite appalling and it basically stems from a feeling of safety from behind the keyboard. I feel in many ways you've led by example on this platform in that you don't hold back you state your case but you are fair and level about it. Mostly you're fun which is why we should be here. As people have said it is an uncensored platform which is great so when it comes  to those fueled by hate on here I doubt they'll get much traction. Attention is sometimes what they crave so best not to feed a hateful ego. 
I also agree with what you said about elevating ones own esteem by elevating anothers. Wise words indeed and this is the polar opposite of whats accomplished by these folks. It's interesting that as I read through the comments here there are a lot of familiar names. I am sure we are all quite different people but i think we gravitate towards others with a good vibe and positive outlooks on things. I don't think thats a coincidence.
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@galenkp ·
Again, you so eloquently put your case forward...I'd expect no less though...

A couple of things, yep *don't give the haters the attention the so desperately want*, they'll soon disappear and move onto more fertile ground. And, yes about the *familiar names*. I was only talking to my brother @tarazkp last night about just this exact thing...We gravitate together for very good reasons. 

Thanks for your kind words, I hope to be seen as a valuable (and fair) member on hive, not for the ego of it, but because that's what I strive to be.
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