A picture of two of me that I didn't know were being taken were shown to me recently and I was not happy with them.   Thankfully my friends are aware of the fact that I don't like my picture being online so they didn't post it, but they did show them to me in a private chat and I was like "damn.... I look terrible."   

I am ashamed to admit that I have lived rather irresponsibly for the past at least 2 years and put on some of that horrible weight in the gut and even my face that I am not happy about at all.   For the past couple of years I was out drinking beer and socializing more days than not - actually it was almost all of the days - and then after a certain amount of drinks I would pick up some take away food that was almost always the worst kind of food such as pizza and burgers.    Obviously, this has a negative impact on not just how I look but also my overall health.   

I was tired all the time... it didn't seem to matter how long I slept, it was probably that I just wasn't getting good sleep because of all the booze.   I was gaining weight because I was getting very little in the way of exercise and just putting mostly junk into my belly every day.   It shouldn't be a surprise that there was going to be a bad result at the end of this.

In the end I was glad that my friends shamed me by showing me these pictures privately and didn't put them in a public place like Facebook but the end result was the same.  I was ashamed at what I have become.

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This is not me, that guy is at least 2 of me put together.   We all have an idea of what we would like to look like and I was headed down a bad path that was only going to lead to health issues, feeling tired and bad all the time, and having my life revolve around only partying.... and here lies another problem... I wasn't even having fun at the partying moments it was just something that I had grown so accustomed to that I didn't really know what else to do.

So I have made a change that I only drink alcohol on our bowling Thursdays and if there are other special events such as a birthday, one of which is tonight.   Even then I am going to try to limit the amount that I drink because after 20 years or so of drinking mostly to excess, I feel as though I am incapable of having just a few beers with mates and then going home.   Like one of my good friends "Ozzy" says:  "One is too many and 20 isn't enough."   I guess that makes me a bit of an alcoholic but at least I am recognizing it and attempting to turn it around.

I am also eating more fruit and vegetables but also am not too focused on diet.   The way I look at it if I cut out the 8-12 beers a day I was previously having, that's around 1500 calories per day that I am no longer having and that is a massive cut for anyone.   Does the fruit and veg make me feel better?  Well, I don't know but I am just going to trust thousands of years of evidence and conclude that it does.   

The real problem I face because of all of this is that I don't really have anything to do on the days that I am not drinking.  I can't go to where my friends are because they are all drinking establishments and I know that I will end up drinking booze and one leads to another and another and another and another.   That's just the way that I am.

Another bad side is that it is very difficult for me to go to sleep.   Since I am so bored on the days that I don't go out - which is now most of them - I will end up in bad around 8pm just because my bed is far more comfortable than my sofa.   My evenings will consist of me taking Nadi for a walk and then getting back to my house and looking around and thinking "ok, now what?"    That "what" ends up being going to the bedroom to watch movies or series.   While some people might get tired from this it kind of has the opposite effect on me:  A good movie or TV show invigorates me and makes me more awake.    I don't know about you but I consider sitting in bed waiting for the release of slumber to be absolute torture.   Maybe I should start playing video games again, that could be a way to fill up some time.


To quote Flava-Flav "you built this maze you can't get through" and that is exactly what is going on for me.  I have spent the past 20 years or so having my social outings being almost exclusively alcohol related and now I'm afraid I don't know what else to do.   I suppose I could introduce more exercise into my life.   That makes people tired, right?   

The upside of these no drinking days is that I wake up at a normal time in the morning and don't feel nauseous and don't have a headache and honestly, that was such a regular part of my life over the past 2 decades that it actually feels a bit strange to not feel bad in the morning.   I'm starting to enjoy it honestly.

I'm at the point now where I am actually kind of afraid to go to a party, like the one that I am kind of obligated to attend tonight.   I may sneak some soda waters in there instead of drinking and maybe focus on playing pool instead of just focusing on the bottle of suds in front of me because for some reason, I always feel as though it is a race to see how quickly I can get through it.   

I'm going to do my best to keep going with this and maybe even go and buy a scale to see if it makes any difference.  I have no idea what I weigh but based on the pictures that were recently taken of me, it is likely a lot.