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For many years, I have counselled couples experiencing relationship difficulties and the over-riding factor is that they entered a relationship without rules.

It is easy to meet someone, fall in love and expect everything to run smoothly.  Unfortunately, this seldom happens in the long term unless each partner knows exactly what is expected of them. 

Think about where you work.  The company has rules that you must abide by to ensure that the business runs smoothly. The rules are there to protect the company and those people who are employed by the organisation.  Everyone knows exactly what their role is, what is expected of them and how they need to behave.

A marriage, civil partnership or relationship is very similar.  There are personality factors, economic factor and health and safety factors involved in maintaining a good relationship.  Without rules, there is a propensity for each of the people involved to do what they like and then wonder why their partner goes ballistic.

Of course, the problem is that most people don’t actually think about what they want out of a relationship but expect their partner to behave in a manner that pleases them.  Ask yourself this: Is your partner a mind reader?

Many of the women who come to me complain that their male partners are weak, dis-interested, not proactive enough etc.  However, through discussion and counselling, I find that it is the women themselves who have made their partners that way.
Feminism has taken away our acceptance of a slightly submissive woman.  In a study by Montreal University, seventy-two per cent of women reported that they wanted an Alpha Male.  A man who protects them, in proactive in the household and doesn’t take any of their crap!  Surprisingly, most women find this sexy in a man!  For the vast majority of women, hen pecked partner’s are not attractive. 

Since the 1980s, there has been a trend towards female rights. Now I whole heartedly agree with women have equal right.  In fact, I was a campaigner for women’s rights in the workplace.  However, in the 1990s, feminism took on a very ugly face and men began to be viewed as the enemy.  By the early part of the 21st century, political correctness had gone so mad that men were terrified of saying anything about women’s issues for fear of being called oppressive.  

Many men took that as their cue to become powerless and suppress their natural urges to lead, protect and make decisions. This made both men and women unhappy.

This book suggests a way that a balance can be brought back to your relationship to make both of you secure, happy and in a relationship that works for you.

My observations have come through many years of experience assisting couples to put a failing relationship back together again.  Although the title of the book refers to the alpha male, it is aimed at both men and women.

You may not agree with everything in this posts or future ones but it might make you think a little bit about how you could manage your relationship in the future.