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How Low is the Bar? by hanshotfirst

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television · @hanshotfirst ·
$52.29
How Low is the Bar?
Last week I wrote about how much I enjoy the [simple escape of Law and Order.  ](https://hive.blog/fun/@hanshotfirst/watching-my-stories)Although that still holds true, it is really testing my suspension of disbelief. And it is not just the fact that these detectives seem to have a non-stop revolving door of crazy cases or that Bobby Goren knows absolutely everything about absolutely everything (including every single language known to humans). Its the freaking defense attorneys! What school did these scarecrows graduate from? How easy is the Bar exam in their universe? Have they never seen a single crime show?

​

![](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/_t6QUeCEttlA/S7NEnR162vI/AAAAAAAADNA/UWJ4joJiEPQ/s1600/loyalty+pt+1+law+order+criminal+intent+vincent+d'onofrio.JPG)

_Goren's trying to figure out if the defense attorney is a statue or not._

Let's get this out of the way right now. I am not a lawyer, have never been a lawyer, and will never be a lawyer... but I have watched a lot of crime shows. So I think I'm as much of an expert as the writers on these shows.

It seems every other episode I find myself yelling, "What is the lawyer doing?!" It kind of messes with my enjoyment when I find myself rooting for some scumbag's lawyer to actually do something. It is like watching a sports team I hate get absolutely no calls in a game. I want to stomp around and gloat after LeBron loses, but if it is because the refs didn't do their job it just takes the fun out of it (The story, all names, characters and incidents portrayed in this hypothetical example about basketball are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred... because LeBron has gotten every call since he could walk.) 

I really snapped today. As always Goren and Eames got their guy. Goren starts to go to work on him with his amazing intelligence and psychological mind games. Sometimes he even gets physical like he did today. And you know what the defense attorney did... NOTHING! Goren grabbed the suspect's chair lifter it up and spun it around and then started screaming at the suspect. The lawyer sat their like an oil painting. Nothing. Not even "do you mind not doing that". He sat their eating popcorn and waiting for Goren to crack this scumbag. Oh wait. No. That was me. No. Wait. It was also the defense attorney! and that happens all the freaking time!

Another great one is when the suspect asks for an attorney and Goren and Eames will say something like "Are you sure? We just want to help you. Ummmm again I'm no lawyer but I'm pretty sure as soon as you say the word "attorney" or "lawyer" it is over. 

On the rare occasion they actually give the suspect a lawyer on the first request, it makes no difference. The lawyer, who apparently does not understand English, comes into the room and just lets their client spill their guts about whatever crime it is. They never say, "Hey let's talk alone first". Or "Stay silent!" Nope, they just sit let a spectator and let their client incriminate themselves. It is a miracle they don't get charged for loitering for standing around doing nothing. It's almost as if the writers of the show are paid by the word and the producers don't want to waste any money on defense attorney lines. 

​

![](https://cdn.fikklefame.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/CI-cadaver-interrogation.jpg)

_I think in this one, the defense attorney was actually just painted on the wall._

And it seems the writers have forgotten that a lawyer can do more than just sit there and say the occasional "Don't say anything" that their client promptly ignores. They can actually notice and object when an interrogator says something leading or inflammatory. They can say something when their client is coerced or threatened. They can... same something!

Although I can't lie. I'm not watching this show for it's realistic depiction of the system. It is not a documentary. And one of my favorite things about the show would be impossible if it were more realistic... it would take months to convict the perp. The show wouldn't be tied in a neat little bow after 42 minutes. And that is why I watch. But I'm still allowed to lose my shit, throw chairs, and rant. After all, it is not like a defense attorney is going to stop me.

Does this drive anyone else nuts or are you able to ignore it better than me?

​
πŸ‘  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 115 others
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vote details (179)
@bozz ·
$0.45
My wife is absolutely addicted to court TV. During the summer when she is off and I am still working since I am an "administrator", she usually picks a case to follow through the process.  It's crazy how much she has learned about the judicial system since she has started watching!
πŸ‘  ,
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@hanshotfirst ·
$0.03
So you mean those case don't wrap up in 42 minutes? ;)
πŸ‘  
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@bozz · 
Haha, not at all. πŸ˜ƒ
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@hjrrodriguez ·
$0.43
Of course, in these police series, the defense attorney plays his role in such a way that, as you say, he can fit into the 42 minutes that the program lasts. What we do agree on is that Bobby Goren is one of the favorite characters in all the Law & Order series.
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@hanshotfirst · 
He's awesome!
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@itsmejustine ·
$0.45
I like legal thrillers. I'm totally obsessed. It's not just the whodunit aspect, although I love trying to figure out the clues before the main character does – it's like a super intense game of Clue, but way more complicated. What really gets me is the characters. Seriously, the characters are total train wrecks.
πŸ‘  ,
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vote details (2)
@hanshotfirst · 
That's a great point. The suspects are always so over the top!
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@lareaiyela ·
$0.43
This had me laughing all the way through because it's so true The defense attorneys in Law and Order might as well be coat racks with law degrees It's wild how they just sit there like they’re auditioning to be furniture while Goren channels his inner Sherlock mixed with WWE energy Honestly the only realistic part is how fast they wrap everything up because we all know justice in the real world doesn’t come in 42-minute episodes Great rant and 100 percent relatable
πŸ‘  ,
πŸ‘Ž  
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vote details (3)
@hanshotfirst · 
I love the "coat rack" and "auditioning to be furniture". Had me laughing!
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@lareaiyela · 
Thank you
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@latinowinner · 
very good show
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@lee1938 · 
This is what is said in movies and on television: a country with good laws makes its people progress quickly
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@marilui91 · 
Excelente. Buena publicaciΓ³n.
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@midnightspen · 
Haha this was hilarious and so spot on! Those defense attorneys really do act like background props πŸ˜‚ Loved the energy of this rant!
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@sunlit7 · 
Ever see a public defender make it to the top of the ladder by busting the balls of cops.  That's the number one problem, and sometimes even when you pay an attorney, you might have as well made a donation to your favorite charity instead.  Now if your filthy rich, as most those shows depict of clients who are filthy rich, you'll get a better run for your money....or if you aren't filthy rich but just happen to have some goods on someone you can drop a dime on that the cops want way worse than they want you, the cops will be more willing to work a deal with your lawyer, otherwise a public defender stands no chance in hell of defeating the road blocks that the cops will put in their way, costing the public defenders office more than it's worth trying to defend them.  The only other scenario, from having watch a lot of these shows, that I can think of, would be a gung-ho attorney who comes out of nowhere after reading the headlines of the case, like a Gloria Allred type, who wants to bust ass over a agenda driven case.
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