My brain feels a bit foggy right now, and there are many strange thoughts going through it and weirdly enough, despite this great opening, this great need to share that I've learned since joining Steemit, I don't really want to. Most thoughts are either private or thoughts that I need to stay in my head, to drive me forward and I think it would be bad luck to share them with you, if that makes any sense. So, I won't.
Instead, I will share one thought that's running around in there. I've been in an Aerosmith kinda mood lately, it helps me write and it's music I really like and I thought I'd share with you this song that I've been listening to and it has an amazing lyrics that goes like this:
> Kiss your past... or kiss your ass goodbye
https://youtu.be/oRuvu5xeA8s
It's a very clever lyric, not to mention a bloody great tune. The choice seems obvious, and yet many people choose the latter. Many would rather lose themselves and remain somewhere stuck in the past and it takes a continuous effort to remind yourself not to do that. Because we all have a tendency of doing that, of letting the past affect us too much, of remaining stuck in something. Mud, mostly. Gum. Nasty shit you don't want on your shoe, usually.
And it's weird, 'cause I wonder which are harder to escape - the good memories or the bad. Because if there's something really good that's ended, then you don't really want to let go and you stay stuck, in your mind, and it's somewhat horrifying because you're not allowing yourself to enjoy other things, and so you're creating lots of bad memories. And then, there's bad memories, broken hearts, suffering. And those are hard to escape too. Because sometimes, you think back to something that happened and that really hurt you and you get hurt all over again.
> I don't think you need those memories hangin' round
So...what then?
You heal, eventually. You find there's a crust in the place where you used to have an open wound and that the bad doesn't affect you as much as it once did. Maybe it's the same with good memories as well, though I don't think. I don't know.
And once you find you're healing and that you're not hurt anymore, what do you do next? you're free to move on. But for how long? When will the next blow come and tear that wound open and how many times can you withstand an open wound before you capsize?
See, I think we all capsize in the end.
And that's where fighting comes into the picture. Because you can choose to give up now and wallow into something awful that happened or you can choose to build yourself together again. It might sound insensitive, but it's a choice. a difficult one, but a choice nevertheless. You can capsize here, or you can capsize later.
There's this really interesting bit of dialogue in 'La Casa de Papel' (if you haven't seen it, go watch it ASAP), where one of the characters tells a story about how her mother used to draw a door on the wall for her, when she was little and her mother would leave her alone in the house at night (to go to work) and she told the girl that if she gets really scared or lonely and can't take it anymore, she must open the door in her mind and her mum would be there. And the girl never opened it, because each night, she would tell herself tomorrow would be worst and she might need it more then.
See, I think it's a good philosophy for life. I think it's the only way you might reach land before you capsize. Just a little more. Just a little more.
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