Hi, guys!
Today I have two main tasks for the day: to work a little, get used to this feeling, and to train a little in the evening, also get used to this feeling. To start gradually restoring both aspects of my life. Of course, internally I want to do both things at once perfectly, but I understand that in this way I only immediately drive myself into a cage, so internally I, on the contrary, need to let go of this situation as much as possible and allow it to happen the way it wants to happen, so as not to strain myself and just let it happen. Don't forget to eat, treat what is happening as calmly as possible, don't worry or strain yourself, remember that I have the opportunity to stop everything at any moment.
I notice that as soon as I start thinking about how I need to put pressure on myself and force myself to do something, my psyche immediately begins to resist. That's why I need to make sure that everything happens easily, without pressure, so that I understand that I am in control and that if I feel uncomfortable, I can avoid this discomfort and return to a comfortable state. That I don't need to force myself, that everything is fine, that I can stop at any moment, that I don't need to endure it.
But I have been raping my body and my psyche for years, and now they are in fear, in constant fear that something will go wrong and they will be hurt again. I need to build new healthy relationships with them so that they feel comfortable with me again. I need to put a lot of effort into this work, probably as much as I put into ruining everything. It will be a long job, but if I don't do it, then I will definitely not be able to build a healthy relationship with my own body. And this is what I definitely need to do.
That's why now I am going to build a new relationship based on comfort. Let this be a new page in my life, let it take a lot of time, but I think I'm ready to be happy:)
Have a great day everyone!
hiveblocks