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# How to get rid of resentment
Resentment – only our unreasonable expectations to address someone. But this does not prevent it from being one of the most destructive feelings, which really does not bring any fruit and only incinerates inside. Most of all, she is when we understand that the abuser is on to something, by the way...But really we are children, to destroy yourself only because of the fact that someone did not do as we want?
# As it appears, and what is it anyway?
Before you get rid of anger and resentment, you need to understand what it is and where it comes from. Resentment is aggression that is directed both outward and inward. If something in the actions of the offender hooked strongly, this may mean that the offender is in some way right. So it's not we offend and are offended ourselves. Resentment depends only on, how we tend to to psychological injuries at all. Simply put, the more problems we have, the more likely it is to please the sick. Where does resentment come from?
- As already mentioned above, resentment may arise when our expectation of some person does not coincide with his behavior. We create all our predictions about a person based only on past experience: if it used to be so, then now it should be so, and it does not matter that the neighbor has reasons to do otherwise.
- We compare people with an ideal model. It imposed on us on TV, in magazines, movies, etc. And people are real different and the comparison with this ideal does not stand, because the actions of her husband or lover can be perceived as offensive.
- Resentment comes from selfishness. We always strive to get more pleasure and benefit from a person. Therefore, when the custom itself and is not received, formed a grudge. That is why so touchy children, which childishly selfish. The person who perceives themselves and others so they are, but believes that he should rely on themselves, offended less. Besides, we don't give someone the right to error and strongly condemn him for such, and from this also growing resentment and anger at people.
# Getting rid of stuff resentment
No functions, the offense is not responsible for and only takes a lot of space in our hearts and psyche. But you can fill this space and more intelligent emotions and feelings. So why start getting rid of resentment? Psychologists believe that before you get rid of resentment, it is necessary to "think". Not to think about it, but to think. It means to realize that you are not offended, and offended you and to take responsibility for that feeling.
# And then we move on to the steps of forgiveness.
Back to resentment and completely immersed in it. And it is better to combine and do our best to accurately relive what did your body feel, what was the behavior of what was thought and where I could feel resentment...And all this from a position of "I'm offended". It would be good to write it out or write an offended letter. It is not necessary to send.
Describe how in your opinion was supposed to act offended, that you are not hurt. And the particle "not" here should not be present. That is, not "the husband wasn't supposed to leave me in a difficult period", and "husband was with me to stay."
Answer the question, why in your opinion the offender should was to do precisely so.
Look for the reasons of such behavior of the offender. This should not be an excuse, but an explanation. Try to list the options.
# Think, whether all goes abuser exactly, or just you if he knew, what else did you expect?
Answer the question, is he able to meet your expectations at all?
Remember, what feelings, your resentment has accompanied: was the despair, the anger, the hate, the anger?
Forgive. Not justify. Namely, forgive. Let go, freeing the mind from resentment. Realize that you can't force the offender to lead the way you want. Create a symbol, an image of your forgiveness. It can be a tree, a road, a rainbow, light…
# Forgiveness has an algorithm.:
- Tell the abuser (mentally) that he is to blame for that...(tell what offended blame placed on full list); the Person may not be present and the conversation can happen in the imagination you have. Most often so and happens.
- Talk about how it would be the right thing to do (without the particle "not");
- We also tell him that you understand that he had reasons to do so. We list possible, in your opinion, reasons;
- Talking about his offense, that it is, despite the fact that there were reasons;
- We report on the decision to forgive him and let him go;
- We call the image of forgiveness and connect with it.
# Other way
# Meditation.
Light a candle, admire it for a few minutes, close your eyes and remember the person who offended you. If there are several of them, let them go through a series in front of you. All grievances need to be worked out separately. Talk to each of them, I forgive him, let go of grudges and wish him happiness.
You can open your eyes and admire the flames. May it cleanse you. Don't forget to thank the universe.
# Burning
All their grievances written on a piece of paper and just burn the candle. Just don't forget the tweezers. It is possible to come up with a spell and say it until the paper burns. Say about how, that burn all their grievances and claims to people, freeing place for happiness. Still it is possible to describe on paper all your emotions and feelings that caused this resentment, but I wanted to cry and feel sorry for myself, which is so unfair people did. Just pour the accumulated and multiplied during this time. Now you can burn with a quiet soul. Then immediately go back to their business, and try to realize that it has become easier shoulders, which had fallen such a burden, it became easier for the soul, where there is no ballast. Enjoy this state, because it is much easier for you, isn't it? Appreciate your offense again.
This technique is not really suitable, if the insult too strong. You may have to repeat it or contact a psychologist who will help to relieve this harmful load.
Just know that no offense live much easier.
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