**October 15, 2022**


Growing up in a large family inevitably leads to sibling rivalry, competition, and envy. Some are competing for our parents' attention, some are competing for the possessions they desire, some are envious of what others have, and some are simply relaxed and relying on our parents' pockets. While the other is forging a path that is positively different from what others have done. A better and more direct path.

A favorite child as my siblings called me, they envy me for getting things that they couldn't since I was young. Little did they know that those were just simply rewarded for being a good and responsible child. Among all children in our family, I am the most obedient, dependable, and responsible. My father allowed me to study in an expensive computer school in our city. As I graduated from school and immediately got a job, I became independent and learned to live on my own. 

They, on the other hand, became reliant on me, especially after my father retired. Meanwhile, my two older brothers have established their own families and cannot be relied upon. Burdens and responsibilities were placed on my shoulders as the third child and eldest daughter, and I became the breadwinner.

I'm a person who doesn't like depending on others, so at a young age, I became independent to get the life that I want. As I started to earn on my own, I was able to provide for my family's needs, pay the bills, and support the education of my siblings. 

Through my hard-earned money, I can buy what I want: clothes, shoes, gadgets, etc. And as I worked abroad, I was able to travel to different beautiful places. And that's what my siblings envy me. I can get anything if I want to. 

![20221015_135310_0000.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/jane1289/EqBcDkmWozB1HtQTbGFMTzb7Lt6fQrJpepxkUWgsqDsW4jqQxTiEgrsvgGho3tyGB3b.png)
*Created in [Canva](https://www.canva.com/join/prg-tjc-tvh)*

Little did they know that I envy them more. I envy them for not having burdens on their shoulders. I envy them for being happy-go-lucky as if there aren't problems in the world. I envy them for being able to do whatever they want: marry at a certain age, have a boyfriend/girlfriend, hang out with their friends whenever they want, and leave the house without their parent's permission. There were times that I wished I have that gut, to not care about anything around me, or just be irresponsible, but I couldn't. 

Among all my siblings, I envy my eldest brother and younger sister. My brother, at a certain age, did not hesitate to marry the woman he loved and start his own family. He was never afraid of being reprimanded by our strict father. He didn't care much about taking on some responsibilities that had been passed onto me. Meanwhile, I envy my younger sister for being outgoing, extroverted, and carefree, doing whatever makes her happy regardless of the consequences or even if our father is strict. A complete opposite of myself. I was always worried about making mistakes and disappointing my parents.

![Picsart_22-10-15_12-08-28-748.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/jane1289/AK57BQLCh6aNnDqAqLFTSjBHCH8jefwuPTUeLaWgR8brmW97qo8KkuNdDNhbkQq.jpg)

Those were things that I can hardly do when I was their age. My weekdays were spent at school, my weekends were spent taking care of them. I can barely go out with my friends. I always need to get my mother's permission just to do what I want. My young life was just a school-home routine. Less enjoyment, less freedom. While others are starting to create their own family, I, on the other hand, is not allowed to create my own, especially when my mother indirectly said, *"don't get married yet."* 

It's not that I aim for that; it's the freedom that I truly desire. A life that is free of responsibilities. A life that is free of burdens. I want a more free and enjoyable life at an age that has already crossed beyond the calendar.

---

Those things put me into where I am today. However, thinking about how far I've come, I realized that, my life is better than theirs so I should move on from the past, and I shouldn't envy them but rather be grateful for this life because I was able to travel far that I never thought I could.

When I started sharing my posts on my social media account a few years ago, I sensed enviousness from my younger siblings' comments on my posts. Something that I don't want them to feel. Until then, I deactivated my account and never posted any travel blog on my social media account. 

And as a responsible child that stands as the eldest among my siblings, I want them to think positively and focus more on their studies so that someday, they could attain the life they want. I don't want them to feel envious as it can be distractive. I rather want them to be inspired to do better. I don't like spoiling them, as I want them to learn to be independent at younger ages and work harder to get what they want, and not be too dependent upon anyone else. 

---

This is my response to @galenkp's questions for the current [Weekend Engagement Concept 123](https://ecency.com/hive-168869/@galenkp/week-123-weekend-engagement-concept).   

>*Who are you jealous of (if anyone). Why, and how do you feel this jealousy affects your life?*
>
>*Are you a person others can depend upon or are you dependent upon others. Explain your answer and how either affects your life.*




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![20220809_221527_0000.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/jane1289/23xLHV1q6epLnVDsySXvY3a9yPZxeCeHdRAd3dZQtxaEHrsVCNbmTHPbMSxANnizpjyij.png)