So I'm guessing that with a free-write you just start typing and then see where it goes.  That's how I take it so that's what I'll do.  I'll go back and add in some pictures at the end as I've been told pictures are important for a post.

![hamster-wheel-1014047__340.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmW3LbZD3RVY6zziZrqQwUWiLwR4kEcguZ3DvE8aQnEd8Z/hamster-wheel-1014047__340.jpg)
*source - [pixabay](https://pixabay.com/)*

The first thing that comes to mind is that I'm tired.  Not just tired from my consistent 5 hours a night sleep (I work from 2 pm to midnight) and then have to get up at 6.30 or so to watch the kids and do what I gotta do while the Wifey is at work during the day. Not just that everyday I need a couple more hours sleep kinda tired.  Tired of the whole rat race.

The hamster wheel is spinning, first world problems are keeping me so busy that the big picture seems a blur in the distance.  The more I try to focus in on where I wan't to be, the further away it seems.  What do I need to do to get out of this rat race? I have been searching for a different source of income, to speed my progress out of debt traps and week to week survival, but that progress is slow.

Lotto - is that the answer?  Probably not, never won anything decent, all it does is take money out of the daily needs for some illusory hope down the track of what life would be like if I won.  If my numbers came up - I'd pay off debts, buy my family a home of our own instead of spinning wheels to pay someone else's house off.  Then what? Quit work - depends on how big the win is.  Travel - yes I'd love to, all over the place.  Set the kids up so they don't have to join the rat race - It would be nice but then what sort of adult will they become if their life is handed to them too easily?

No, I don't think winning lotto is gonna fix things.  I need something else.  Trust in God?  My belief in religion faded long ago.  Too many questions without any logical answers - just trust and belief but no science and evidence.  Don't hate on me religious people, I do have spiritual beliefs in some kind of higher power, just organised religion is not for me.  

Crypto - here is the latest trend I have joined in on.  Will I be able to make enough money mining to at lest step back from my 50 hour weeks to have a better balance in life?  Not without having some decent money to invest to get that mining return.  Like anything else in life, you gotta have money to make money.  Blogging here on Steemit - Maybe, but it will take a long while to build up my account to be worth real money, and income from here is risky.  Will this platform still exist, is it sustainable?  Who knows, smarter people than me don't know.  Again, like most other things it comes down to belief.  

Is my analytical mind holding me back?  Do I just need to trust in something I don't understand fully to get off the hamster wheel?  No - I need to understand and I need to know it works.  But by the time I know it works and have proof, the big money will already be made and once again I'll be late to the party.  I came to crypto at the end of the big boom - luckily without any real money to invest so I didn't lose my shirt.  I have joined Steemit after the big bucks where made (it seems), so is this the answer??

![blockchain-3277336__340.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUujowjTikpkPR7ibi8DVCAunXCaD8AoQy6exAMTQ4Jbh/blockchain-3277336__340.png)
*source - [pixabay](https://pixabay.com/)*

What other options are there, who knows.  I am not good enough at my job to be promoted up the food chain to a position where the big pay increases would fix my finances.  But would I even want to be up the food chain?  The pressure and expectations are getting more and more unrealistic every day, and would I survive that without having a breakdown?  Probably not, I am not cut out for that sort of role. 

So for now all I can do is keep spinning those wheels.  Keep doing what I gotta do to get by, and try to look after the big picture.  Short term pain for long term gain right?  I bloody hope so.  I have taken many steps to make sure that the future is better than the present - but they are risky steps.  My super is invested in high risk, high growth companies.  Could be a great thing and mean that when I do jump off that wheel (in 18 years) the rest of my life is comfortable.  But even if that works, how are those 18 years until then going to be?

Need to stop focusing on this so much, just have to seize the moment and take a bit more pleasure in the little things.  The world can be beautiful, or terrible.  It just depends on your perspective.  It's time to see the roses in this world, and not notice the thorns.  The mainstream news is full of bad, negative stuff, so maybe its time to just stop watching it.  Focus on spending more time on enriching, positive messages instead.  Find inspiration in the little things and make more time to be a proper father to my kids, instead of just a caretaker till they are older.  

Speaking of the kids, they are squabbling and need my attention now, so I am going to wrap this rambling mess up and go.  Quick edit, chuck a couple of random pictures in because that's what I need to do, and come back in a few hours to see if anyone has actually read this.

Peace out.