<br><br><center>*In love we often doubt what we believe most.* 
― François de La Rochefoucauld</center>


<br><br><center>![532617.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPNuvF2xAaALrBcoiCgeDBDJsPvJoFVYK8AxRVkCVSDmC/532617.jpg)
Brynne</center>



<br><br> After Ally and I had Brynne she told me she wasn’t sure the baby was mine.

I was young and stupid and let her walk out the door—two months later she died in an auto accident and I became Brynne’s dad by default.

But I never did do a DNA check to find out if she were mine. Now, I'm too scared to know.

Marnie, my live-in girlfriend, is pushing me to find out and I'm thinking it might be time to define my role—to draw the lines and find out once and for all.



<br><br>It's late at night and I’m sitting alone on the patio, missing Brynne and aching for Marnie.

It seems the longer things go on undefined, the less I’m inclined to change the status quo.

My cell rings and I pick up, figuring it’s Marnie—but a strange voice is on the line.

“Mr. Wylie?”

“Yes.”

“I’m calling from the Acute Care Ward of UBC Hospital in Vancouver. Your daughter, Brynne, was injured in a six-car pile-up on the Sea to Sky Highway tonight.”

<br><br>For a moment, my breathing stops and my limbs go numb.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s suffered lower body injuries—she’s stabilized—would it be possible for you to fly out here?”

“I’ll be on the first plane.”

<br><br>I’m trembling when I hang up and have to wait to calm down before phoning Marnie.

Marnie and I are colleagues at the U of T teaching English Lit. We’re currently on summer vacation.

The phone rings several times before I hear her sleepy voice on the other end.

<br><br>“Sorry to wake you, Mar, but Brynne’s been in an auto accident in B.C. She’s at UBC Hospital in Vancouver and I’m taking the first flight I can get.”

“Is she okay?”

“She’s in stable condition—lower body injuries.”

“I’m so sorry, Matt—can I do anything?”

“You can pray—I’ll phone with an update when I know anything.”

“Okay, thanks—and Matt—take care.”

<br><br>She knows my morbid fear of flying. She probably guesses a greater fear drives out a lesser—and if that’s the case, she’s right.

Somehow I shut out everything and just try to focus on Brynne's need.

Everything's a blur and by the time I've deplaned and taken a cab to the hospital, I realize I'm trembling with fear.

I grab a coffee in the hospital coffee shop simply to try to buy some time to calm my nerves. The caffeine won't help but maybe pausing to gather my wits may keep me stable.

<br><br>Brynne is conscious, but in pain. “Hi Daddy.” She manages a brave smile.

“How are you doing?”

“Hanging in.”

“I’m here now—I’ll help you hold on.”

She smiles weakly. “I know you will, Daddy.”

<br><br>The nurse signals. I squeeze Brynne’s hand and kiss her forehead. She slips into a light sleep.

The Doctor is waiting for me outside.

“We’d like to do some tests, Mr. Wylie. Brynne needs a donor kidney.”

I nod.

<br><br>“Could you also do a DNA test too?” I ask.

He raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t you Brynne’s biological father?”

“I don’t know. Before her mother died, she told me she wasn’t sure if I was.”

<br><br>“You don’t have to be her father to be a donor – just compatible. For example, Brynne has blood type O—a recipient with blood type O can receive a kidney only from a donor with blood type O.”

“I don’t know my blood type.”

“That’s easy to find out and we’ll be looking at other factors as well—as for the paternity test, we’ll take some blood now and get you the results in a day or two.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

<br><br>On the way back to the hotel my head’s swimming.

Seeing Brynne hooked up to monitors in critical care, reminds me of Ally. She lay in a coma for six days before she died.

Back then I made a daily pilgrimage to the hospital, spending hours staring at numbers on monitors and trying to divine the calculus behind life support.

I never understood what the numbers meant until they dissolved into a flat line.

That, I could comprehend. That I couldn't ignore.

<br><br><center>© 2019, John J Geddes. All rights reserved</center>

<br><br><center>[Photo]( https://images.app.goo.gl/zMUtq15zcadLzc1u6  )</center>

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