<br><br><center>*Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
All which lead
To an overwhelming question ...
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.*
T.S.Eliot</center>
<br><br><center></center>
<br><br>Natalie Brinkman invited me to her block party and guilted me into saying yes, but something about the whole situation doesn’t feel right.
My wife, Mollie, has only been gone two years, and that may be why I’m hesitant—I mean, she’s gone, but her presence hasn’t yet passed away.
To add to my angst, there’s a subtle vibe I’m getting that’s sending warning signals, telling me I don’t need drama at this stage of my life.
<br><br>I’m tempted to drop the business right there and back off the whole relationship with Natalie except for one thing—the worried look on my sister’s face.
I want to placate her and assuage her worries about my being alone, so going to one garden party shouldn’t amount to much in the great scheme of things.
It’s a risk I might have to take to appease Elle and at the same time, try to get on with my life.
<br><br>Friday night and I’m walking my usual route, minus my pup, Em, wondering if I want to do this.
The stars are out and it’s a mellow night—the temperature is still in the sixties and a light breeze off the lake.
I can hear the party three blocks away—light island music and laughter.
<br><br>As I draw near, I see colored paper lanterns, smell barbecued ribs and hear Natalie’s distinctive laughter rising over the lilt of other voices.
A thin white cloud spreads high above the street like a translucent veil. It’s lovely night on an exotic isle where I have no right to be.
A hand grabs mine. “Ethan—I’m so glad you came.”
<br><br>I look into Natalie’s eyes, darker than I recall, but then again, it’s dusk and shadows are deepening into night.
“Of course I came—I said I would.”
She’s glittery and glossy and her hair has a silky sheen. She smells of suntan lotion and the beach—but it’s not yet June.
<br><br> “*Yellow Tail*—see I remembered,” she giggles, handing me a glass of wine.
We clink glasses and she leans into me, pressing close enough that I can feel her warmth and inhale the fragrance of her hair.
A soft reggae song comes on and she adroitly takes my glass, drops it on a tray and with a knowing smile pulls me toward the patio where several couples are dancing. We merge into the shadowy forms swaying like seaweed on an ocean floor.
<br><br>And so the night goes—the essence of her—a face with flowers pressing on.
We dance to wile a way the hours, while the virgin stars young and risen sleep—sleep the lust of windfall, sleep the endless passion of dreams.
Everything is blurred, subdued and obscured—the night candle-lit and flowing with wine.
<br><br>Natalie floats, glides, navigating through tangled knots of strangers, guiding me out to dark peripheries where we can dance alone.
I feel lost in an archipelago of dark murmuring islands.
It’s a magical night and by midnight the crowd has thinned out—most couples breaking off and meandering down the road in search of home. Finally, only Natalie and I are left.
<br><br>A chill breeze has come up and Natalie shivers and snuggles close into me. “Do you want to come in?” she whispers conspiratorially, and we both knew what that means.
“I’d like to, but can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” she sighs.
I want her, but everything inside screams No, and for once I listen to my soul.
<br><br>It’s a long walk back home beneath thinly veiled stars and fragrant flotillas from the breeze freighting scents.
When I get in, Em leaps off the couch and is all over me. I slump to the floor and let him lick my face and then go to the bathroom and wash away the slobber and my tears.
It’s easier that way—I’m a mess, but it’s all because of Em. That’s the lie I tell myself.
<br><br><center>© 2020, John J Geddes. All rights reserved</center>
<br><br><center>[ Photo]( https://www.wallpaperbetter.com/en/hd-wallpaper-nivjm ) </center>
<br><br>
hiveblocks