<br><br><center> *Joy is gone and sadness back, sadness that feels deserved,
the price of some not-quite-forgotten betrayal.
― Stephen King*
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*Gallery Grill - Hart House*</center>
<br><br>This stalker business is really frustrating me. It's one thing to be harassed virtually via texting but quite another to have your personal space invaded. Virtual threats aren't as intimidating as an intruder entering your house...
And yes, I do feel violated.
It seems cliched to say but my house is a refuge, a safe place where I retreat from the fray and have an expectation of privacy... and to be honest, a sense of intimacy.
In that regard, I think it significant my dreams of Jana always end up in my bedroom and maybe that's an ironic commentary on my history.
It's what's brought me to this impasse where I stare into the abyss of my failures in past relationships and know it's darkly ironic there are so many missteps that one doesn't stand out from the rest as meriting remedy.
I think it's safe to say I've pissed off a lot of women and probably deserve everything that's coming to me.
<br><br>Anyway, how could I prevent what's coming to me? I have some defence against home invaders but no power over whoever intrudes into my dream state.
It's when I'm asleep I'm actually the most vulnerable.
I have the best of intentions but end up in dreams that turn into nightmares—or are gently seductive and approach me softly as lovers leaving regret in their wake.
It all results in guilt—which I suppose accounts for the power of Jana over me.
I think the best approach is to try to keep her at arms length or at least reduce the time I spend with her.
<br><br> I'm musing on these things, sitting in the Gallery Grill again at Hart House, defying my stalker by following my usual routines regardless of the consequences. I'm not going to put bed room slippers on my fears.
But my best laid plans and resolutions are upended yet again.
"Hey, Prof."
I look up to see Jana standing before me carrying a tray.
<br><br>"You told me if I had any concerns to come to you. I've been giving a lot of thought to who the stalker might be and I came up with some leads."
My hearts sinks. I was hoping to at least have a day without seeing her, but no such luck.
"Oh, sure―sit down and tell me what's on your mind."
She's back to wearing the de rigueur student outfit consisting of jeans and sweater. She looks even more beautiful in them than the mini skirt and tight sweater―not that I noticed...much.
<br><br> "I should warn you, Prof, what I'm about to tell you is embarrassing, but I hope it helps identify your stalker."
I smile to encourage her. "I feel embarrassed myself heaving to deal with this, but I appreciate your confiding in me."
"It has to do with Bart from your morning lecture."
I'm taken aback. "You think Bart is my stalker?"
"No," she says quickly, " I just mean I thought it odd the way he was conspiring with his friends as if they were all in on the joke. It may be nothing, but it piqued my curiosity."
<br><br>I hadn't told her exactly what the stalker said about her trying to tease me with her sexy outfit and I was mentally debating whether or not to disclose it.
I figure it best to work around the edges of Bart's behaviour without telling her directly what the stalker alleged about her.
I play coy. "Bart strikes me as the type of guy who likes to horse around especially with other males―you know, trying to act macho."
She rolls her eyes. "Exactly. That's why I was wondering if this wasn't some prank of his to entertain his friends."
"I think Bart and the boys were simply reacting to the way you were dressed. They apparently thought you looked sexy."
<br><br>She stops and stares at me for a moment. "I didn't think I was dressed inappropriately. Did you?"
*Damn! I don't like where this is going.*
I deflect. "No, I didn't think what you were wearing was inappropriate."
"But did you think it was sexy?"
I take a deep breath. "I don't think it would be appropriate for me to comment on that, Jana. But I do think Bart and his friends might have been sexist in their behaviour toward you."
"Then, you do think it *was* sexy," she pouts. "I had a check about wearing that outfit. I told Janice Turner, Bart's girlfriend, I didn't feel comfortable wearing it."
<br><br>Her remark stops me dead in my tracks. "Are you saying Bart's girlfriend put you up to wearing the outfit?"
"Yes, in a way. I was showing her some old photos from when I was modelling―she saw the outfit and asked me if I still wore it. I told her I didn't but she said she might like to buy it, and asked if I could wear it to class next day, so I did."
"So, you were basically modelling it for Janice in hopes she'd buy it and take it off your hands?"
"Precisely. But she said she didn't like the colours when she saw them, so it was a waste of time and money. I lost one of my photos from that fashion shoot. I was going to submit it to a magazine in hopes of them doing a fashion spread featuring me."
<br><br>It all made sense. The pieces fell into place. Now I knew how Jana's photo ended up on my side table in my den, but I wasn't about to tell her that.
"Look, Jana, you did the right thing in reporting your suspicions to me. I'll be discreet and run them by the investigators but they may contact you if they need further details or clarification."
She nodded solemnly. "I don't like being a snitch or narcing on my peers―even someone as disgusting as Bart―but if he is doing this as some kind of prank he needs to be stopped immediately."
I stood up. "Thanks for the tip, Jana. And be careful―we don't know if it's a harmless prank or something more serious."
<br><br>On the way back to my office though, I went over what Jana said. On the surface, it appeared to be a damning indictment of Bart, but one detail troubled me. The stalking began before I decided to return to the College.
Bart couldn't have written those previous texts.
I'd just have to report what she told me to Sarah and let her and Ross evaluate the evidence. That matter was far above my pay grade.
<br><br>And since I'm considering things beyond me―Jana is far out of my league and it vexes me. I probably deliberately withheld what the stalker said about her being a tease simply because it bruised my ego. Maybe I couldn't face the truth she wasn't really attracted to me.
Male vanity―it runs deep in some of us.
Yeah...it's sad. A wiser man than me once said, *the heart is forever making the head its fool.*
Don't I know it.
<br><br> <center>To be continued…</center>
<br><center>© 2021, John J Geddes. All rights reserved</center>
<br><center>[Photo](https://images.app.goo.gl/Fr2n2ZPCa3xg2Ei39)</center>
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