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<p>Why did the Hawaiian Hipster burn to death? He walked on lava before it was cool.
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<p><b>Did you hear that Alexander Graham Bell got fired from the theatre? He was always phoning it in.
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<p>When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
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<p><b>Me: You want to watch a horror movie for Halloween? Dog: Sure, put it on Me: *turns on Dyson vacuum infomercial*
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<p>I didn't think my hangover was that bad, until I spent 10 minutes trying to log into my nephew's Etch-a-sketch.
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