The black fog returns 🌫🌫🏴 Feeling empty. 😢😥 by karenb54

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life · @karenb54 · Apr 14 '21

$34.26

The black fog returns 🌫🌫🏴 Feeling empty. 😢😥

Its been a low day for me, woke up feeling very low. I think its all due ti my back hurting and waiting for the results from the MRI scan I had on Saturday morning. Having to live with pain normally is hard enough but now having added pain its making living so much harder. Its been 5 months since I fell down my stairs, the pain hasn't changed. I am concerned about what the results might show. The Doctor will phone me with the results within 7-10 days, 4 days gone 6 more to wait. Hopefully they phone sooner.

<center>![just the way i am.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/karenb54/23vshsx9b3URZNSvaut5j8UtW4PR5DKAGCYnkR7juoEv5G1wUAMc8BmykttPfnNoYEhde.jpg)</center>

I will either get 2 results, They find something and can fix it or they can't then I am having to live with this pain forever this isn't going to help my Mental Health. I am dreading thinking that I may have to have surgery, every time I have surgery something goes wrong..*Mrs Negativity has raised her ugly head.* Being in pain 24/7 is such hard work and draining, I don't think I have the energy to have to put up with more pain.

I have spent most of the day lying in bed as lying flat is more comfortable plus with not moving so much I don't get to hear the popping and cracking. Looks like I will be spending more time lying in bed but that means being by myself more. And again that doesn't help my Mental Health.

I am having more thinking time with being less mobile, I thought things were bad before the accident, I couldn't do much then, I do a lot less, evening putting clothes in to the washing machine hurts, standing making my hubby his morning porridge nearly has me in tears. I could use some some good luck at the moment, good news just something to give me a little hope.

I was hoping to get my garden ready for Summer 2021 but the pain won't let me, standing for a couple of minutes is enough to make me cry. I am going to have to wait until the weekend when hubby can come out and give me a hand. The gardening was something for me, my getaway from real life. I don't want to have to rely on anyone, I was proud of what I was doing, I loved seeing my garden all lit up with beautiful flowers. My flowers cheered me up.

<center>![Best Sunflower 2020.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/karenb54/23zS5hDsNeWPtkMVjEyzjXESHW1hd9BorhwmJxDgQf8fYTRc4cVTHod6nZnAtf5RUE4Z2.jpg)</center>

Once the black fog starts to envelope me all I can think about are the negatives in my life,not that I have many positives. Not being able to do things pulls me down deeper into a dark hole, I lose myself. I do find writing/typing how I feel then reading it back makes it more real, makes me see me better. I sometimes wish I could lock myself away from everything and everyone but then I am alone with the pain. Feels like I can't win. Hubby has noticed the change in me so I know he is watching me,

Thankfully I do have support around me, my hubby is very understanding, he knows what I like this, my girls understand, they know me and what happened to me. They always have eyes on me. I don't want to be like this I hate how It makes me feel, I hate cutting myself off from my family, its the only way I know how to cope. I am going to bed, hopefully tomorrow the fog as cleared.

<center>![hiveblogshare 4.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/karenb54/IiVfWAM9-hive-blog-share204.jpg)</center>

<center>https://images.hive.blog/0x0/https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/zord189/a87NvmRY-karenb54.gif</center>

👍 steempty, life-timer, foxon, hive.curation, spt-skillup, blewitt, ctime, runicar, gniksivart, reddust, ocupation, arcange, daveks, tattoodjay, brofi, eliel, steem.services, curx, mindtrap, amico, codingdefined, freddio, smartvote, denissemata, pardeepkumar, intacto, alphacore, botante, animal-shelter, laruche, sidwrites, whd, anacristinasilva, angelusnoctum, ajaycapital, enjoyinglife, emjoe, crokkon, twoitguys, sacrosanct, ebargains, frankk, fengchao, ajks, road2horizon, xves, felt.buzz, ordinaryamerican, tinyvoter, optimizer, raphaelle, walterjay, girolamomarotta, bergelmirsenpai, infinite-love, sustainablelivin, hive-143869, occhiblu, rakkasan84, supreme-verdict, teamashen, estream.studios, improv, barvon, and 16 others

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@denissemata · Apr 14 '21

They haven't been easy days for you. And it might not help much, but when you need to talk, here I am. I wish I could do something to take some of your pain away

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@karenb54 · Apr 14 '21

Thank you hunny, you do enough with your lovely messages ♥️

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@denissemata · Apr 14 '21

Some flowers for You My dear❤️


![IMG-20210412-WA0069.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmWx4QmEqHE3VjegD4Q9ZKBkomSdZhznBhrpmjbmGykHzb/IMG-20210412-WA0069.jpg)

![IMG-20210412-WA0070.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmW7EiTTKxhHC58nfJCTV7vKWoVheRQfCTamMXUCGAQtVf/IMG-20210412-WA0070.jpg)

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5 replies

@reddust · Apr 15 '21

Saying prayers and sending you hugs 🤗

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@karenb54 · Apr 15 '21

Thank you 😊

properties (22)