![_20170603_181320.JPG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXnLrymtUBSvZGcc6KD9zqdyaGWHX34zMPrZgoiUpybEi/_20170603_181320.JPG)

That night none of us slept. Mum and Dad in total shock, they still couldn't believe it. Dad was Mum's whole life, it was inconceivable that she would soon lose him. They just held each other and cried. 

I was at home with my family, but they were all too young to understand. I cried silent tears into my pillow. I needed to be strong for all of us. 

Dad has always been very organised and practical. He decided that they would sort out all the personal and legal matters first. They went to the bank and changed everything over into Mum's name. They even bought a plot for two in a local cemetery (that must have been so difficult). The rest of the time was spent phoning friends and relatives. 

Mum developed a very positive attitude towards the whole thing - too positive, but I guess that was just her way of coping. She was still teaching at the time, and so decided that this was the time to retire. She would finish after Dad had his operation. There was a music festival that she had organised for the children and she couldn't let them down. 

Dad went to hospital and the operation went well. The polyps were removed along with a section of colon. At first the nurse emptied the colostomy (stoma) bag. 

I must explain here the nature of the surgery. A loop of bowel is pulled out of an opening made in the abdomen and the bowel sutured to the abdomen  (in my Dad's case on the lower left side). It's held in place with an external device onto which the stoma bag is attached. The other part of his colon was sewn shut. 

 
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colostomy

After a day, the nurse showed Dad how to empty the bag for himself. She also suggested that perhaps Mum could also learn. Well, that did not go down well. Dad refused point blank to let Mum see the bag. He became very depressed. Whenever Mum visited, he told her to go home - he didn't want to talk. He told her to forget him. 

This was heartbreaking for Mum. She and Dad were very close as a couple. In fact I have only ever seen that closeness in two Hungarian friends of theirs. 

They had been married for 43 years, and in all that time remained totally devoted and so romantic. Dad would come home from work with a bunch of flowers, or perfume on random occasions. Sometimes he just brought her a flower from the garden when he was mowing the lawn. When Dad left for work in the morning, they would always kiss at the door - and when he returned, the same. If they passed each other in the hallway, or on the stairs, their fingers would touch, just a light brush, but that small gesture radiated so much more. 

I won't pretend that they never had a cross word - of course they did, but anger was banished at the end of the day. My Grandmother had a saying that we all live by... "never let the sun set on anger. Make up because things can change so quickly." 

And so Dad was discharged from hospital. He became somewhat withdrawn. I don't know if it was a Hungarian thing, but he felt that if he couldn't satisfy his wife in every way, then he was useless as a husband. And since he wasn't letting Mum near him, how could he expect an erection? Now that was a man-thing...no erection, end of the world! 

One day, after he took to bed for a siesta, Mum went upstairs and asked to see the bag and why he was being so strange after all, she has seen him for years. He relented, and she just said "well that doesn't put me off....you're still the handsome love of my life".
 I guess one thing led to another. 

The next morning, when the nurse visited, he was all excited. 
" Guess what! I can still make love! It all works perfectly! "
Mum was embarrassed, but they all had such a laugh. That had made all the difference. Dad threw himself back into making every moment count. 

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Losing Dad... Introduction : 


https://steemit.com/story/@katdvine/losing-dad-part-i

Losing Dad...... Part I:

https://steemit.com/story/@katdvine/2nttq1-losing-dad-part-i