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The Most Devastating Day of My Life by knowledge-trust

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life · @knowledge-trust ·
$3.47
The Most Devastating Day of My Life
<html>
<p>https://s26.postimg.org/j2d0rql3t/Broken_Heart_2.jpg</p>
<p>Courtesy Google Images</p>
<p>I am moved to write this because, although I lost someone it was not to disease but to what I found out was a disorder I never knew she had. Even though I SHOULD have. The signs were all there. We were together 30 years. We have two sons that are grown men now.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Although there is no comparison for the loss of a mother, as in Winston Wolfe's case seen here. (Please Read his post.) https://steemit.com/life/@winstonwolfe/having-a-hard-time-got-some-very-heavy-news-this-week Being here on Steemit and witnessing the caring and the feelings regarding a loss gives me the confidence to reveal a great pain in my heart for someone I loved unconditionally.</p>
<p>https://s26.postimg.org/gmb7dw315/Broken_Heart_8.jpg</p>
<p>Courtesy Google Images</p>
<p>She was my wife. When I first met her, I thought she was strange, iconic and intriguing and all through our marriage I did everything I could to accommodate her. She was the most beautiful woman to me and I never tired of being with her but I did challenge her on many levels regarding her behavior. And I LOVED her.</p>
<p>We probably shouldn't have married but she didn't have any health insurance so we added her to mine. She appeared to be eccentric and quirky, but very capable and a natural artist; almost like a "gifted" person. We were a "match" between the sheets and both very satisfied. We often made comparisons as to what it would be like to be with someone else but we just couldn't figure out who would replace either one of us.</p>
<p>https://s26.postimg.org/h0cjdhn4p/Broken_Heart_5.jpg</p>
<p>Courtesy Google Images</p>
<p>After complete health check-ups including a 3 day stint &nbsp;at UCLA medical center and two independent doctors clean bill of health diagnosis, it appeared that she had no reason to fear she was being affected by any anomaly. So what was causing her "issues"? Here is a list of her issues:&nbsp;</p>
<p>1. Narcolepsy: She could not stay awake through a conversation unless she was moving or eating or interested in something animated.</p>
<p>2. Catalepsy: If she laughed or cried she would become weak to the point of fainting.</p>
<p>3. She never blinked. her eyes were very big and pretty anyway and it appeared that she never blinked. but she did.&nbsp;</p>
<p>4. When she slept her eyes were still partially open.</p>
<p>5. Everything and anything stressed her out and she had extreme reactions to the smallest events.</p>
<p>6. She could never make a decision and she never would arrive &nbsp;on time, anywhere.</p>
<p>7. She and her sister both suffer with separation anxiety regarding their Mom and Dad and even at the age of 40 ish, they still competed for their parents attention.&nbsp;</p>
<p>8. She would place herself in harms way, i.e. go for walks and stay gone for hours at &nbsp;night oblivious to the time and causing us to search for her, go into the woods alone and come back after nightfall with stories of flagging down someone to jump her vehicle, etc.&nbsp;</p>
<p>9. She parentifies our sons by asking them their opinions regarding her sexuality and doesn't see any inappropriateness in doing so.</p>
<p>https://s26.postimg.org/cv685beqh/Broken_Heart_3.jpg</p>
<p>Courtesy Google Images</p>
<p>Because of these things, and because she believed they were caused by a brain imbalance, our sons and I put up with a lot, literally as "care-takers" protecting her from harm. But we thought she was normal; just a little eccentric. She was a great cook, a great companion to have fun with, we laughed all the time. I loved her so much.&nbsp;</p>
<p>On the other hand, over the years, she has done many many selfish things to each of us that have "hurt" us, our psyche our feelings etc. but she always had her excuses and we were not to cause her stress because her heart and her brain couldn't take it. &nbsp;</p>
<p>And then, right when she and I were about to live our lives to the fullest, right on the day when our ship came in, she announced to our middle son that she found someone else and to please don't mention it to his Father. She imparted intimate details of her relationship to our son and he now refuses to speak with her. &nbsp;I was devastated and I havn't recovered since. I have been trying and it gets easier, but I was blind-sided and it hit me like a death. Even more so than when my own Father passed away.&nbsp;</p>
<p>https://s26.postimg.org/pp49yns61/Broken_Heart_1.jpg</p>
<p>Courtesy Google Images</p>
<p>She told me and the boys that she wouldn't be communicating with us anymore because she has a new family! I WAS DEVASTATED. 30 years and I never saw it coming, never heard a single complaint. And I don't know how to resolve it without moving on and never allowing her back in my life. I really, really really hate that that's the way it will have to be. I loved and love this woman and I don't know what I am going to do without her. I miss her and it hurts like nothing I've ever felt.</p>
<p>https://s26.postimg.org/c9h997jo9/Broken_Heart_4.jpg</p>
<p>Courtesy Google Images</p>
<p>Anyway, thanks for reading.</p>
<p><br></p>
<p><br></p>
<p><br></p>
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@asif4745 · 
Sexy  photo
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@knowledge-trust · 
That's her look. Even 30 years later. Now she is giving her beauty to another man she said is "just like you"?
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@kayleigh-alesta · 
:( :(
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@nomadinsoco ·
$1.53
thanks for sharing
👍  ,
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@binkley · 
<p>Your post is fantastic. You are a Master Steemian! More People Should Follow You And Upvote Your post which has received a 48.54 % upvote from @binkley
thanks to: @kayleigh-alesta for verifying this quality post.
<a href="https://steemit.com/@binkley"><img src="https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmdbn3iw7weHKAu7WAhUmLcGbekRaBPLFmuFXBSd2PwHrs/smileybionicbinkley.png" alt="binkleybot.png" /></a>
Please Upvote This Comment To Help Me Grow. When I Grow You Grow Too And I Can Verify More Posts.</p>
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@kayleigh-alesta · 
Thank You @binkley :)
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@binkley · 
You are an excellent Steemian too @kayleigh-alesta. That is why you made the list. Thank you for making Steemit a better place. https://steemthat.com/the-top-9-steem-it-people-you-should-follow-now/
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@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you @binkley! I am honored!
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@five34a4b ·
the-most-devastating-day-of-my-life-comment
great content! and thanks again for following!
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@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you @five34a4b . I am not used to posting how I really feel so this takes some getting used to.
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@jeaniepearl · 
This is really touching
You will get out of it
👍  
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@knowledge-trust · 
I know I will in my logical brain, but my heart is hurting. It's an emptiness that's hard to describe. I'm feeling it right now.
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@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you @jeaniepearl you are up-voted and followed
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@karencarrens · 
@knowledge-trust, my heart is broken for you. You sound like you're holding it together for your sons. I'm glad you could share.
👍  
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vote details (1)
@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you @karencarrens. I am holding it together for the boys. They are appalled at her behavior and encouraging me to move on. But it is her DISORDER that causes this. It's one of the symptoms of  Dependent Personality Disorder. And THAT makes me want to wait her out and have patience. The problem is, she has had about 20 dramatic episodes over the 30 years we were together but nothing even approaching this extreme. She did injure the boys and they can't find it in their heart to forgive her. I believe her behavior is driven by her condition and the boys say it's her personality. Wow. What do I do about this??!!
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@karencarrens ·
$0.36
Oh @knowledge-trust, I can only tell you that I do not believe people are their behaviors. 

I believe everyone is created like a brilliant perfect diamond. And when someone doesn't shine, it's because life has piled a bunch of crud on top. In other words, I believe it comes down to image. Does she believe what she sees... broken? Or does she believe what she is...perfectly made? 

Many believe people are broken and the goal is to get better. Others believe people are perfect and just need to be reminded that they are perfectly made. I agree with the latter and believe we live up to who we think we are. Again it comes down to image. I hope that helps. It makes it easier to love or have compassion with others regardless of behavior.

What you do with this? I can't imagine answering that for you. It is my hope that you can find peace and joy for yourself regardless of what someone else decides to do. You deserve happiness.
👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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vote details (14)
@knowledge-trust · 
And you are followed and much respected.
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@karencarrens · 
Appreciate you too!
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@kayleigh-alesta ·
$0.11
Ohhhhh...how brave you are to have shared such a painful personal story with such emotion with us...I mean I knew ...but to  open up your heart to your fellow steemians...I'm proud of you ...I hope you get some positive feedback :) (((( hugs))))
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you. This was hard for me to do.
👍  ,
properties (23)
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vote details (2)
@kayleigh-alesta · 
I know it was...that's why I'm so proud of you :) :)
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@lizelle · 
Totally devastating to lose someone like this, no words can comfort! But you have to get on with the job of living. For your own and your children's sake, one day at a time.
👍  ,
properties (23)
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vote details (2)
@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you @lizelle for your words of encouragement. I miss her every day. I uess she doesn't miss me. I wish I knew what I did to deserve this treatment by someone who I believed felt different than she obviously does. I'd like to think I'm getting stronger but I still get teary every day. Up-Voted and Followed.
👍  
properties (23)
authorknowledge-trust
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vote details (1)
@marzukie · 
Fantastis your post...
properties (22)
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@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you @marzukie. Doesn't feel so fantastic. This really hurts. Every day!
properties (22)
authorknowledge-trust
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@minnowhelper · 
<p>This post has received a 4.44 % upvote from https://steemitimages.com/DQmcZYv2276nr6zEDDTZY1iLcgaBiNqumAnYtmvxNtr5zrW/minnow_klein.png thanks to: @binkley. <br>For more information, <a href="https://steemit.com/minnowhelper/@minnowhelper/how-minnowhelper-works">click here</a>!<br></p>
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@mitneb · 
@knowledge-trust, thanks for sharing such an honest but painful experience. You must be true to your heart, and if that means remaining steadfast and faithful even if it is not returned then that is what you should do. Don't let others tell you how you should be feeling, or when you should be finished mourning your loss. It is your journey, and only you will know what is best for you. Take life one day at a time, and don't try to make sense out of things that are senseless. You cannot force yourself out of grief. Grieve for your loss, and be okay with it taking a long time. And it is okay to feel angry, too. My prayers are with you and your sons.
👍  ,
properties (23)
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vote details (2)
@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment @mitneb. Up-voted and followed
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@nomad17 ·
$0.03
This is very sad indeed. I am sorry that you have gone through this. You mentioned the signs that were there from the beginning, but you didn't mention if they were as a result of a condition or disorder.
👍  , ,
properties (23)
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vote details (3)
@knowledge-trust · 
@nomad17 Yes all of the signs fit her disorder. She told me she had been molested but I didn't know to what extent. As I'm typing this I have already showcased her disorder in a separate post, even though I don't mention her.
👍  
properties (23)
authorknowledge-trust
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vote details (1)
@nomad17 · 
Ah I see. That's terrible.
properties (22)
authornomad17
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@steemthat · 
<p>You Are An Excellent Steemian. This post has received a 6.25 % upvote from @steemthat Return the favor and SteemThat Person Back: @binkley.
<a href="https://steemit.com/@steemthat"><img src="https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmf5gSutPWZRMmnfjV1LVPCrX8ddPhbSHbp1JaQr8yucxh/Steemthatpower.png" alt="SteemThatBotMoreIGrow" /></a> .</p>

<hr />

<p>Please Upvote This Comment To Help Me Grow!</p>
👍  
properties (23)
authorsteemthat
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vote details (1)
@treeplanter ·
Tree planter comment
```
                    Congratulations!
               You just planted 0.82 tree(s)
              and this post is voted at 57.67%
                to a value of 0.75 SBD
             Thanks @kayleigh-alesta for your donation.
         Donate the tree to someone - free upvote.
           Let's save Abongphen Highland Forest
             in Cameroon together on Steemit!
                    Help me to spread
                     the blockchain
                         world.
                          I am
                          able
                           to
                          plant
                          31
                          trees
                          daily
                          with
                           my
                         current
                     STEEM POWER (9554)
    The more power I have the more trees I could plant.
       Visit the account of my mother Kedjom-Keku
    to see more what our Forest Friendly Family does.
```
👍  
properties (23)
authortreeplanter
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vote details (1)
@knowledge-trust · 
Thank you!!!
properties (22)
authorknowledge-trust
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