### *A dispute at the workplace, an argument with your beloved ones, a frustrating conversation with the depressed taxi driver... we all get into conflict situations every day. It can be annoying, upsetting or even frightening sometimes, but what if I told you that there is a way to look at these situations from a different angle?*
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<sup>[Source of the C00 free image](https://unsplash.com/photos/qlaot0VrqTM)</sup>
Let's continue our journey from where we have stopped in the [last post](https://whaleshares.io/thebeast/@ksolymosi/can-you-look-at-your-conflicts-in-a-different-way-part-2), where we have mentioned that there are five basic conflict management strategies:
* I can choose to avoid the situation, which means that I postpone reacting to it,
* compete (be dominant),
* adapt (be submissive),
* try to make a compromize or
* solve the problem (go for a win-win situation).
<div class="pull-left"><img src="https://whaleshares.io/imageupload_data/aee36a7dc0222935a37367c96b675d06746f6317"><sup>My illustration</sup></div>
If we approach this from an action-centered viewpoint, there are three options to choose from (I could also say that these are the three directions I could start from the centerpoint): be submissive (adapt), be dominant (compete) or be cooperative (make a compromize or solve the problem).
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Let's look at the first one in a little more detail... 😊
# Conflict resolution by adaptation
Adaptation means that **I put aside whatever I want (my requests, preferences, interests, solutions and/or goals - MY WAY) in a situation and undertake doing thigs YOUR WAY**. I may choose this, because
* I want to strengthen our relationship, I would like to "invest" in gaining your trust, attention or love;
* I would like to feel more secure (eg. avoid having to make a decision) or
* I believe in you and in your expertise, I feel that I know less in the given subject than you, so I trust your judgement.
*How* will I do it?
* I will listen to the other one and support him/her in whatever he/she needs,
* I will admit my mistakes and try to avoid any confrontation and
* I will ask for and accept help, guidance and support from the other.
This works perfectly UNTIL I do not feel bad about it. As soon as I start to have bad feelings because always being second or because of letting so many things go and not having a word in my own life, this strategy is not beneficial anymore. In the long run, I can become dependent, weak, insecure and powerless if I use solely this strategy.
<sup>My illustration</sup>
# The bad way of adaptation
Just imagine the following situation: the wife is in the kitchen preparing dinner for the family while her husband is watching TV in the living room. She is sighing loudly and wishes that he noticed that she is craving for some good words, she would love if he could join her and have a chat. Why doesn't she tell him? She probably doesn't want to disturb him, she feels that he is going to be angry if she asks him...
**Do I tell what I think or I keep it to myself? Do I expect that the other person knows what I am thinking about, what I expect or need?**
The wife has an expectation. She wants that her husband would pay more attention to her but instead of telling him this, she just waits. She is not satisfied with the husband's behavior but the husband doesn't know it...
Applying the adaptive situation in this case is a mistake. Staying silent when I would have something to say is not good. It will cause frustration and bad mood, and because of this she may react resentfully or make faces later - and the husband will not understand why. Being honest and open in a relationship is very important - if the other doesn't know my needs, how can I expect him to take them into consideration? In a mutually trusted relationship, partners need to share their wishes and desires with each other.
**So if you have something to say...**
* tell it peacefully and clearly
* don't accuse the other, put aside your hidden expectations
* believe in yourself and trust the other
* explain WHY you need what you ask for
* have a "plan B" if the other is not willing to cooperate
## <center>In the next post I will continue with the competitive strategy.</center>
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If you are interested in the previous two parts of this series, you can find them [here](https://whaleshares.io/thebeast/@ksolymosi/can-you-look-at-your-conflicts-in-a-different-way-part-1) and [here](https://whaleshares.io/thebeast/@ksolymosi/can-you-look-at-your-conflicts-in-a-different-way-part-2).
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This is my 5th post in #thebeast challenge initiated by @lexiwitness.
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This post has been cross-posted on Whaleshares and Steemit.
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