This is a philosophy and tradition that is very complicated for young people in Javanese families. I wrote in the early post that the role of a man is very strong. A father will decide for his daughter whom she will marry. Bibit, bobot, bebet are screening criteria that usually apply when screening a son-in law. However, the tradition also works in screening a daughter-in law. So, the words " Love is blind" may not work in Javanese culture. Love needs calculation. ...LOL 😇😇😇
![image.png](https://images.ecency.com/DQmUm36PATbaBt26xNEG715Wo8PLCBn9kSRW2GJ5cbvpmFF/image.png)
<center> Source : https://id.berita.yahoo.com/potret-6-pasangan-seleb-saat-011056621.html 
Instagram/paula_verhoeven </center>




# BIBIT , BOBOT , BEBET
A daughter may debate with her father because she has fallen in love with someone that does not meet the criteria for bibit, bebet and bobot. Love sometimes is put aside in marriage. That is why bibit,bebet,bobot are all things complicated for young people. 😭😭😭
# <center> Love is not blind </center>

In my story at https://ecency.com/hive-141359/@lebah/sultan-agung-indonesian-historical-movie
> Raden Mas Rangsang, the future King of Mataram sacreficed his love to Lembayung, a lowly official's daughter of the Mataram kingdom. When Raden Mas Rangsang was crowned king, he was married to a princess  from the Batang district. His love for Lembayung broke up. 

# What is bibit, bobot, bebet? 
<center> BIBIT </center>
Bibit means seed. It means the origin of the future spouse. The future spouse should come from a good family. How a child is nurtured and educated in the family is very important for Javanese parents to accept their future son or daughter in-law. If you are not from Java, do not be surprised when you propose to a girl to marry. The father will ask your family background. The father sometimes sends a person to check the family background without knowing the man who wants to marry a Javanese girl. In addition, when the family has problems with hereditary diseases, this is also a consideration for female parents.

<center> BOBOT </center>
 Bobot means weight or quality. In this case, bobot means that a future son in-law should have the quality of being a husband. He must have a job with enough income to feed the family. He should also be mentally healthy so that there will be no physical and mental abuse after marriage. When you are unemployed, don't expect to marry a Javanese woman. This tradition may be the same in other countries. 

<center> BEBET </center>
Bebet means rank. Rank means your social status, your work position, and your education. Javanese people are actually not materialistic, but they are very concerned about their social status. They pay more attention to the way they dress, how they talk and behave in public. An educated person has a neat speech and good physical appearance. In this criterion, a Javanese woman's parents will kick you out when you come to their house while you are dressed like a punk kid and smelling like liquor.

# Young people, night club, alcohol and cigarette 

Some young people are burdened by this tradition. They try to find their own way to find their future spouse. In the struggle to fight the culture, some young people express themselves by going to night clubs and drinking alcohol. They have a romantic relationship regardless of social status or descent from their partners as well. 

In fact, when young people reach the age of marriage, they find it difficult. Most people in Javanese culture will get married at the age of 23 - 35 years old. Marriage is a social obligation. Javanese people should get married. There will be social sanctions for non-marriage people. On this occasion, Javanese people should go back to their old traditions and customs. 

One of the requirements to get married for a woman is the father's approval. Without that approval, it is almost impossible for a Javanese woman to get married. Young people in Java should screen for themselves their future spouses before bringing the candidates to their parents. Though, most young people reject the philosophy of bibit, bobot, and bebet, the philosophy has become a mindset. 
People who want to get married should give up their habits of going to night clubs and drinking alcohol. In Javanese traditions, those habits are not accepted for married men and women. People who still hold those habits are said  not to have the "BOBOT or quality " to be parents. 
<center>![image.png](https://images.ecency.com/DQmaBRwTDu8qQf9xtd65jsvN3V5RMYxmWkt2aFP2ryYmaRr/image.png)
[Columbus center](https://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=Awr9F69_koNh_1kAu5.WnIlQ;_ylu=c2VjA2ZwLWF0dHJpYgRzbGsDcnVybA--/RV=2/RE=1636041471/RO=11/RU=https%3a%2f%2fwww.columbusrecoverycenter.com%2falcohol-addiction%2frelated%2falcohol-schizophrenia%2f/RK=2/RS=ON7jbmV3c7nnqWQwJFjjjdUyufU-)</center>

In Javanese tradition, drinking alcohol is prohibited. In formal parties, no alcohol is served on the list of the menu. Those who need to drink alcohol should have closed parties where there are no children and teens. You will not find beer or alcoholic beverages in refrigerators in Javanese families. That is the tradition of how Javanese families raise and nurture their children. Old people always warn their children not to get married to someone who likes to drink alcohol and go to night clubs. 
![image.png](https://images.ecency.com/DQmNqBu9vM1moQLDxTWuVv7nA6w1aqNY3LQL3kMDqpPsN5h/image.png)

Source : http://pakguruolahraga.blogspot.com/2016/03/faktor-penyebab-anak-merokok.html









On the other hand, smoking is more acceptable than drinking alcohol. Most boys and teenagers in Java start smoking. I still remember when I was a teen, I learnt to smoke cigarettes. I shared cigarettes with my Dad at the age of 15. Smoking in front of kids and teens is a common thing. Smokers and non-smokers are not in the criteria of BOBOT. 

# Young people finally screen themselves for their future spouse 

Because of failing to fight the tradition, some young people screen themselves for future spouses based on the old philosophy. Like  or dislike , bibit, bebet , bobot have become the mindsets of Javanese people. A woman who wants to get married has previously screened her boyfriend before introducing him to her parents. 
The minimum screening is one should have "bobot or quality" to lead a new life in a family. A boy should have a job, mentally healthy and good behaviour. Bebet or social rank or status will follow the first screening "bobot". While most young people ignore "bibit or seed". Seed is related to the origin of the future spouse. 

There have been some changes in Javanese culture related to the philosophy of bibit, bebet, bobot. However, This philosophy is deeply ingrained in Javanese society. 
Bibit, bebet , bobot are norms that may not suitable with other cultures. I hope this post will provide additional knowledge about culture in Java. If you live and fall in love with Javanese men or women , you will not find a shock culture... 😍😍😍😍 💔 ...What do you think of this old philosophy? It is complicated but in the end, I give up and follow the tradition as a Javanese. This post is my personal view. I was born and raised in Javanese family and society.