Awwwww.. caring for loved ones isn't such an easy job.

As a child, when I travel to my hometown, I cared for my now late grandma alongside my mom, the little I could. I watched my mum do many things.. bath her, wash up the bedsheets soaked with urine.. so many things.

My mum may be going for surgery next week. Going for an appointment this Friday and I'm a bit anxious. I'm just 23 and I love my mum to bits, I want to do all I can with the little savings I have to ensure everything goes well.

This morning, I took a look at the mirror and reminded myself that I too will be old and need care.
The cycle of life.

Your post brought back memories of my mum when she declined in health and although she has transitioned a lot of years ago this time pops into my head now and then without warning.  The love for my mum has never faded.  💜

This is so true, many people don’t like to talk about it but whether we like it or not we’ll also need to be cared for someday. So sorry about her condition, I hope things get better. You should find sometime to take care of yourself too

I know this Probably sounds foolish but, I never thought in terms of my parents getting older. Realistically, I knew it to be true but they were so young, they were so spirited, and they were still so able that took me by surprise when I looked at them one day and realized that, they, in fact, were getting older. The day they diagnosed my dad as having Alzheimer's, I drove the 800 miles to their house to go to the appointment with them, because I just couldn't believe that my dad got sick without me even knowing it. Perhaps because he didn't come down with a cold or break something. It began very invisibly, and nothing and I mean nothing in the world could have ever prepared me for this journey. I will say that I have eight brothers and sisters but for various reasons including not being able to miss work and children that were too young to do without them oh, because I had mine pretty much homeschooling at the time, so I was considered to be the ablest to help. Actually, in hindsight, I preferred it that way because the moments that I captured, those tiny pieces of my dad that I saw, especially in the end will remain with me for the rest of my life. It took years for him to get to a place where he needed real help, although when I really mean is my mom needing the help. But I spent probably close to the ears going back and forth as I watched him deteriorating and then finally to the point where I went to see him and didn't leave for five months. He wouldn't let anybody except for me to take care of him, not even my mom who he claimed he wasn't married. When I think of how he told her he wasn't married to her I laugh now but it wasn't funny at the time. For the time that he got angry and said he was leaving home and he packed a suitcase went out the door walking someplace and he put the suitcase in the car. Later when I retrieved it I opened it up and saw that they were a pair of shoes in there. I'm not sure where he thought he was going but he needed shoes but it was just one of the things. There was a point that he had to go into the hospital because he needed was not feeling well and I sat in the chair and slept for three days because they treated him terribly. He was treated like an idiot that could not understand what they were saying about him right in front of his face. That was humiliating for him and me and I just couldn't leave him. I won't even get into the point where the personal care got so much that it was exhausting, and my parent's insurance would pay for somebody coming in but he was abusive to them when they did oh, so it was just easier to do it. I will say that Eric is right when he said that you need to take care of yourself also and sometimes even first because you cannot see how brutal Your Role is on your health. In saying this how I wouldn't take back one moment of time with him oh, it was something that I could also give to my mother oh, the peace of mind that he was being taken care of and loved as much as she loved him. The one thing I will say is that years before this happened oh, I had my parents' legal assets and everything updated and taken care of so that there was nothing left to be done when my father passed. As stupid as it sounds and morbid oh, it's important to have all these things done and so now it is my turn as I bubble up towards the top to make sure that all of my assets and wills and everything is in order years before I will ever need it and keep it updated. It's our job and it makes life easier for those who come behind us. That was a wonderful story, Lizelle and it touched my heart. I apologize for the mess this was written in, but, I am writing it on my phone, on the go. Pfft. 

Slow down, you are moving too fast.  ❤️

I was thinking about what I wrote and shamefully, I didn't write one thing *to* you, only about me, Talk about *selfish!* 

You will never know just how much my heart goes out to you. It is definitely a labor of love, and because she is altogether in her head, it helps to put your mother's face on these tasks. I know it interferes with everything in your life and I am here to tell you that respite care is a very real/needed thing, otherwise, in time, you will be no good to anyone. Having an ill parent where you are having to do 24/7 care with no help, frankly, sucks the life out of you. I don't say this as a mean thing, I say this to make sure you care for yourself. I worry about you. being overwhelmed is so easy to do. You think you are okay, but, if you are not taking breaks and getting completely away from home, you are not getting a break. 

You have a housekeeper, that could come one day just to sit with your mom, for a bit more money or if there is something you can trade off with her. Two hours, three hours. Enough for you to close your eyes and breathe. Don't be a hero. I adore you too much to see you being worn down. It happens. xoxo  Love to you and Miss Lily ❤️

You're a very brave woman Lizelle.  I am so stressed about my mom all the time - and she copes so well.

Omg @lizelle I am so sorry to hear, I know it's not a "pity party" as you say, but I can't help but wanting to give a shoulder 😔

My mother told me yesterday that she feels old, and she is nowhere near 90, so I can only imagine the dedication that it takes to be there for her, as much as you can of course. 

As you said, it's a matter that we all be facing one day, but I don't think there is a "good way" to react to it, it hurts no matter what. I was just telling to a friend on hive, that in Africa, it's very rare to have the elders in care centre, because it's just not the culture; however in some case, I understand the decision, as you mentioned spending 24/7 as a caretaker is taxing, emotionally and physically. 

I forgot what my point was...😄

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom's condition and the strain that it's putting on you as her main caregiver. It's not an easy situation but be sure to make time for yourself and your own well being. People often focus so much on the person who is ill they forget about the strain this kind of situation puts on the caregiver and they often suffer and/or lose parts of themselves in the process. Our instinct is to just want to help but it's okay to recognize when it's time to stop and take care of ourselves too.  If we lose our health then we can't take care of those people we love and who rely on us.  Take care my friend.

As I mentioned on a previous post, I can truly relate to this.  I am not sure whether people who have gone through it realize how challenging it is.  I admire your strength in being able to care for your Mom.  I am in better physical shape than I was when my mother passed, but I am still considered physically disabled, as much as I don't like that, and it broke my heart because taking care of my Mom was a physical impossibility for me, so she had to go to longterm care.  We live in Canada.  I can imagine that longterm care could be a lot worse elsewhere, but it was awful.  I remember thinking that Mom was a wonderful, caring, loving soul who worked hard all her life and this seemed like a very shabby reward.  I still feel very guilty that I could not do more.  

Besides everything else, it is so hard to see your loved one suffering.  Before the strokes that made longterm care necessary, Mom also was reluctant to use a cane or walker. 

I wonder whether they have caregiver support groups where you live.  They do in my city.  I did not join, but I imagine it might have been a comfort. 

Your Mom is very fortunate to have you.  I hope you make sure to take time for yourself also.  Self care is very important. 

Caretaking is hard work! At one point in my life I worked at a nursing home, but I did not have the hardest job there by far - that is the CNA (certified nursing assistant).  They're the ones helping people up and to shower and change adult diapers and dress and all of the difficult, and to many patients, the embarrassing, personal, kind of tasks.  I salute anyone who can do that work, and they are NOT paid enough.  
What about a part-time caretaker?  Like you have a housekeeper that comes a couple of times a week, maybe a caretaker could too?  That is definitely a thing here, I don't know if it is there so much.

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I hope that I can get a robot to assist me when I am old.