Greetings loyal followers.

Although I will not greet them, this transmission is also directed at the unamusing dimwits who have mistaken my transmission expressing my loathing of your asinine Father's Day holiday as an invitation to attempt to cause me to accelerate my strategically scheduled timetable for destroying your planet. 

First they attempted to further infuriate me by sending fake [transmissions claiming I was the father to a myriad of your inhabitants](https://steemit.com/funny/@lordvader/perhaps-you-thought-i-was-angry-about-father-s-day-well-you-haven-t-seen-anything-yet). This is clearly more of your planet's fake news. I didn't address it then, and I will not give it any attention now.... even though the fake news really upset me.

<br><center>http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02698/ART_WARS__24_2698294k.jpg
*Take one guess what this bucket head said to me.* </center><br>

Now my executive Assistant Vera, who has the best ear for humor ever (probably from associating with me), has informed me that inhabitants of your planet are attempting to overwhelm our communication system by inundating it with "dad jokes". As primitive as you idiots are, sadly this is actually a real possibility. Because my boss is a cheap jackass, our entire communication network relies on the "expertise" of the Empire's IT guy, Dennis. 

<br><center><a href="https://imgflip.com/i/1ras5o"><img src="https://i.imgflip.com/1ras5o.jpg" title="made at imgflip.com"/></a>
*As if I already didn't want to execute this jackass.*</center><br>

Because I cannot trust Dennis to be able to stop your attempts to overtax our communication system, I must *insist* that you cease and desist sending these "dad jokes" immediately.

Specifically, your people are no longer to send the Empire unfunny and groan-inducing puns, limericks, jokes, witticisms, quips, knee-slappers, gags, wisecracks, one-liners, cartoons, animations, or "memes" that refer to "FORKS" in any way whatsoever.

In addition to possibly damaging the system...

# Saying "May the Fork Be With You" IS NOT FREAKING FUNNY!!!!!

<br>Enough. I get it. "Fork" sounds like "Force" (and one other very popular word in your language). For some reason you idiots are all obsessed by "forks" right now. I don't know why you are so excited by an ancient and ridiculously simple eating utensil... but then again you are a primitive and backward people.

Your inhabitants are the same ones who got excited about road maps, a stupid little pencil tip that shows up on your out-dated mobile devices, flashing up vote buttons... and the Kardashians (whatever species *they* are). 

So now you are obsessed with "forks". Brilliant. I can't believe you morons haven't destroyed yourselves already. I am actually a little surprised that you are allowed to handle such advanced tools. I am surprised you don't need to take precautions to prevent you from hurting yourself or others with these sophisticated pieces of cutlery.
<br><center>http://i.imgur.com/US4zF30.gif</center><br>

Seriously, using a fork is really nothing to celebrate. 

Even my impetuous little student could use one. 

<br><center>![Screen Shot 2017-06-21 at 8.19.01 PM.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRLZQwxaTdBoyEP3wiMrnvWB5zKUGVdAeFWAnpsdKtoDp/Screen%20Shot%202017-06-21%20at%208.19.01%20PM.png)</center><br>

That little tail head was excited all the freaking time. She celebrated *everything*. But not even she thought it was a big deal. 

Honestly your people should be embarrassed by the amount of raucous celebration caused by the appearance of a fork.

That would *never* happen in my galaxy.

Well there was that one time...

<br><center>![Screen Shot 2017-06-21 at 8.50.03 PM.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmNcZeGzHs7wBt6tDuToYJK6fYauqNqe7mGz2SrGwY21Hs/Screen%20Shot%202017-06-21%20at%208.50.03%20PM.png)
*These two were vehemently struggling to gain control of the oversized utensil because each desperately wanted to "fork" the other one for some weird reason.*</center><br>
Because I realize I am dealing with simpletons, I feel the need to be even more specific with you. I am afraid without this intervention, you will never understand what transmissions *not* to send to the Empire.

I know your people prefer to communicate in simple monosyllabic guttural sounds. I believe one of your favorites is the word "cool". So in order to help you understand this better, I will label the following as "cool" or "not cool".

# Cool

<br><center>http://www.hallmark.com/dw/image/v2/AALB_PRD/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-hallmark-master/default/dw9227f275/images/finished-goods/star-wars-dark-side-grilling-mitt-and-lightsaber-fork-set-root-1shp4054_1470_1.jpg?sw=625&sh=625&sm=fit 
*This looks like it could do some damage if I used the Force to hurl it at some dipwad's throat.*</center><br>

# Not Cool

<br><center> https://img1.etsystatic.com/017/3/8210729/il_340x270.482566529_q41g.jpg
*Making your forks red and blue does nothing to compensate for your lack of sense of humor.*</center><br>

# Cool

<br><center> ![Screen Shot 2017-06-21 at 8.27.10 PM.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPx5NAV1m5Kt8GNzmDE9quzatx9BiZQaos9WSELPBpa2p/Screen%20Shot%202017-06-21%20at%208.27.10%20PM.png)
*I could see myself sinking that into a nice Ewok steak.*</center><br>


# Not Cool

<br><center>https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CWhicHJUkAAlpZ1.png
*Man your "NRA" has really let itself go.*</center><br>

# The Coolest

<br><center> http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/additional/large/1855_sw_vader_saber_bbq_fork_inuse.jpg
*That is the best part of the Ewok right there.*</center><br>

# Not Cool

<br><center><a href="https://imgflip.com/i/1raqll"><img src="https://i.imgflip.com/1raqll.jpg" title="made at imgflip.com"/></a>
*Again with the [clown references](https://steemit.com/funny/@lordvader/you-re-really-funny)? Like I'm here to amuse you?*</center><br>

Actually I think many of your inhabitants in Asia are lightyears ahead of you. 

Theses are far more exciting than your beloved forks...

<br><center>https://ak1.ostkcdn.com/images/products/9989191/Star-Wars-Darth-Vader-Red-Lightsaber-Chopsticks-e53ac406-9f8b-43c8-abb5-373c1ecf292b_600.jpg
*Although they may need lessons on proper finger placement.*</center><br>

Those utensils will be perfect next time I arrive and have my new favorite dish...

<br><center>https://historymaniacmegan.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/star-wars-ewok-sushi-01.jpg?w=300&h=210
*Some call this Ewok Sushi. Others call it Ewok tartare. I call it... delicious!*</center><br>

# So for your own good, enough with the forking dad jokes!

<br>Dennis! This communicator is malfunctioning! I id *not* say "forking" and you know it!

[Last words](http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02698/ART_WARS__24_2698294k.jpg)
[Dennis!!!](https://i.imgflip.com/1ras5o.jpg)
[Fork you!](http://68.media.tumblr.com/7f3da75f1c557e2981a1152a9f2cccf1/tumblr_o7r2febXO91rhdp6mo1_1280.jpg)
[Cork on your fork](http://i.imgur.com/US4zF30.gif)
[Snips](https://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/c/c4/Fork-BI.png/revision/latest?cb=20120902054204
)
[BBQ](http://www.hallmark.com/dw/image/v2/AALB_PRD/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-hallmark-master/default/dw9227f275/images/finished-goods/star-wars-dark-side-grilling-mitt-and-lightsaber-fork-set-root-1shp4054_1470_1.jpg?sw=625&sh=625&sm=fit )
[Mask palm]( https://img1.etsystatic.com/017/3/8210729/il_340x270.482566529_q41g.jpg)
[Fork Saber](https://target.scene7.com/is/image/Target/49159034?wid=520&hei=520&fmt=pjpeg)
[NRA?]( https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CWhicHJUkAAlpZ1.png)
[Good eating](http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/additional/large/1855_sw_vader_saber_bbq_fork_inuse.jpg)
[Use the fork... to choke whoever made this](http://blog.takipi.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/ForkJoinWars.jpg)
[You might want to move your fingers](https://ak1.ostkcdn.com/images/products/9989191/Star-Wars-Darth-Vader-Red-Lightsaber-Chopsticks-e53ac406-9f8b-43c8-abb5-373c1ecf292b_600.jpg)
[Delish!](https://historymaniacmegan.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/star-wars-ewok-sushi-01.jpg?w=300&h=210)