The title must have disgusted some of you but we all have our insecurities. I've been putting up with mine as I grew up. 

I have a younger sister in which we had a lot in common. Most people had mistaken us as twins. Even twins who may be identical, are different. I always get what I wanted in life when we were younger. As to my father, "what I want is what I get".  And no, he didn't say that coz he's spoiling me. I get those because I had to force him out of it. I had my own kind of fun. On the other hand, my younger sister gets almost half of the things that was mine. She even had to give way to the program course she wanted to take for me to get to Nursing. Don't get me wrong, I love her so much with no buts and ifs. While we were making our way to adulthood, I realized that she's the person I've desired to be. She's a role model, the nice daughter and the responsible sister. Believe me, I'm done with the jealousy segments. It's just that I always knew that there's something in her that was never for me --My deception and people's praises. 

![6359255002394890372117238904_sisters 1.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmY9z6mn3Zz3yyxkCXynRmndjhhx3ofXsSveuDu7VcUhYt/6359255002394890372117238904_sisters%201.jpg)
[Image Source](https://www.google.com.ph)[(direct link to img)](https://www.google.com.ph/search?client=ms-android-samsung&dcr=0&biw=360&bih=279&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=4YfYWfmkBcis0gSCgLnACA&q=sister&oq=sister&gs_l=mobile-gws-img.3..35i39k1j0i67k1l4.9223.10120.0.10817.8.3.1.0.0.0.793.1007.2-1j6-1.2.0....0...1.1j4.64.mobile-gws-img..5.3.1054.3...171.uNPHIyxtLYs#imgdii=eqFK3NVn2ZE9iM:&imgrc=eE0J0zH7MrJz1M:)<br/>

When I was in elementary, I had a teeny weeny crush on someone for years and when he finally noticed me, I discerned that I wasn't into him that much. In highschool, I was a bum with a one-sided kind of admiration that I had to fight a battle against myself. He had a girlfriend and still hangout with me then I found out all I needed was a close friend. He turned out to be one eventually. Then finally, when I came across the martyr-kind-of-act in college, it made me into a nuisance. I had to keep on defending myself that it was just a mere crush and didn't see it coming that he held me up for 3years. Same old thing, the feeling went mutual all of a sudden and I had to push them away because I was scared that it wasn't true at all.

![images.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmX9w8GPPSs7gMQaBvfiHqTJ3EB4zCYJKPrTs2sqaHx8Lv/images.jpg)
[Image Source](https://www.google.com.ph)[(direct link to img)](https://www.google.com.ph/search?client=ms-android-samsung&dcr=0&biw=360&bih=279&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=yoXYWZXUJYmp0ATw_7nICQ&q=teenage+love&oq=teenage+love&gs_l=mobile-gws-img.3..35i39k1j0l3j0i67k1.2710.6089.0.6476.15.9.1.1.1.0.537.2037.2-5j1j0j1.7.0....0...1.1j4.64.mobile-gws-img..8.7.1579.3...308.DpXH9wIie-M#imgrc=do9XRjnSgFSZTM:)<br/>

That's the summary. The story in which I may or may not be real with my feelings but it somehow turned me into a psychotic person who wanted to get their attention but when the attention was already there, I had to neglect it. Funny, isn't it?

![6360722944440380361438321346_alone.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmYPFK5pD6LsYspDPu11DxHgg9ZHrGgzTaFi4sFKevgw9B/6360722944440380361438321346_alone.jpg)
[Image Source](https://www.google.com.ph)[(direct link to img)](https://www.google.com.ph/search?client=ms-android-samsung&dcr=0&biw=360&bih=279&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=7ofYWY7yFIO30gSR2YSwAg&q=alone&oq=alone&gs_l=mobile-gws-img.3..35i39k1l3j0i67k1l2.113085.113695.0.114086.7.2.1.0.0.0.931.931.6-1.1.0....0...1.1j4.64.mobile-gws-img..5.2.971.3...141.tTO8_jg7mbc#imgrc=WccDNRwoP5V4TM:)<br/>

So there, that's me. Yet, some people love me all the way and I'm very grateful of that. Somewhere between my doubts and constraints, live an inevitable young girl who wants to get her way. I'm stuck with that kind of personality, still, I'd want to turn things around to how they were back then.