<center>I once loved you
I hate you.. I curse the day I met you... You de*vl.. That was all I could mutter out.... Wish I was not born, wish I hadn't loved you at first, you came so bright and now you just so dim..
[image source](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRreVNUZLzbTdiPuDABc0HbUJeLgvfOhPO9VQ&usqp=CAU)
I met this cute guy at a friend's party, he was cool, funny.. And good looking... He's too sexy for my liking
I got jealous immediately I saw him talking to a female friend, they were laughing.. Like!
It was later on I found out they were cousins.. Not just cousins, cousins f**king each other...
After a little while he came over to me, cos I was just sitting alone
'Sweet angel, how you doing'
'am fine' trying not to sound eager
'saw you staring at me since, my sis actually called my attention to you'
'me.. Ohh no, I wasn't looking'
'by the way, my name is John, and you'
'I am bella, u can call me ella'.
'wow, such a wonderful name for a beautiful lady as you'
Well I won't deny.... I blushed at that instant,he has a way of forming his mouth like he want to kiss you,, theres this thing bout his smile that would made you fall.
We exchanged contacts, and things started little by little.... But little did I know am going into regret... little by little
We called each other, then, I won't say I started having feelings, I have heard it since the first night
[image source](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTv1FF0-bH3U7tikkVvVsEEwqdvT1fZ6eIJuQ&usqp=CAU)
I couldn't tell my friends including the one on whose birthday we met, because I don't know what they would think of me, or what if she or anyone likes him also.. I should try and hold this one down.
We started going out, parties, shopping, think of anything, he's the cutest and most caring guy I had met with... I love him, a lot...
Now it's growing bigger, and come to think of it, he's yet to talk.. I wanted to do the talking, but I was like
"what would he think of me'
Is that now acting cheap
Is he mature enough to understand that,whoever proposed first does not matter.... Well I doubt that, so I switch to acting, instead of talking and saying I love him,i put it into act, I call him, visit him, do a lot of things.... wish I hadn't done all those... I feel bad remembering how I took care of his house,thinking it would be mine also... Someday!
Well...
[image source](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQHBQ3jGBN8Zjo854e2D2pBsg5uf1gUZ79kUw&usqp=CAU)
He said something someday... That I was the best thing that happened to him,that he loved me, that he can't do without me... And a whole lot... I was happy he's coming straight
Then he nailed it.
'ella, ever since I set my eyes on you,I can't take it off, it would be as if my life was cut short, will you be mine, till the very end, I love you ella'....
You won't believe the way I shouted 'YES'... Even tho no ring was involved then,i care less, he would probably get it later I thought...
I grabbed and kissed him... Like!
[image source](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSOXDdlrxlV3-NSPyvcU6C_Jd4BNIStt32p8Q&usqp=CAU)
How I wish you understood... You should know what love is like.... I love him😭
Well before that we had been intimate a lot, and since I don't want to be a s*x ate, I was glad the proposal came along..
Fast forward... Barely two months after that, I discovered he smokes, I only knew he likes to drink, but not above normal, he told me he can't stop it, if only I can help him, but he's way too gone...
'but you don't do all this before.. John'
'am Sorry you had to find out now, I kept it away from you, though it has not been easy for me".
I remembered seeing some drugs with him, which he claims belong to a friend who came to sleep over....
Well what can I doI accepted that as fate, and something I could help deal with, little did I Know, he's the de*il himself and trying to deal with it is not for me... I cant.
Fast forward.... A week after that I went to visit him, and saw him doing things with his own cousin.. I mean very passionate one... Upon seeing me, they continued, maybe they were so in mood they refuse to realize it's me, but whatever the case.. Whoever it is,they should at least stop the act and at least realize someone is in...
Later they stopped and Said it was the dev*l.. Dev*l you say... Well love blinded me and I believed it was the Dev*l... Who could it have been if not.... YES, she was his cousin so it could have been no one but the dev*l
I was a fool... you agree right
Just see things with me... Cos am sure loving would definitely not be possible ever again for me
How I wish I had listen to my mum when she was alive, she warned me not to make the same mistake she made, I was also a product of unwanted pregnancy, should I blame her, maybe it's becoming hereditary, or what, she made a mistake, am on her footsteps also, but she warned me, my father who I don't know ran away the day I was given birth to,I was told.
[image source](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTIpI6S5ScGAaOlExHRTN7RFVQsphSUgfdw5g&usqp=CAU)
If not for the fact that I lack deep thinking, who else should be more wiser if not for me....she(mom) thought me the way of the lord, she tried her best, until one faithful evening... Cancer took her away from me,have to tell you the truth, in the space of a year, I had 3 abortions...painful ones that I almost died the last time,Well you won't believe 😥am pregnant again, I still don't have a ring, at least if I do, I would have something to stand on, even if it's not so strong,but right now am on a muddy ground, a sinking sand.... I pray...
Don't even know what prayer to pray
Am in this already,but I was not attracted to his money...
I now have a deep resentment for guys.... Uncaring creatures
I caught him taking one kind of powdery stuffs in his nose more than once, caught him with different women a lot.... Was hoping for change, but.... He did not
I prayed, prayed and prayed am sure God refuse to answer me because I didn't put him first in my life, I hardly remember someone high up is watching me make mistakes while I thought I was going the right way, unknown to me, it's a bitter end......
I can't write any further, am more than heartbroken
He didn't run away, he told me straight, he ain't interested no more, he's tired of me, I forced myself on him, I was wasting my time, I am just like any other girl he picks... Those were what he says..... Me, me
He met me intact, I mean as a virgin!something I had tried my best to keep for the 25years of my life, now I lost to someone who's not worth it...maybe I was too in haste
I was too fast... just in the space of a year and few months all this happened..I took things to fast.
How could I have stoop this LOW, he's not worth all I did,... This phase In my life is unforgettable...Now I met this new guy introducing christ to me, I hate him, I hate guys now, so the fact that he's a guy too...
Should I just give him audience, will he be different..... Oh no
I should learn my lessons... I won't!I failed to Learn when my mum died, now I regret 😭
Can I still love again
Are there really good guys out there, won't they use my past against me
[image source](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTrVyGg_KgFm_jcxDXsTagp3Q2yjhykmB9uqg&usqp=CAU)
Should I keep it to myself
Who can I share my predicaments with
Or is there really true love</center>
### Thanks for taking your time to go through my post, I so much appreciate,and I really miss you all,visit my blog for more... Thanks hive_families.. I love you.
*watch out for the next part*
hiveblocks