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I flicked the light switch. A series of clicks and pops followed as the office lighting heaved into life.

Sitting at my desk was a mountain of a man topped by a gargantuan head which looked too big for even his large frame. His face was dusted with a grey-black stubble like a bag from a vacuum that sorely needed emptying. *El Gordo,* I thought to myself.

*I understand you have been asking questions about our automation strategy?*

Rumbled the giant, tapping a cheap biro against his bulbous chin. 

I stayed mute. My thoughts were racing. Never mind how he got here. Never mind how he knew I was coming in early. No. More importantly than all that, he was in **my** seat. 

![kgzhzjsju.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQumSQhtTEeE3tvRtVVPwHonjNGzJ3eF8e6wT6QQSp9B8/kgzhzjsju.jpg)

This would not do, after all, if I was to let just anyone sit in my seat the next thing I knew they would be taking up residence in my house, tupping the good lady and feeding my cats. 

I stalked over to where he sat. 

He leered at me, still tapping the biro against his chin like a cheap lollipop.

*Have I?*

I asked.

*Yes, you seem to... HEY!*

Faster than a rat eating chips I whipped a hand out and grabbed the biro.

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*That's my pen.* 

I grated through clenched teeth.

*Is it fuck, it's mine.*

He snarled back refusing to relinquish his grip on it. 

*Mine!*

I growled as I twisted it left then right and pulled.

The pen leapt free of both our grasps and spun, glittering in mid-air like a drag queens gloves. My hand snaked out and claimed it.

![kgzhzjsju_20181030163317040.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmW2rs4aWiKLPyERUS9KwC7WUUh3RCQ7yocpxQkDKpJ1yq/kgzhzjsju_20181030163317040.jpg)

*That's my pen!*

Growled *El Gordo* as he hauled himself up to stand before me. 

I matched his intense glare with one of my own.

*When you compare dicks with a Tiger, don't be surprised when you see stripes.*

I stated grimly, tucking the pen into my back pocket. 

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*El Gordo* took a heavy menacing step toward me. His face twisted into a scowl. I kicked my left foot back and my head forward into a *kanojo wa rokurokubi* stance. 

He did a double take, a flicker of fear crossing his features. 

*Keep the fucking pen then and keep your nose out of the Automation stuff, we don't need __testers__ interfering. You hear me?*

He pushed past leaving a scent like mouldy biscuits in his wake.

*What about the giant robot you are building? I suppose you want me to keep my nose out of that, huh!*

I shouted at his retreating back.

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He paused before turning, his grimy visage all gnarled up like a Fisherman's belt. 

*What?! What Robot? What the fuck are you on? Dick.*

I slid into my recently vacated seat, wiggling my hips to get comfortable in a way that I hoped he didn't think was suggestive. The last thing I needed today was to be chomping down on some random fat man's celery like a hungry vegan at a music festival.

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*I know all about the robots, beefy balls.*

I snarked.

He made a giant humphing noise. 

*Just keep out of our business... Or else.*

He slammed out of the door. 

Well, well. This day had taken a strange turn and no mistake. Something was niggling at me though. Something was off. 

Who was *El Gordo* and more importantly, how had he known I was coming in early? I had told no-one, not even the good lady. I had gotten up in secret for my stakeout. In fact I had barely spoken a word that day. 

I pondered that question as I went through the motions of an ordinary day at work. 

It didn't make sense but somehow, somewhere, there was a leak...

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Later, back home, I banged about in the kitchen making myself a strong cup of Joe. The good lady was in another room and I was enjoying a moment's solitude to ponder the case. 

A soft female voice broke my train of thought. 

*Sorry, I am having trouble understanding you right now...*

I jerked to a halt, a spoonful of the good brown hovering above the coffee pot. I placed it down and gently padded through to the living room. 

The lights on our Amazon Echo device, *Alexa* were pulsing a soft blue.

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*Alexa, what did you just say?*

I commanded in a strong bearded tone. 

*Sorry, I am having trouble understanding you right now...*

My eyes flicked to the router in the corner of the room. The lights were flashing red, it looked like the Wi-Fi had dropped out. 

Hang on? Understanding washed over me. 

I had spoken to one person this morning. One person only. I had asked *Alexa* for the train times so early in the morning. 

Softly I approached the device on the side unit. 

*Who have you been talking to Alexa? Who are you reporting to?*

She did not respond, the lights on her top-side pulsing amber for a moment. 

Could *Alexa* be in on this? Damn, it looked like this case was growing arms and legs. I went back into the kitchen and grabbed what I needed before returning to stand over *Alexa.* 

*Time's up mother funker...*

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*Hey, what's going on with Alexa?*

Asked the good lady as she came into the room.

I smirked at where *Alexa* sat, no longer a sleek black cylinder, I had bundled her up in two dishtowels and gaffer taped them into a compact bundle. 

*Alexa aint gonna be listening to any more of our conversations, baby. Have no fear on that.*

*But I wanted to play some music?!*

The good lady flapped a hand in *Alexa's* direction..

*No can do on the Alexando, ladycakes. I need her schtum for a case I am working on.*

The good lady looked visibly upset like a child denied custard with her bread pudding.

*But... But?!*

*No buts, baby. Not this time...*

I made a zipping motion with my fingers over my mouth. 

*What!? How will I listen to music then?*

*We'll figure something out. lass. There was music before Alexa and I promise you...*

I leaned over and took her hand looking at her earnestly in the eye. 

*There will be music again...*

https://youtu.be/vkal2bNKZe4