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*Pacifically, we need to specify a terms of reference for this board.*

Something snapped me out of my zombie trance state which I default to for long video conference calls.

I leaned forward and peered at my laptop.

*Sorry. Connection dropped off and I missed that, could you repeat please?*

I asked with a dashing casualness as if we were all meeting in the flesh and everyone was breathing in my manly musk.

*Buffalo Joe,* who had just spoken, nodded generously in acknowledgment.

*Of course, yeah. What I was saying was that __pacifically__ we need to specify a terms of reference for this board.*

*Buffalo Joe* repeated his nonsense.

My right eyebrow arched up as if to leap from my brow and start eating a salad.

***Pacifically!?!***

*As in the ocean? What the fuck did he mean? And what the fuck did an ocean have to do with this meeting?*

I needed answers and I needed them fast.

*So... You say __pacifically?__ What do you mean by that?*

I leaned in to my screen so that my face filled all of it and narrowed my eyes.

*Well, we have to be very Pacific when we are talking about the terms of reference we are going to define for use in this board?*

He raised his voice at the end of his sentence as if he were a young American girl talking to her cat.

*Hmm.*

I stroked my chin thoughtfully before giving my web cam the iron eye.

So he really wanted us to be Pacific? This was a new one on me. 

I supposed I could start putting salt in my bath and stick plastic beads in my hair? Pop a couple of fish in my pockets?

I wasn't sure I had it in me to pull it off successfully.

*The thing is mate, I think there is a limit as to just how __Pacific__ I can be?*

I held my hands out to the side helplessly.

*It's only the bloody start of the meeting. It's simple?? It's just a case of being Pacific, what's not to get!?*

*Buffalo Joe* looked vexed like I had passed him a pineapple lolly instead of a passion-fruit one.

*BoomDawg, behave.*

My boss, *El-Jefe* grumbled from his corner of the screen.

I waved a hand reassuringly at him. 

*Can I just ask one question then?*

I smiled the smile I smile when people who aren't smiling need smiling at.

*Buffalo Joe* nodded grumpily.

*Why the Pacific, specifically?*

I winked at *El-Jefe* who looked as if he were about to start running through the streets of Pamplona.

*Pacific pacifically? What you on about?*

Sneered *Buffalo Joe.*

*He means specific as you very well know. Now can we move on?*

*El-Jefe* grumbled at me as he leaned forward in his chair causing his webcam picture to fray slightly as spacetime buckled around his massive frame.

*That's what I said, Pacific?*

*Buffalo Joe* looked strained as if someone had attached his bits to a milking machine and switched it to *40 litres.*

*Hang on, now I get it. When you say Pacific you mean __specific.__ S'cool, carry on then.*

I shuffled my shoulders in a victory dance of understanding.

*Buffalo Joe's*  eyes darted back and forth like little penis fish.

*I don't understand. Can someone explain what is going on here?*

He cried plaintively.

*Joe, when you say specific it sounds like Pacific.*

Grunted *El-Jefe* impatiently.

*No it doesn't?*

Sputtered *Buffalo Joe* indignantly.

I leaned forward into my webcam again and spoke reassuringly to *Buffalo Joe.*

*Listen, Joe. It's alright, trust me. My son's 2 and he doesn't speak right either.*

I smiled and then waved a hand at the cam.

*Anyways, we're way behind let's move on.*

*Buffalo Joe* looked with seething venom at his cam.

*Alright then. Whatever. So... Can we be really spacific when it comes to defining our terms of reference..?*

He said slowly through gritted teeth.

***Spa-cific!?!***

I choked off a snort and switched off my cam so he couldn't see me laugh. This was turning out to be a fine day.

A fine day indeed.