![IMG-PHOTO-ART-1866533818.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmaMPx8N2bfdkxgnw5XyQyJctGGb5uDJwnBMZvh2vP2noV/IMG-PHOTO-ART-1866533818.jpg)

*That's odd?*

I opined with a stroke of the chin like a man eating a watery fish taco.
<sub><sup>*not the lady kind, for goodness sake keep your mind out of the gutter!*</sub></sup>

*What's odd now?*

The *Good Lady* ploppily spooned some kind of fetid grainy *juice* from an old clay jug into her glass. 

*Mmmm, so good. You sure you don't want some?*

She waved the jug menacingly in my direction.

I palmed it away with a smile pretending not to be absolutely fucking horrified at the thought of that thick green muck worming its way through my beautiful insides.

*Really? Are you sure? It's got pistachio, spinach and flaxseed in it. I think you would love it and it's so good for you!*

She raised her glass and chewed another mouthful of her super whatever it was.

*The bamboo out the back. The big black bastard. You know, the one I love more than the children?*

I frowned as I looked out the window at my big black companion. She was everything I had ever wanted. Strong, slender, black and yet... now, now she was looking a bit bent and yellow. 

Something was not right and it wasn't that my *Good Lady* was chewing on something that looked remarkably similar to horse manure.

*I better go out and check on old blackie.*

My chair made a noise like a vole farting as I pushed it out to get up. 

*I'll come with you!*

The *Good Lady* said through green flecked teeth.

We headed out to the bottom of the garden. It was uphill so perhaps I should say the top of the garden but philosophers have been pondering over such things for centuries and I had no interest in joining that fight.

*Oh fuck! No? NO! NOOO!!!! Please don't let it be so!?*

As we neared the bamboo I began to suspect what might be the problem.


![20220805_180347.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmWDPzJffcrNDkyRsNZNfF5v9fHvMiZvUpKSgovjEyKysD/20220805_180347.jpg)


*What is it boom-dawgy-dawg?*

The *Good Lady* reached out and pressed a hand on my shoulder as if checking to see if I was medium or medium-rare.

*It's... it's... flowered?*

I wailed and sunk to my knees on the sweet soft earth.

*Is that not a good thing? Flowers? You know...*

The *Good Lady* reached out and stroked one of the yellowing leaves of the bamboo which promptly fell from its stalk and sashayed to the ground. 

*No. When they flower they produce millions of seeds and then they die. It's the end for them.*

I reached out and looked at random ends of each stalk. There were seeds by the hundreds.


![20220805_180420.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmUP19p9eJEUo6wPES2V51DsToNbH8YaKkNCe2KXQQQziB/20220805_180420.jpg)


I stroked the black canes that had bought me such joy by shielding me from my annoying neighbours. 


![20220805_180439.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmUPVBuLhiGf75ohUL4SV5xygg7Ba4iyyd4RMxkGTVFYH5/20220805_180439.jpg)


*No more my beauty.*

I whispered sadly.

*Oh god, it's dying?! That's so sad. Oh no, what with everything that's been going on it's too much.*

With a barking sob, the *Good Lady* turned on her heel and ran back to the house.

I shook my head and threw a sulky stare in her direction. Bloody grief thief. Sighing heavily, I started gathering up as many seeds as I could. This was shit. I had loved my bamboo. 

Surely things couldn't get any worse?

*Alright mate!*

My neighbour, *Cheesy Penis* popped his head up from over the fence where the luscious green locks of the bamboo had once barricaded them from sight. 

I looked up and harrumphed.

*For fuck sake.*

Maybe I would have to break out the big guns this time...


![20220805_183535.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmP1J7CCkrUXckUt6aWPmA4F8im1VJnsknUMg3aPr2TSR1/20220805_183535.jpg)