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The Evil Meat King by meesterboom

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· @meesterboom ·
$146.47
The Evil Meat King
![1634549090283.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmNLxMncB2rhUP98i3k8VRMCbJiUAyaV5mUJ9NFHKWh1Fz/1634549090283.jpg)


*When was the last time you ate meat?*

The *Good Lady* smiled from across the table. Her face, slightly mocking like a snowman with a large parsnip for a nose.

*Excuse me? Ate meat? What the hell do you mean by that?*

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as if that little pinkie-tip sized pile that visits every Christmas had come to roost in my bum-nook early.

*It's a simple question. I mean, when was the last time you ate meat? You know, meat... UM UM UM!*

The *Good Lady* snapped the air around her like a berserk Pac-Man.

I snorted, half in contempt and half in fear. What was this? What was going on here? Had I done one of those big Venusian shits again? Had she been upstairs and witnessed the aftermath?

Fuck. Did that mean she was going to send me up there to scrub the toilet? I did it last month, surely making me do it again so soon was against the Geneva convention?

*Erm, yesterday. Yup, yesterday. I wolfed down a whole big giant steak. Oh yes, it was like half a fucking cow. Mmm mmm, yummy cow. Mmmm.*

I gave myself a tummy rub to emphasise my big lie. 

*Oh really. A steak. Yesterday..?*

The *Good Lady* cocked her head to the side as if seeing David Hasselhoff's nipple touching face for the very first time.

https://youtu.be/9tJqj0FnQy8?t=53

I jutted my lower jaw out. What the funkin-Duncan was going on here? Why was the Good Lady obsessing about meat? I mean the toilet hadn't been mentioned so I was obviously in the clear on that front but something was definitely going on. Something *mysterious...*

She laughed then thought for a moment, tossing her hair with a small flick to the side.

*Well, It's just that... I don't actually think you have eaten meat in ages. Like, not one bit. I was starting to wonder if... Well, you know... You were coming over to the Dark Side?*

She made a little bobbing motion with her head as if in prison and pointing out a *[grass](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Grass)* to get *shanked.*

I leapt to my feet. 

*Now hang on a minute lady! Are you suggesting for one minute that I go all 'Tina Turner and roam the streets in a Tutu and heels of an evening?!*

I shook my head to try and stop *Private Dancer* reverberating back and forth inside my skull.

*Sweet bloody Jeebus. I am appalled that you are doubting my love for the lady parts because I haven't eaten a burger or two for a while?*

I huffed like a Labrador smelling pocket biscuits.

*Oh Daddy-Bear. You are such a drama queen.*

She giggled, no doubt imagining me dancing on a pole for money.

*I am not a drama queen. You are the one that said 'Dark Side'. What 'Dark Side' are you wittering on about if not that?*

I sat back down. 

The *Good Lady* flapped her hands excitedly like a Dental Assistant standing in a barrel of fish.

*The Vegetarian dark side, of course. You know I dabble with it and I know you don't like to admit it but I know you kind of do also.*

Her eyelashes fluttered at me as if promising all manner of sexy witchery if I really were to turn to the Dark Side.

*I bloody well am not. That a disgusting accusation to make. And anyway. You are completely wrong.*

I stood again, to my fullest height. A height that made even horses swoon.

*Yup, you are completely wrong. I ate EGGS yesterday! EGGS! See, eggs are meat. In fact, eggs are the worst kind of meat. The Meat of the unborn!!*

I made evil clutching motions with my hands. 

*I AM THE EVIL MEAT KING!*

The Good Lady listened patiently till my evil *Meat King* laughter had subsided.

*Pffft. Eggs aren't meat and you know it. Admit it. You are turning vegetarian!*

She let out an evilly disdainful laugh of her own then as if catching me with my penis in a bowl of custard.

I made to speak but instead sputtered like a soggy firework.

Looks like it might be time for me to dig out the Tina Turner wig.
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vote details (473)
@amirl ·
$0.13
I like you more and more. I too have issues with masculin role models and seeing a man like yourself confident to touch his soft side (even if wrapped with lots of humor) encourages me.

And don't worry, you showed that omlete whos who ;)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.41
Hehe, I am confident about it to the extreme!! But it has to have the humour!! :0D

!PIZZA
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@apunawu ·
What a good story
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@meesterboom ·
Thank you!
👎  
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vote details (1)
@brandt ·
$0.23
> as if catching me with my penis in a bowl of custard

I thought this was considered good etiquette. Are you telling me it's actually unacceptable behavior?
👍  , ,
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vote details (3)
@meesterboom ·
$0.09
I have always gotten away with it by saying I am an emotion and when they ask which one I say I am fucking disgusted ... *fucking dis custard...gettit... boom boom!!*

:D
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vote details (2)
@brandt ·
Oh god.

<hr>

![untitled.gif](https://media.tenor.com/images/e60ad7dfe023c77163d96d2ae1c675f7/tenor.gif)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@captainquack22 ·
$0.15
You absolute madman.  You got me with this line.

"I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as if that little pinkie-tip sized pile that visits every Christmas had come to roost in my bum-nook early"

The bum nook?!?! Lol
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
$0.05
Haha, I liked that bit :0D

Thankfully it is truly too soon for my nook living friend! 

!PIZZA
👍  
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@abh12345 ·
$0.14
Go easy on the spuds this year!
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vote details (2)
@captainquack22 ·
$0.14
Hell yeah man, you always write good tales.  I have no doubt you had the conversation with the good lady lol

You got minds swirling with possibilites on the outcome, keep rockin tho bro.  I havent had a steak for a while too tho, what the hell haha, hungry now
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.05
I am quite hungry for a bit bit of beef myself!! It has been a while though. Might just stick with them eggs for the mo!
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vote details (2)
@creativemary ·
$0.13
The egg is the meat of the unborn omg HILARIOUS how do you come up with these lol:)))) Actually becoming vegetarian would not be so bad. I only eat fish meat as I excluded the other types of meat after watching a documentary about how poorly the animals are treated. And this change contributed to a bit of a weight loss, something that almost no one would complain about:))
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I am in the same boat almost, I tried to cut down on the red meat and almost without realising it stopped eating it for ages. I almost feel like I am doing some good in the world! lol!
👍  
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@dandays ·
$0.14
I'm usually awake about an hour earlier than now so maybe next don't wait so long. *Thank you.*
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom · (edited)
Good to know, I was all set to post two hours ago but thought *better hang on for that DanDays character...*

!PIZZA
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dreemit ·
$0.27
Hahaha! How funny, lately a number of people I know are doing this sort of rabbit food dabble, even though none have actually come out of the closet fully with it :0)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Sometimes there are some closets you just cant come out of!! LOL! :OD
👍  
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vote details (1)
@dreemit ·
Especially guys, it's hilarious how carnivore seems to equal masculinity, haha!
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@dswigle · (edited)
$0.13
I am not sure where or when I stopped eating so much meat. I don't have any vegetarians in the house, yet, one of my daughters is pescatarians, eating fish and seafood. Most pescatarians are also lacto-ovo vegetarians, meaning they also consume dairy and eggs. I am pretty much there, although, I will have some pepperoni on a !PIZZA now and then. 

I cannot tell you why or how, just, that it makes my whole self feel better, eat less and lose a little weight. 

Now, about this Private Dancer you have...
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Yea, the good lady is the same and as we tend to eat the same meals I end up just following along. It does make you feel better!

Oi, my private dancer is just that, private!!!

Lol

!PIZZA
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@dswigle ·
Don't you hate when you get as sensible as your parents? I think I am turning into my mother some days.

Not that she isn't the most wonderful human being on earth, but, I don't want to be her!
properties (22)
authordswigle
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@dswigle ·
A whole week and nothing from the BoomMeister? What? Let's get cracking. Don't you know we miss you? 

properties (22)
authordswigle
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@meesterboom ·
It has been a slow week but something did happen tonight so I actually have a post to write! Hurrah for life! :OD
👎  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@elmundodexao ·
$0.13
<center><sup><h2>
Hello @meesterboom… I have chosen your post about “-The Evil Meat King-” for my daily initiative to re-blog - vote and comment…
![26.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmRJBCofivGHH4P3PrxWUjRJp95BzHVnsjmQywGd1wFr9n/26.jpg)
Let's keep working and supporting each other to grow at Hive!...</h2></sup></center>
👍  ,
properties (23)
authorelmundodexao
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
$0.02
Thank you very much!
👍  ,
properties (23)
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vote details (2)
@generikat ·
$0.53
I added “horse swooning height” to my Christmas wish list.

Maybe if I wear a Tina Turner wig I’ll get good results 😉 

And I so anticipate reading about the next skirmish from the Good Lady vegetarian battlefront, perhaps then you’ll use a turkey leg for lance…
👍  , ,
properties (23)
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vote details (3)
@meesterboom ·
$0.16
I tells ya, the added height from the Turner Wig is awesome. Its a gamechanger for life. I recommend everyone should have one.

The Good Lady has been bested! Not by turkey but by Bratwurst!! I saw some today, how could I resist!!

!PIZZA
👍  , ,
properties (23)
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vote details (3)
@generikat ·
$0.22
Oh, I am so getting one now, horse swooning height here I come!

How could anyone resist a quality sausage? I hope you yelled *Do you wurst, my dear!* before devouring the thing.🤣

Thank you kindly for the slice of pie!
👍  ,
properties (23)
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vote details (2)
@gikitiki ·
$0.28
https://youtu.be/SuO_8VlYAfk

I needed something to get the Private dancer out of my head.....  <sub>{that was truly cruel}</sub>

Here's something that will remind you of the bog if you go veg for too long, then decide to enjoy a street vendor sausage.
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Haha, the one with the pan pipes!! That's now stuck in my head!!! Ah, she could sing a memorable ditty or two!!

It's been a while since I had a street vendor sausage. The Christmas markets are looming and then it will be time!!

!PIZZA
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@jacobtothe ·
$0.13
I'll have you know I ate a burger last night. Two, in fact. Made from cooked dead animal bits, not that weedy vegan fakery. You'd better do something about this, Boomy-boy, or I'll have to rescind the necklace of mechanical manliness!
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@meesterboom ·
$0.09
I shall endeavour to kill an animal with the spiky end bit of the necklace and cook it on the spot!!! Sometimes I forget myself!!
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@jacobtothe ·
Well, even such intentions are redemptive, so my threat is revoked.
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@johnmighty ·
I actually think these wasn't a good etiquette,but I guess it was too.these is a great post.i admire it alot
properties (22)
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@lupega · (edited)
$0.14
Hi @meesterboom ,Apparently the good lady just wanted to make a joke, the eggs are protein, the meat too but the taste is not the same, the eggs are not meat, maybe you ate all the meat for the week and she did not want to argue, better invite her to a roast and you will see that she enjoys eating meat, not eggs.
A happy start to the week.
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Lol. You don't know my good lady. There would be blood if I took her to a roast and not from the meat on offer!! :0D
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@mrchef111 ·
$0.13
lol don't give in to the dark side...and now I want a perfectly cooked medium-rare steak...mmm
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I don't think I ever really will but sometimes these days I seem to be getting close almost by accident!
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@mrchef111 ·
Stop with the accidents! lol, kidding. I do it too sometimes. Like I will make a big salad with all kinds of fixings, but I run out of chicken to put on it, so I just don't. I actually don't eat meat a ton, but when I do, it is glorious! haha
properties (22)
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@networkallstar ·
$0.28
May I introduce: The evil veggie king! !LUV !PIZZA

![dog-angry.gif](https://images.hive.blog/DQmXLH3qA29Kf3qwJyEYt3yUC6czghWVEsXrTM6dxnXyg8U/dog-angry.gif)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@luvshares ·
<div class='pull-right'><center><sup><small><small><><</small></small></a></sup></center>
    <p><a href="https://ichthys.netlify.app" style="text-decoration:none"><><</a></p></div>
    
<div class='pull-right'><center><sup>LUV</sup></center>
    <p><a href="https://peakd.com/@luvshares"><img src="https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/crrdlx/AKU7oyCXxGwYyudB42kJ7JtoZ63bdeHvm4icoT9xdGNxA4i4BwudGyPvTQrEwPd.gif"></a></p></div>
    
<div class='pull-right'><center><sup>Connect</sup></center>
    <p><a href="https://discord.gg/K5GvNhcPqR"><img src="https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/crrdlx/23wfrFwbW2VmsmZxJXyNEKYXt8mvmEP5zenbPZFX5T6yxcF65vCp7RbNpNhLgFZiM62G1.png"></a></p></div>
    
<div class='pull-right'><center><sup>Trade</sup></center>
    <p><a href='https://tribaldex.com/trade/LUV'><img src="https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/crrdlx/AKJ1ytK1G4qgB6fMNY9iW9yL1E7bY4ooefHFwtMVKoKnyXG1EsjxrcrTFGFAbhw.png"></a></p></div>
    
<center><br> <p>@meesterboom, you've been given LUV from @networkallstar.</p> <p>Check the LUV in your H-E <a href="https://hive-engine.com/">wallet</a>. <sub>(7/10)</sub></p> </center><div></div>
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@meesterboom ·
$0.05
Lol, he is a MONSTER! A MONSTER KING! :OD
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@networkallstar ·
😂😂😂😂😂
properties (22)
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@oaldamster ·
$0.24
It is a conspiracy mate, it is happening everywhere! Look... 

![1634576183538-01.jpeg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmTBteEAXcZdPPHAR6jc4k2Q73Fpub3vm6GDYegyPyzGuM/1634576183538-01.jpeg)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.08
Holy kaka!!! It begs the question though... Are they any good? :OD
👍  ,
properties (23)
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vote details (2)
@oaldamster ·
$0.13
The marinated 'filet' is great, I actually do like that one. 😁 Baked crispy in marge, still moist on the inside, almost meat like structure. Nicely seasoned. Absolutely amazing. 

According to my other half the stew does not fall apart like its meat cousin. She said it is tender and the taste is great. 

Guess I have moved over to the dark side also... 😄
👍  
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vote details (1)
@old-guy-photos ·
$0.14
I did it once. Went to the dark side for 6 months, but kept having dreams of...

![20180316_172124_HDR.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/old-guy-photos/23tSaS4tRfvEBQAxiYk6YuPG5UwJMfnEfaaGijn6ANLWD65ZnQJu81yrXV7zPKf4LJb6J.jpg)
👍  
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
It's hard to cut out the pig! My weakness is beef, especially plain old ground beef for chilli's!
👎  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@pizzabot · (edited)
RE: The Evil Meat King
<center>PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! 
@meesterboom! The Hive.Pizza team manually curated this post.
PIZZA Holders sent <strong>$PIZZA</strong> tips in this post's comments:
abh12345 tipped meesterboom (x1)
meesterboom tipped quixoticflux (x1)
meesterboom tipped amirl (x1)
meesterboom tipped abh12345 (x1)
meesterboom tipped gikitiki (x1)
meesterboom tipped captainquack22 (x1)
xplosive tipped meesterboom (x1)
meesterboom tipped xplosive (x1)
networkallstar tipped meesterboom (x1)
meesterboom tipped dswigle (x1)
@meesterboom<sub>(2/20)</sub> tipped @generikat (x1)
meesterboom tipped dandays (x1)
<sub>Learn more at https://hive.pizza.</sub></center>
properties (22)
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@dswigle ·
Thanks for the Pizza!
properties (22)
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@quixoticflux ·
$0.14
Eggs don't count, man! You know how many vegetarians I know that sneak in a few eggs for breakfast? I'm eating an entire cow in one bite just to make up for this NONSENSE.
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Eggs are the meat of the unborn!! Unborn MEAT! Oh my god I am flinching at myself for being so evil! I see myself on a throne made of broken eggshells ordering more innocent eggs into the fire!

!PIZZA
👍  ,
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vote details (2)
@rmsbodybuilding ·
$0.13
I eat only meat and always try to find a good trade-free meat
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
You gotta have some greens with that meat though, surely! I love a good side of veggies with mine!
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@rmsbodybuilding ·
not much- veggies has to much carbs- only 50grams per day allowed- for not to spike insulin . which trade-free store do you use to get your veggies?
properties (22)
authorrmsbodybuilding
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@sand126 ·
$0.14
The lady must entertaining you lolzz 😁. is that real story ? where have you been then. 
>She giggled, no doubt imagining me dancing on a pole for money.

That line made me so imagined about how you would be doing there ...
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I have been dancing for money and any old music will do!! :0D
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@slobberchops ·
$0.13
You told me you liked Quorn only recently, she may have a point!
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
$0.12
See! I've been giving away little signs. Oh woe is me. I will have to go full werewolf and go out and savage a cow!!
👍  ,
properties (23)
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vote details (2)
@slobberchops ·
@bingbabe fortunately is a carnivorous as me, and likes almost blue steak.
properties (22)
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@videoaddiction ·
$0.14
A whole big gian steak is not a meat for the Good Lady, thus she doesn't remember 😁
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
I think if she saw a steak she would hit someone with it and that someone might be me!!
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@xplosive ·
$0.13
> When was the last time you ate meat?

Today. 😂
A slice of pizza with salami.
Speaking of pizza, I give you some !PIZZA.
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)
@meesterboom ·
Did someone say !PIZZA !! :0D
👍  
properties (23)
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vote details (1)