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I was going to write about a topic that would require a lot of thinking and I came across the second topic of the ladies community, I felt the topic was directed to me as it is something I've been asking myself for a while now. *What am I not getting right? Why do I feel withdrawn from some things? What can I change to save myself?*

Surprisingly, nobody has said anything about what I'm about to point out but I know it's there and it's something I want to get more uncomfortable with to change it. I don't know if it will be possible but I believe being intentional about it and with time, it would all be a different story. I've asked myself a lot, *what do I change?*

![IMG_20250626_195254.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/merit.ahama/23tkp9AQEji6VapsChbKxU11oc7mNhmHSkVehfjv48QmA6CpwtAHFq1w835E5VjAfcvHm.jpg)

One thing I'd want to change about myself is an attitude I feel without it, I'd be a whole step ahead with my self improvement plans and be an even better person than I am. Magic or no magic, with prayers and being intentional, it is something I want to create a change in. I've once lived without it and it proved to change a lot of things.

But staying consistent with it, is what I can't seem to do. I know you're wondering what that could be by now. Let me say, I am the kind of person who prefers to not stress over anything than stress over it, no matter how seriously people around take it. I feel I play too much with what should be taken seriously and it's not cool.

To make things even more difficult to change, I found reasons to stay that way, really good reasons. I figured things taken too seriously leads to too much expectations and heartbreaks follows. Thinking all that, I feel I run away from those possibilities by just simply living my life as simple as I can by taking little or nothing serious.

![Snapchat-514505053.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/merit.ahama/23tbkgG6EWTf3s4q8CRmPGFAzPQaXXrE4PcLZWcvnG7Df2A3sYuXAtcapSQMsTdmxRR2V.jpg)

The one time I tried to change this and take things more seriously, the only positive thing that came out was that, I gained things I didn't think I would before. It's amazing the things we can get done but not aware we can until we actually try to do them, one of my character kicks against trying first to be aware and I really want to change that.

I want to be more intentional about my life, making slow and steady growth in every good aspect of my life, self improving to making greater impact. These seem far with a character I think needs changing or adjustment and I'm glad that I am aware of where my growth lies, what needs to be done to get out of the weird balance.

Changing or adjusting this character of mine to become more serious and consistent in it, would change a lot of things for me. I'm not hoping to be too serious with life, it's not even cool to me but I want it a little higher than the level I am now. It is a step I'd be willing to take, I'm trying my best to take actions on it for my self improvement.

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<sub>**Images used are mine**</sub>