create account

Bouncer re-write part 2 by michelle.gent

View this thread on: hive.blogpeakd.comecency.com
· @michelle.gent ·
$20.07
Bouncer re-write part 2
As I wrote the first part a while ago, my mind has been doing what it does best, thinking up new stuff to go into the story. I'm afraid that's a bad habit of mine - on re-writes, you're supposed to tighten-up the story, not lengthen it.

Ah well, I hope you enjoy this new piece.

[Part 1](https://steemit.com/writing/@michelle.gent/bouncer-re-write-part-1)

*Images from Google free to use search, book cover my own*

![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZrXn7tGMjLXRKBRoxH7ArU7eHnvF5ixPQjZxtS6gyQi2/image.png)

Zack’s dark shadow flitted down shortcuts and alleyways to the car park, a hop, skip and a sprint from the club. The car park adjacent to the club benefitted from CCTV cameras and recording equipment in the club’s offices, which made it a safer option for the paying customers but not necessarily so for the door staff. On more than one occasion, he’d been able to watch a colleague’s car as vandals, and disgruntled ejectees took out their frustration on vehicles – not always those belonging to the bouncer that ejected them in the first place. 

![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRrbXJgAmX8nXXXtUaoDAskbSQwZGjJTMYyMF6tv7Z2gg/image.png)

The most memorable event regarding vehicle vandalism happened one Christmas time. Snowstorms whistling around the eaves, the door staff complaining about the bitter wind howling through the open door. Mikhail wouldn’t allow them to close even one of the double doors, though the walk to the club made for the perfect wind tunnel when the storm blew in from the North. By eleven-thirty that evening, no one else would be braving the storms to get to the club, that much was evident to everyone but the boss. 

The few customers that had shown up to party proved to be only the most dedicated punters – the regulars and die-hard drinkers. The club stood half empty, despite the cut-price entrance fee and they still had to deal with trouble. One guy started the night off with his friends and as they left one-by-one, after deciding the storm, rather than abating, had settled in for the night at least, became so maudlin-drunk that when he was asked to leave, he swiftly turned to rage. 

One young woman complained about his hands – he couldn’t keep them to himself. Zack wandered in to have a quiet word to keep his hands off the customers. The guy sat at the bar with a wide berth all around him.

He lifted his chin to the barmaid to silently ask about the guy. She mimed cutting her own throat with one index finger. When she mimicked hanging herself, tongue lolling, head to one side, Zack got the idea that the customer was becoming depressed. He went to have a word but before he got to the seated customer, a group of women arrived at the bar, and the barmaid went to serve them.

The guy lifted his head as though he sensed the group of happy, tipsy celebrating women. He looked over at them, and the closest woman to him received his version of ‘ice-breaking’. He slipped his hand up her leg, ruffling her skirt all the way to her bottom.

She turned to face him, and Zack read her lips. ‘What the fuck are you doing? Get your filthy mitts off my arse!’

She didn’t appear to like his reply because she leaned back and slapped him. Zack heard the sound of the slap over the music and the din of the crowd. The guy fell from his bar stool, and the girl’s friends pulled her away. The drunk, depressed guy sprang up, surprising Zack with his sudden agility. He went towards the woman, and though they backed off further, Zack could tell that at least two of them had some self-defence knowledge and could probably deal some damage to the unsuspecting idiot.

![](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUt4tkXZbrb9GoLtKrRR89FAuhAfuT4KGBpKpdHWec8qQ/image.png)

Zack called for back-up, and three of his team came running. “I didn’t expect half the team; it’s only one guy,” Zack said.

“Yeah, but it’s the only way we’ll get warm,” came the reply.

“Fair enough, let’s get this joker outside and on his way,” Zack said.

Perhaps because he’d been so upbeat and jovial on his way in, when the door staff had to ask him to make a move, his violent reaction amazed them. The guy couldn’t have been taller than five-four, but his agility, insensibility to pain and determination to remain where he was, took the team by surprise.

Eventually, with the club customers looking on in bemusement, all four doormen took one limb each and carried the struggling drunk out. They set him on his feet and made sure he didn’t try to return.

The guy took his phone from his pocket and dialled. Zack assumed he was phoning a taxi or a lift home and turned to go back inside and a snowball hit him at the back of the head. Apparently, even though he was falling-down drunk, the guy was also a great shot.
👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 7 others
properties (23)
authormichelle.gent
permlinkbouncer-re-write-part-2
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing","story","fiction","creativity","busy"],"image":["https://steemitimages.com/DQmZrXn7tGMjLXRKBRoxH7ArU7eHnvF5ixPQjZxtS6gyQi2/image.png","https://steemitimages.com/DQmRrbXJgAmX8nXXXtUaoDAskbSQwZGjJTMYyMF6tv7Z2gg/image.png","https://steemitimages.com/DQmUt4tkXZbrb9GoLtKrRR89FAuhAfuT4KGBpKpdHWec8qQ/image.png"],"links":["https://steemit.com/writing/@michelle.gent/bouncer-re-write-part-1"],"app":"steemit/0.1","format":"markdown"}
created2018-04-24 14:43:45
last_update2018-04-24 14:43:45
depth0
children10
last_payout2018-05-01 14:43:45
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value17.762 HBD
curator_payout_value2.311 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length4,732
author_reputation391,981,473,456,682
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id51,880,445
net_rshares2,987,438,922,063
author_curate_reward""
vote details (71)
@bashadow ·
That was a nice flashback, we get a little more information as to one of the reasons for Zacks decision, and a little background into the why of his travel route to his car.
properties (22)
authorbashadow
permlinkre-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180427t084833700z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-27 08:48:27
last_update2018-04-27 08:48:27
depth1
children0
last_payout2018-05-04 08:48:27
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length173
author_reputation100,388,692,638,882
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id52,416,926
net_rshares0
@beekerst ·
Hey!  Work is cramping my style but I'm about to catch up on my reading!  I enjoy the way your tale transitions to the backstory from that awesome first chapter!
Again you leave your readers with the urge to turn the page to find out if there's going to be a snowball fight of a fist fight!  Great stuff right here!
properties (22)
authorbeekerst
permlinkre-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180426t145157958z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-26 14:52:00
last_update2018-04-26 14:52:00
depth1
children1
last_payout2018-05-03 14:52:00
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length315
author_reputation5,538,746,023,478
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id52,274,919
net_rshares0
@michelle.gent ·
Awesome! Thank you for the feedback!

I have to attend one more workshop and then I'll know more about the direction I'll be taking with this. 

I'll let you know how it goes 😊
👍  
properties (23)
authormichelle.gent
permlinkre-beekerst-re-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180427t072840505z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-27 07:28:42
last_update2018-04-27 07:28:42
depth2
children0
last_payout2018-05-04 07:28:42
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length176
author_reputation391,981,473,456,682
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id52,406,403
net_rshares2,511,715,521
author_curate_reward""
vote details (1)
@e-star ·
Great!

I think Zack did get his own Door Security firm running.
properties (22)
authore-star
permlinkre-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180429t044851658z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-29 04:48:54
last_update2018-04-29 04:48:54
depth1
children0
last_payout2018-05-06 04:48:54
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length64
author_reputation37,194,884,362
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id52,761,033
net_rshares0
@kolossus ·
Great piece...read the first part, it brought an imagination that can be likened to STARZ TV series "power". What a way to relax while on break from studies. I will definitely read the second part complete after my exams. Thanks ma'am
properties (22)
authorkolossus
permlinkre-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180424t150114173z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-24 15:01:42
last_update2018-04-24 15:01:42
depth1
children2
last_payout2018-05-01 15:01:42
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length234
author_reputation17,595,816,631
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id51,882,635
net_rshares0
@michelle.gent ·
I'm pleased you enjoyed it... not enough to upvote it though?
properties (22)
authormichelle.gent
permlinkre-kolossus-re-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180424t150547812z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-24 15:05:45
last_update2018-04-24 15:05:45
depth2
children1
last_payout2018-05-01 15:05:45
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length61
author_reputation391,981,473,456,682
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id51,883,302
net_rshares0
@kolossus ·
No problem..I'm cool.
properties (22)
authorkolossus
permlinkre-michellegent-re-kolossus-re-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180424t212637989z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-24 21:27:36
last_update2018-04-24 21:27:36
depth3
children0
last_payout2018-05-01 21:27:36
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length21
author_reputation17,595,816,631
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id51,939,765
net_rshares0
@uche-nna ·
@michelle.gent, I can't wait for the next part which is part three..
I want to know what made that  guy to be depressed, causing to be so drunk.

And I like what that lady did to him, by slapping him. If we have more ladies like that in the world, then men won't be committing crime and going scout free...

And the women who showed in proved the benefit of woman power (ladies sticking together).

Would be posting my first chapter of my fiction Story tomorrow, and you are specially invited for a read..
Thanks
properties (22)
authoruche-nna
permlinkre-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180426t201358055z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"users":["michelle.gent"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-26 20:14:27
last_update2018-04-26 20:14:27
depth1
children2
last_payout2018-05-03 20:14:27
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length512
author_reputation25,120,689,531,857
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id52,323,019
net_rshares0
@michelle.gent ·
The guy became depressed when his friends left and he stayed to drink alone.
properties (22)
authormichelle.gent
permlinkre-uche-nna-re-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180427t073102482z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-27 07:31:06
last_update2018-04-27 07:31:06
depth2
children1
last_payout2018-05-04 07:31:06
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length76
author_reputation391,981,473,456,682
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id52,406,707
net_rshares0
@uche-nna ·
I can see .....
You leave me with more  questions like,
Why did his friends left him, what did he do and so on....

Main while @michelle.gent have finally posted the story have been anticipating about, here's it
https://steemit.com/fiction/@uche-nna/fiction-alexander-s-child-chapter1
 Your review would be highly appreciated.
Thanks
properties (22)
authoruche-nna
permlinkre-michellegent-re-uche-nna-re-michellegent-bouncer-re-write-part-2-20180427t080435705z
categorywriting
json_metadata{"tags":["writing"],"users":["michelle.gent"],"links":["https://steemit.com/fiction/@uche-nna/fiction-alexander-s-child-chapter1"],"app":"steemit/0.1"}
created2018-04-27 08:04:42
last_update2018-04-27 08:04:42
depth3
children0
last_payout2018-05-04 08:04:42
cashout_time1969-12-31 23:59:59
total_payout_value0.000 HBD
curator_payout_value0.000 HBD
pending_payout_value0.000 HBD
promoted0.000 HBD
body_length333
author_reputation25,120,689,531,857
root_title"Bouncer re-write part 2"
beneficiaries[]
max_accepted_payout1,000,000.000 HBD
percent_hbd10,000
post_id52,411,181
net_rshares0