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I don't know how to start this but I just want everything to be light and simple — to unclothe pressure and just be me.

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Hello, Hivers! Finally, I found myself here already! 😊 After how many attempts, denials, and delays, I am here already, writing my 1st piece... finding myself in this room because of life's surprises— more of a redirection.

![205803504_2200259196776917_9205110099019509071_n.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/23vhwn2qQW6Jcuj8jR6f5ubW6aNbk1wz1DSCb4GNDqU628aG4Wz4GiAU4xvjkijV7Fsde.jpg)


I seek a space to open up my unspoken thoughts. So, I am opening a part of me here that I cannot open up to anyone just yet... I hope this is a safe and open space for me to speak up about how life had been lately... no sugar-coating.

Known to many in our place, I am called Ma'am Ivy. This is a short and safe way of calling me by my complete name that is way too lengthy (and dull 😅) — Ma. Jean Ivy C. Pacoma. I am 26 years old, working as a teacher in a public high school in our local community for more than 4 years already. Definitely a people pleaser 😂, living a very "expected" life.

![The professional photo I use as Ma'am Ivy. 👩‍🏫](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/23wgMyZ7V1U9B428kCkXDKVrW1gBvRbEmTr2iP7smCDttCu2yhdGcEVBJHmiJMckEJaLn.jpg)

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**WHO AM I? *(In the surface)***
Growing up in a family who values education more than anything in world, I was able to cultivate love and enthusiasm to school and education. For years of studying, from elementary to college, I made sure to put my best effort to not only learn but to exceed my parent's expectations. I always made sure to end every school year with flying colors, never wanting anything less than being Number 1.


![High School graduation photo as I receive my hard-earned medals and certificates.](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/EopuKFEZ6YvFrUYSMFznsvqQZHqkY3Rg9RBRjDVdnX1HC1s4mkaE4dmRsotcNsMxbGs.jpg)


![College Graduation photo as I share my speech in the Graduating Class of S.Y. 2018](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/23yJCXdEdKC3zzW8jkFacEwgvSm7ArnytY9fDfPFro5pcH23yRceyyR7uuwn6BkPxRXZz.jpg)



![A bunch of medals I received after a 5-day Youth Camp in Catbalogan City, Samar](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/23ydC28S7R5xwtQSaywepkThR8jnLm5yr1fyPHwcmX64Xkp1twtM3ZyYz6QFCWxLbMSVh.jpg)


![A winning smile as I receive my certificates and trophies as the Most Outstanding SSG Implementer and SSG Adviser of the DepEd Samar Division](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/23uFa9fhNWKy7J4waqJLkucrZvBm7EmLD2Kjmzdj7DqpACot4x5Kpe68RB7UrVMpigQNs.jpg)

I had always been aware that a lot of eyes are set to see me — my triumphs and mistakes. That's why, as much as I could, I would like to let people see how my life glitters from school achievements, career successes, and life choices that I make.


![A sword of honor as I march as the new Student Federated Official of Samar State University (Year 2018)](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/AJkQT6x8xK4pG9JGuF6PpxJvY7ZcgugqZHNtWo757hsxN4BzDmQaz238c3RhK87.jpg)



It was fulfilling... at some point. But as I grow a little mature and as the huge and vast world opens up for me, things made me realize that I could be more. Not just the typical woman who pleases her family, friends, and the public. **I could be MORE for MYSELF.**

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**WHO AM I? *(Beneath What Eyes Can See)***
For many years, I had been the obedient daughter, respectful sister, generous friend, hardworking employee, and a pleaser to anyone who knows me. But all these left me exhausted, drained, and empty. Because the hard truth is that, ***we cannot live a life pleasing everybody forever.***

![293133513_2505334539602713_7243548358614183565_n.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/23wCBeCZsM7SWYQ7fVLqHhbEMxg2Aoa35j4ni4nTT5wU3nWwitkeqnqECkxxmHtFRzJuW.jpg)


Life unraveled me so much challenges lately. I failed — over and over again. It was so hard for me to realize that I was failing because defeat was never in my vocabulary. I thought that if I ace in school, the bright future would come handy. But life is not like that. True as they say, we have to experience a bitter defeat to better taste a sweet success. (Maybe I could talk in detail about this in my future blogs)

Lately, as I thrive to survive and be on top of these challenges pressing me down, I realized to stop paying attention to how people see me. I have to pay attention to myself, my mental being and my peace of mind. ****I have to STOP pleasing others to START loving myself****.

![426715864_416200410838097_5470333234494331387_n.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/23xpF6L1wXG7bWnjUph3ooMCpSkY4cBEJJNC2Qt8a4XKKHJxutJM17nm8ggvcyFcHGDqS.jpg)


I felt Liza Soberano when she said in one of her interviews, 
***"Filipinos always claim that they are resilient, but truth is that, we are only people pleasers."*** Most often than not, we do things because others expect us to do it, and not because we really want to do it for ourselves.

Now I am awakened. Thanks to the many challenges I faced lately. The challenges that slapped the truth in my face that the life I am living is for MYSELF — touching others by it SHOULD just be an **EXTRA**, not a **PRIORITY**.

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**WHO AM I DEEPLY?**
Of the many things I became and achieved at 26, I still think I am no one. I think I am lost. And as I meditate about this, I feel fortunate to acknowledge that I, too, am weak, and that's fine. I, too, can fail, and that's perfectly fine. Because as I realize all these, I am able to collect courage  from within to know more about myself. I am able to grow the drive to live a more meanigful  life away from expectaions, and the burden of pressure I chose to carry years long.


![426721447_314146357797759_6791015427013351278_n.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/Eq36Ao6GoSpM2HvwfnMm19hkSH8saXJKjVGfnXEAtHCPhkqhv5hg5PKvcEgDGV5hWVD.jpg)


Now, I am letting go of the person others expect me to be, because I am now eager to know myself deeply — the things I really want, the person that I really want to become.

Can someone here relate to me? 😅 I hope we could share sentiments and learnings because more than earning in this platform I really look forward to creating a connection of REAL growth and development as a person. 😊

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**HOBBIES AND INTERESTS**
Personally, I like writing, speaking, and reading (all these boring stuffs. Hihi). However lately, I never had an avenue to speak up and share what's inside my head. But thanks to Hive, I don't have to worry about that anymore. 😊

![The happy heart I carry as I had my 1st Big Bad Wolf Book Sale Experience 📖](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/AJpjsAw9d341fU1x6MZ8KM87SsQdiDnrMJXJnjX5D5zRGi8NLnYQ4sAt3bNiQqX.jpg)


I crave for peace and serenity which most of the time I find in my bedroom. I'd like to stay at home, try new recipes, eat, run for minutes in my treadmill, binge-watch movies in Netflix, and spend quality time with my loved ones, but I do not see interest in travelling just yet. I travel only when necessary. 😅


![A random photo shot in my room as I comfortably enjoy eating that ice cream 🍦](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/AKYNydViEiwuGVeS4B7JGtCs1efDyKsgUTcPxNWkXET1Tsj5riFnEhN8ekVnaiD.jpg)


I have a baby pet who is named Piper (Shih tzu). Life has changed since I had her. I became more responsible, more empathetic and a new flavor of fun was added to my life. She makes me want to go home early from work!


![My gleaming baby Piper in her 1st Bark-day! 🐾](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/243BkijKJuLL878k2TudLYnZkNCzbjjqrAAWWCyWLiPo8y7mNXYdGULS17z7mEnQY9s1E.jpg)


I like the comfort in the things that I am doing presently but I am open and ready for new learnings. I want to experience more about life — to really feel it, and own it. And one of the many steps I am taking to **recreating myself** is **opening up here in HIVE**. 😊

Thanks to @intoy.bugoy for introducing me to this platform years ago and for never pressuring me to write 😅 I had been so denial for a long time but here I am, writing because of... ***life's redirection***.


![410760850_2932809936855169_337064810348381819_n.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mnemosyne-shih/EpNsi68wuNRg8pFN4Z7ZAQQhvwey3PBNJoVPu5wCfExYxL7wA31Liy9rvGfMSyNMbgN.jpg)


I hope to share more of my thoughts in this platform soon!
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