![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://d1vof77qrk4l5q.cloudfront.net/img/827498fa10618656da3d9f410dc5f13e94d24134.png)

This post was a year ago when I was just new in steem. [@brittandjosie](https://steemit.com/@brittandjosie) reminded me about this post and it gave me chills while reading my previous post. And [@dkkarolien](https://steemit.com/@dkkarolien) motivate me also together with brit.

https://steemit.com/urbanlegend/@mrnightmare89/loner#@dkkarolien/dkkarolien-re-mrnightmare89-mrnightmare89-re-dkkarolien-dkkarolien-re-mrnightmare89-mrnightmare89-re-dkkarolien-dkkarolien-re-mrnightmare89-mrnightmare89-re-dkkarolien-dkkarolien-re-mrnightmare89-loner-20190707t134153904z

Wait, let me think.. Why did I wrote this blog year ago? Ah, I remember now... I was new in a new environment. I felt like I wasn't belong into that place. The status of life, the difference of age and the treatment. I wrote that when I saw myself isolated from everyone. No one was around me, no matter how look in both side's I couldn't fine one. But when I was looking far from where I stand. Lot of smiling faces that I wish to have that kind of smile.

How's that feeling when many people will be soround's you. Can I smile also even if I wasn't sure that they want me to smile also? Is it fine to share some thoughts even if I wasn't sure that they're willing to listen my story? Many questions came into my mind that I had a hard time's answering it. I want to answer it in a positive way but I was afraid that they'll just betray me. I knew it's painful when you believe something that it's true, but then it was all a lie.

Will someone judge me if I think's that way? Will they understand why my thinking was like that? I want to answer it because I want to believe that I should have feel like that.  That questions year ago is being answered slowly now that I meet a lot of friends in steem.

**Is it fine not to be alone?**
**Is it fine not to be afraid of having an enemy because I built a relationship?**
**Is it fine to meet friends even if there's no assurance that they will treat me their friend also?**

Before I was doubtful that's why I kept on asking? But why now I'm still asking myself? Maybe I want to feel it now but not that totally ready. Can I just ignore their word's if there will be time that they'll talk in my back?

# Stop asking question and force yourself to understand.

Human are prone in pain because they have emotions. We can feel helpless because we believe hope. We are afraid because we don't want to accept that bad thing's might happen to us. That's what I believe I'm coward. I didn't want to try something new, I didn't try to accept new challenge and most of it I'm afraid to hear word's that they don't like me. In short, I just don't want to accept that, that's us, I don't want to be like that.

It feel's like I'm dreaming of a world where you can't find the bad side of human. I dream of a world where the reality doesn't exist. There are no sadness because only happiness happiness exist. No competition and no jealousy. Yes, I know that's a false world if we keep on observing from both side's. I just imagined myself in a world that never exist from the first place.

But later on, I educated myself from the truth. My friends from steem terminal, my close friend in steem [@johndoer123](https://steemit.com/@johndoer123) told me to go out and socialize. Then I realised what a wonderful feeling I felt. I began to talk in radio channel at the rumble. It made me nervous but still they let me to talk so I'm starting to be friend with everyone there. That feeling is indeed amazing. You can talk with everyone like you knew them for long. I'm not confident to say a word but all of them are nice so why should I limit myself from talking with them. I think it's an insult to ignore their friendship that was offered.

So guys... I'm honoured to be your friend even if I don't deserve it..Thank you guys...

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